Dissapointed in how Wedding turned out - How can I get over this?

Question

After a solid year of planning, my wedding day turned out to be somewhat of a disaster.

First one of the groomsmen dropped out, and I had to move my brother from usher to groomsman and find a new usher.

Then the day of my beautiful blue runner had to be pulled becasuse of bad weather and high winds- they tried everything to hold it down and it wouldn't stay.

The programs I had designed and ordered online were due to arrive the day before the wedding did not because of an error of UPS, (who basically told me there was nothing they could do) and I had to get up early on my wedding day and BEG Kinkos to do me a favor and print out some more.

My hairstylist put my 2 teired veil on backward! I didn't realize it until later because we were already late starting while my mother was in the next town picking up the flowers and got caught in a hail storm and got drenched (all my wedding photos have the backward veil -short on bottom, long on top).

My mother was late because she was waiting for my father's nurse to arrive who had promised the previous day that she would come and un-hook him from his IVs for the ceremony and then just didn't show up. As a result, my dad had to walk me down the aisle with an X-Games backpack on!

Half the wedding party got caught by a train and so one of the bridesmaids never made it to the changing room to put on her hair decoration.

The venue kicked us out of the changing room in the building next to the wedding stating that they were closing up- so I and my people had to cart ALL of our stuff out to the parking lot so they could lock up before the ceremony.So imagine me going down stairs in my wedding gown with a dress bag and my purse!

A LOT of guests didn't show, many of whom gave no indication they weren't going to show, the others the result of a death in their family 3 days before the wedding, thus leaving ALOT of open seats and alot of paid for plated meals.

My veil got stuck on the steps and almost got pulled out of my hair (I had to reach up during the cremony and fix it to keep it from falling out).

The same storm that took out my runner and hailed on my mom made some loud booms during our vows ( I had to laugh at it but it was like yikes)

The DJ sucked, played none of the songs we requested, except for one, citing that his ITunes was messed up.

The Bridal display portraits I ordered got ruined in route to us, and there they were outside the reception with huge bubble wrap marks melted into the varnish (we had to display them, no time to get others).

Our cake came out looking waaaaay different than in the picture (supposed to be blue PEARLS but instead were blue BLOBS dotting the cake) and there was a side that had apparently got smashed against the box, the attendants had to cover the boo boo by turning the messed up spot away and using rose petals to cover it, and our cake topper was leaning and looked like it would fall over any minute.

After the meal 1/2 the guests left.

And a 1/2 hour before the end of the reception my dad told people to start cleaning up and they were taking all my beautiful tablecloths and chair covers and decorations off - How embarassing.

On the way out no one was around to grab my purse, so in our petal toss pictures I am holding my coach bag (How fairytale!).

And the groom's uncle stepped on my train also turing the petal toss/exit.

Ever since then, I have been so upset and bitter, I don't want to see or hear anything about or even remotely related to a wedding. I hear people talking about bachelorette parties, and spa time with the girls and how beautiful everything was in their weddings, and I didn't have any of that. I feel like my special day was ruined.

After all my hard work, and all the money spent it came out so awful and ghetto, I can't let it go. And no one understands why it bothers me so much and why I am so dissapointed but I can't help it- I didn't go to prom, was the ugly duckiling in school and this was my one chance to shine and I feel it was totally TOTALLY ruined. I want a re-do, but I can't afford it. How can I make peace with this and stop the dissappointment and sense of loss? My husband and everyone are tired of me moping. I AM glad to be married, and I am happy that it is to the right man, and I do believe that the marriage is worth more than the wedding but I just can't stop obsessing or wishing it would have gone a bit smoother, and I get kind of jealous when people talk about weddings they had or have been to that were like, fairy tale nice. I know something always goes wrong in a wedding but I feel like mine was an extreme case, I am so sad.

Answer 1

Hi and congratulations on your recent marriage!

You DO have a lot to be disappointed about!!  When I am down and feeling sorry for myself because of something, I always think......"someone else has it worse than me."

Yes, you DID have a lot go wrong.  But every wedding does.  That is why I try to tell brides that it is NOT going to be a perfect day!!

Two cases (personally) that I know of:

Case #1:  I went to the same hairdresser for years.  She waited and waited and finally was to be married.  I was not invited to the wedding so was anxious to hear about it the next time I saw her.  When I walked in for my appointment I said, "so....how was the wedding?"  She had a terrible look on her face.  I said, "what happenend?"  Her dad had died suddently 2 days before the wedding.  What could they do?  Everything was planned?  They had the wedding on Saturday and buried him on Monday.

Case #2:  A few years ago (I think it's about 4 now), we traveled to a family wedding in the Detroit area.  (I live 8 hours by car away.)  As we got closer (this was on a Friday...wedding on Saturday)...we heard a news bulletin on the radio about a big blackout (power outage) throughout all of Detroit and much of the eastern part of the U.S.  Anyway....we got to Detroit and stayed at a relatives that DID have power.  The next day....still no power.  What to do?  Then we receive the call that the wedding was cancelled.  How can you have a wedding without any power?  This was only 1 city.  This was a huge outage involving many major cities (Boston was another one.)  Anyway...all the planning...all the money....gone.  They ended up getting married the next weekend in a small ceremony at their church.

So....I am not trying to downgrade YOUR disappointment.  The only thing you can do is think of others who have also had disappointments.  And, you say it's a "sense of loss" so treat it as such.  Allow your feelings and disappointment, but don't let it overtake your life.  You must go on and be happy with your marriage.

Don't try to have a re-do.  It's not like a chalkboard that you can just erase.  The memories will still be with you.  If you and your husband want a small renewal of vows, say at your 5th anniversary, then go off to a nice beach at sunset.  

Good luck to you and I wish you every happiness in your marriage.

Answer 2

You are mouring a death because you had a dream and saw it die.

So give yourself a little pity party - you deserve it.

Write it all down in a letter...get a candle and get drunk and burn that letter goodbye.

Then move on to the honeymoon phase.  You really don't want to miss/s***w up that part of your married life!!

Answer 3

I think it is really harsh to hear "get over it!" But I also understand how your family must feel in hearing it over and over again, and seeing you unhappy.  Instead, I know you said you can afford a redo...but what if you channel all of that unhappiness into a determination to have some kind of redo? You can get one of those little piggy banks that say wedding fund...or what ever you want to save in, and get busy thinking about how you can do what ever it takes to slowly save the money. Even if it means picking up a penny someone has dropped on the sidewalk, every cent helps! Then as you hear about others weddings you can be making little notes in your mind on what worked for them, use these stories as foot notes to your next one.  This is all a kind of mind set thing. You just need to be able to re-channel your feelings. Maybe for your 5th wedding anniversary you can have a ceremony. Maybe not as glamourous as the first, but one that can make you just as happy?

Short of that, all you can do is use your terrible experience to help others planning their weddings, so they think twice about the what-ifs? I am so sorry that your experience was so bad...I am hoping you can find a way to turn those feelings around!

Answer 4

I read every word you wrote, and you're right. Yours was an "extreme case."  I have never heard about such. However, it reminds me of a few years ago on the Gulf Coast of Texas and hearing about some brides whose wedding plans were totally messed up because of the hurricanes that kept hitting the coast. We can plan and plan and plan some more, but we can't control everything. And when those uncontrollable things happen, we have to make a choice. Either we can become bitter and depressed, or decide to make the best of it and move on. We can't afford to let ourselves get "stuck in a rut" and worry over things that we have no control over.

I am so sorry that your wedding had so many problems. If I were your friend, I'd be glad to sit down and have a good cry with you. You have deserved it, if any bride ever has. Yet, I have a daughter who would also cry with us. But, then she something would "pop" into her head that had been humorous, and she would start laughing. That's the way she looks at life. And before long, you and I would be laughing with her, and would laugh so hard we'd end up crying again. But we would feel much better afterwards. I think my daughter has taught me the healing powers of laughter. She's not disrespectful, but is quite compassionate.

So maybe it would help if you could take some time to look back and see if you can find anything humorous in all of this disaster. And remember that you still have your pride. You are married to a wonderful man, and he deserves the happiest and best wife of all. That's you, my dear! Be the best that you can be for him. You won't regret it.

"Don't cry over spilled milk" probably sums it up the best. Even though it wasn't the wedding of your dreams, it will be a story to tell your children and grandchildren. They won't believe it. In fact, you should take the time to write this down so you'll remember it someday. You can entertain your future family for hours with this one. And they'll love it that you can enjoy life enough to laugh and share it with them. They'll appreciate you even more.  

I wish you much happiness!!!  

Answer 5

I didn't bother reading more than a line or two because I already know the answer.  

Get over the wedding DAY by remembering that the wedding day is ONE DAY, but your marriage is (supposed to be) forever.  If you're so hung up on the day that you can't enjoy being married, maybe you shouldn't have gotten married.  Whether good or bad, the wedding day is over and behind you.  You have a marriage now and a future to focus on.

Answer 6

wow sounds like a nightmare, i hope you get over it and remember the true meaning behind it all. goodluck with your life and congrats on your new marriage!  

Answer 7

If you want to make God laugh, make a plan...

Watch that Dr.Phil show about the couple who almost died, along with the entire wedding party, when the deck they were standing on collapsed and they all plummeted 3 stories into and around a pool.

Things like the purse(you COULD have stuck it between your feet under your gown) or the veil(you could've re-done it in five minutes if you hadn't panicked, right?) are so minor as to sound ridiculous. Bubble wrap marks? Icing? Do you think anyone cared? There was a death in the family, and you could have used all of these little snafus as a joke to lighten everyone's mood; "Looks like ____________ is upset that they had to miss the wedding!"

Can you blame your husband for being tired of hearing about it? In his mind, you think that this is partially his fault. You associate the wedding "disasters" with the marriage. Your father is sick and you're upset that he had an X-Games logo on the backpack CARRYING HIS OXYGEN. You're lucky he was able to walk you down the aisle at all. He probably found it very taxing.

Hey, I was an ugly duckling, too. We all want and deserve that chance to be a princess. I lost my job and my home this year and my family hasn't helped me at all. But they're coming to the wedding, as long as there's a free meal. They aren't even sending gifts. My formal wedding probably won't go that smoothly, Lord knows the civil ceremony didn't(my flowers wilted, we forgot the license and had to go back for it, someone cut in line on us, my skirt fell off), but it'll just make for funny stories someday.

Look at the wonderful man next to you. He loves you. That ROCKS. Retake the wedding portraits and throw a museum-like gala. Show the portraits and have a champagne toast. Take pictures of yourself in your gown in your backyard, with a soft hairdo and your veil right side up. Invite your friends to bring their gowns and do it too, and listen to their stories of what went wrong at their weddings. I think that you'll find things weren't as perfect as they seemed to you.  

Answer 8

awwwww....that sucks that your day got botched up, however much of those things you listed are small details.  Hopefully your honeymoon was better?

I think as time passes you will look back and the bad memories will fade.  Many many people have stuff go wrong like this.

Answer 9

How long have you been married? What if for your next anniversary, you plan some kind of party, maybe not as lavish as a reception, but some way that you try to settle this disappointment that you have. To save money, maybe don't serve dinner, just do cake and dancing. Hire a photographer for a couple of hours to take some photos. Get dressed up and try to stress over it and try to have a good time!

Answer 10

I know how you feel. My wedding was ruined by my room mates getting drunk at the reception. I told them to NOT bring alcohol and they did anyway. They were all rude to our families. Then to top it all off I HAD to spend my honeymoon with my very ungrateful mother and sister in law. They were both rude and horrible. yeah fun. I know how you feel. for our 10th, were having a renewal of vows, and the honeymoon I never got to take. sorry for your wedding day, but you can make up for it by creating special memories with your new husband.

good luck. :)  

Answer 11

Unfortunately, things just don't always go the way we planned.  I know it's hard to plan something for so long, and then not have it work out the way you would have liked.  I could give you an entire litany of things that happened at my daughter's weddings - the best laid plans that don't quite work out (not the least of which was the dead butterflies release).  The most important thing is that you are married to the man you love.

In time (maybe a long time!) you'll look back at this and laugh.  

Answer 12

Based on the fact that you say you didn't go to prom, and you felt like the ugly duckling and this was "your" moment to shine...your focus for the wedding was misplaced.  You seem to have some issues from your past that you had not dealt with and let go of, and now you have another one that you will no doubt negatively relive for years to come until you let go.  Stop focusing on the negatives and focus on the positive.  Every time you think of something negative about your wedding, force yourself to think of something positive.  For example, instead of thinking your dad walked you down the aisle with a X-Games backpack (IV pack) on his back, be thankful that he was there to walk you down the aisle.  Your bitterness will hurt you the most, but may also hurt your marriage.

Answer 13

I am so sorry to hear all those things went wrong on your wedding day.  That must feel terrible after years of dreaming of the perfect day.

Let me offer you one thought to keep things in perspective.  Many people never find the right person.  I am still single and would give anything to have just married the man of my dreams, wedding mishaps and all.  So please, the next time you start obsessing over what went wrong, take a minute to think about how very lucky you are.

I sincerely believe someday you and your husband will look back and laugh about all those things.  You will sit around with your children and grand-children and probably tell that story over and over.  And you will laugh.  I guarantee it.  

Answer 14

Start saving your money now. On your 1 year anniversary renew your vows at a destination hotel that does nice weddings. Wear your dress, if you don't still like it, try to get a new on at a sample sale. Have the photographer take pictures and display those instead.  It won't be a complete redo, but it will give you the some of the magic you missed out on.

Answer 15

Your wedding goofs are a bit extreme.

My wedding photographer died before he processed the photos. We'd already paid.  I can't remember all the other little things that happened.

I think you writing this all down is good therapy.  In fact I would recommend writing out every little mishap.

Then tear it up, stomp on the papers and burn them.  

This will be funny in 30 years.  But not now.

Get a hold of something of UPS to stomp on also.

Answer 16

Okay, so I understand what you are saying because just about everything that could go wrong with my special day did. I was even depressed on most of my honeymoon and to top all of that off, I ended up getting so sick I had to stay in the hotel room. So did it suck, yes, but the truth is that even if one thing went wrong you would remember that because you wanted the wedding to be perect and maybe perfect wouldn't even be god enough. It a couple of months it won't seem so bad. I in a few months, you will be telling everyone the stories. In a year, you will be laughing about it. Now, for me, sevven and a half years later, I laugh about it all the time. There are other things that will become more important and this day and that disappointment will go away. You aren't crazy, but normal. Good luck with everything and just let your feelings out and you will get over them.

Answer 17

but what an adventure

and what a story to tell

something goes wrong in everyone's wedding, they just don't talk about it, but there are so many details that every one of them cannot possibly go right.  

Answer 18

I sent you an email...well 3 cause it was so long lol but I had MANY things happen and go terribly wrong on my day too...I got married 8/16/08   but you know what..I have you beat unfortunately and I have a rebuttal to the 'at least you are married' comments you have been getting...My officiant never showed up and we got "married" by the limo driver so it wasn't even legal!

My mom didn't show, the cake that showed up wasn't the cake I ordered it looked like a home made cake an aunt made not an expensive baker cake, the dj didn't show, my mom bailed 2 weeks before on the caterer, we invited 75 people only 20 showed. of that 20, only 9 were for me, 5 of which were my family (dad and 2 brothers and my 2 sons)...and i have 9 siblings, 17 aunts and uncles and hundreds of cousins...

Answer 19

Wow!  That was one h**l of a day.

I can only imagine how terrible you must have felt.  We'll all glam over it and say "it's just a day, no big deal" but after a year of planning, I know any bride in your shoes would just feel horrible.

Sadly, you could've recovered and missed the chance.  It's always important to stay calm and graceful, even when the world is turning upside down.  Still, I can't say that I would've remained graceful in your shoes either.

So your family is tired of hearing about it.  I'm sure you're tired of THINKING about it.  Just let it go.  Take a few deep breaths and let it go.  There's no use dwelling on a bad day, no matter how horrific it was.  You need to mourn and move on.

If my wedding turned out anything as you've described, I'd start planning for a redo all over again--no matter how long it took. This time, opt for an indoor ceremony.  Even if you can't afford all the glitz and glam, plan for the things that were really important to you, and you missed.  Like that blue runner, your wedding veil on right, and someone to hold your purse for petal toss.  For the reception, have a back yard bbq (no use risking half your guests not showing up!) and the best d**n cake you've ever tasted with blue pearls.

Just think... when your kids wonder why you have two sets of wedding photos, you'll have quite the story to tell them.

I'm sorry your day was so bad.

Chin up and start saving and planning.

Answer 20

Next year go to Vegas for your 1st anniversary and do a simple renewal ceremony.

Answer 21

All i can say is that you married the man of your dreams and thats all that should matter.  I could have married my husband naked in a puddle of mud and I wouldnt have cared about anything other then the fact that we got married.  the fact that you want a re-do shows that the wedding itself was obviously more important to you then the marriage.  Sure every girl dreams of the perfect wedding, but nothing in life is perfect and you need to learn to look past the bad and only see the good.  is a wedding re-do going to make you any more married and in love with your husband?  not likely so I say get over it and get on with the rest of your lives together.

Answer 22

For a day that is all about holy matrimony, it seems to be a lot about the day and you than anything else. Listen, things don't always go according to plan, if I could turn the clock back and fix the things that went wrong in my life I would. Sadly that's beyond us and there is nothing you can do change the past. So look to the future, your married! Congratulation! You have an entire new life and clean slate ahead of you. You want to get over one day? Well do it by living a great life

Answer 23

Yea that really sucks.

I'm supposed to be getting married in less than 3 weeks and none of my mom's side of the family is coming due to a feud with my dad's side and it's at my paternal grandparents house. All because of a separation/divorce between my parents that happened almost 13 years ago.

Could be worse.