Dissapointing shower?

Question

i just got home from my "wedding shower" and i have to say, i am a little upset. there were only 10 people because my MOH didn't send out invitations until 2 weeks ago, and the people that did come, i see all the time. it felt like a regular day hanging out at a friends house (there were no games or anything, the only time it felt like a shower was when we did the gifts). she didn't even invite my mom, my grandma, or my future MIL.

has anyone else had an awful shower, and am i selfish for feeling this way?

Answer 1

You're stupid. At least they tried. If you don't like it, why don't you plan one.

Answer 2

EVERYONE WHO'S CALLING HER SELFISH NEEDS TO HOLD IT RIGHT THERE

My goodness! Have you all lost your moral judgement?? She's only getting married once you know.. Chances are this is her first experience, & hopfully her only.

Hun, I'm sorry that your MOH didn't think of the occassion highly enough, as much as she should have. That is her role as MOH, (everyone- google MOH duties...) yep...

I'm sorry this was your experience. My suggestion, have something set with the Bachlorette party if you want to help make up for the lack of the bridal shower. & talk to all your bridesmaids- get them in on it. Set something up so that you won't be dispointed again.

But all in all, don't let this beat you up. There's still a rehearshal dinner with family, bachlorette party, Your wedding ceremony & reception...Then your honeymoon...Don't let this situation last any longer than it has, & live it up for the rest of the traditions ;)

Answer 3

1. Why didn't you provide your MOH with a guest list?

2. After your MOH offered to do the shower, if you wanted games, you could have said something. Many brides think the games are lame and stupid and don't want them. Maybe she thought you were one of those brides.

3. At least your MOH threw you a shower (or tried.) My MOH announced she was not helping with any wedding plans and thus my late mother's best friend threw me a shower to which she had all of my mom's old friends. She did invite my MIL, husband's grandmother and SIL, of which only my MIL could be bothered to come. Neither my MOH nor my bridesmaid could be bothered to even show up.

So that was like a night hanging out with my mom's friends. Yummy food and they gave me kitchen stuff and recipes and read letters from my out of town aunts and grandmothers but...mostly lame and I missed my friends.

Answer 4

Your being selfish.  You also need to work with her on it, and tell her not only that you want one, but who you want there.  If you want it done your way, do it yourself.  

Answer 5

Ah, so sad for you. Two weeks' notice is enough for a shower if held in the same city, though.

I can't believe she didn't invite your family - so I hope either your mom or MIL will throw you a family shower.

Answer 6

I agree with Beans.  You can't expect others to throw a party the way you expect if they don't know how and clearly that seemed to be the case since the invitations were so late and your mom, grandmother and future MIL weren't invited.  OH well.  Them are the breaks.  I wouldn't stew about it too much, but do spend 20 minutes stamping around and whining.  It will get it out of your system. Many women get no shower at all or even worse, the MOH drops the ball entirely and the shower is canceled.

You can't help how you feel, but you can suck it up and move on from it.

Answer 7

Yes it is.  You have no say about what the shower turns out to be.  It is not mandatory to have one and if you had friends that even made the attempt you have only one appropriate response and that is gratitude that they cared enough to do anything.  So yo saw people you see all the time.  What did you expect to see, celebrities, dancing bears what?  Be happy you even had a shower  many brides do not.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry you had a crumby shower. Your MOH should not have given it, if that is how she felt about it. I hope that someone noticed what a bad job she did, and tries to make it up to you.

You might want to call your MOH, not to whine, but to apologize to her for the MOH. Or apologize to your Mom, and have her call the MIL.  

Answer 9

Sorry you had a bad experience.  I did too--two of them.  

1.  My bridesmaid didn't plan one at all because she was jealous that I was getting married and she didn't even have a boyfriend.  So another friend stepped in at the last minute and threw something together.  There were 4 people there--two of them were girls I had only met once or twice but were available at the last moment.  We played "Pin the Macho on the Man", appropriately using a poster of Woody from Toy Story...

2.  My mother-in-law to be threw me a shower with all their family.  The game was to answer questions about me and where we met.  No one knew any of the answers, which made me feel like a total loser.  Then her sister said in a real snotty voice, "We don't know anything about HER.  Ask us other kinds of questions."

You're not selfish, you're hurt.  It's ok to feel that way.  Years from now it won't really matter anyway.  And instead of doing the same thing back to her, I'd do my best to throw her an awesome shower so she'll learn for the future and so that you can honor her regardless of what she did.  It may just be a matter or what she's gifted in.  I'm a horrible birthday-rememberer and gift giver, whereas my sister-in-law always sends care packages, cards, and gifts.

Answer 10

Your MOH is a b...............tch.  That was a terrible thing to do and she should be told that you didn't appreciate her not inviting your family people that were important to you.  If I were you, I would ask my Mother to throw you a shower and do the traditional thing, with paper written invitations, registering at certain stores, and have the games that you want...Keep your MOH out of this one.  If she doesn't attend, then good, she will not be missed.  It almost seems that she doesn't want to be the MOH at your wedding.  Ask her, if she gives you a lukewarm answer, then I would consider asking another friend or sister if you have one.

Answer 11

yet another bridezilla........boo hoo hoo

Answer 12

I would be upset too. That is one of your MOH's big tasks to do. But it would be awkward to have another shower, maybe you can emphasis to your MOH that you want a big bacc. party and she can make up for the bad shower.  

Answer 13

I don't blame you for being upset.

If you still have time before the wedding, I'd mention it to your mom that you wanted one with family but your MOH kinda screwed it up. Maybe she'll ask an aunt or something to throw you a second one, for your family.  

Answer 14

It depends on whether "showers" are normal in your area.  where I live, "showers" are not common and so when someone has one, people tend to think they are being greedy.  so if you apply the culture where I live - I would say yes, you are selfish.  

Answer 15

Well, since youre not the host you cant really tell her what you wanted the shower to be like. Its up to the host to decide that. And also, I dont know why having only 10 people there is disappointing. In my opinion, the best showers are small, intimate affairs. I dont like it when theres a bunch of people who dont know each other and you have to strain your neck to see the bride opening presents.

However, I can understand being upset about not inviting the women in your family -- that was a huge oversight on her part. Maybe shes never been to a shower or planned a party before? It just sounds like she did try, but it was not well thought out.

If shes your friend, youll give her a break.

Answer 16

I understand why you're feeling that way, but yes you are being selfish. At least they tried. Not everyone is good at throwing parties and other social stuff, and if you wanted it to be a certain way, you really should have planned it yourself, or at least told the MOH exactly what you wanted, and offered to help her out.

Answer 17

Since your Mom didn't get invited, you could have a family shower.  I'm not sure how long you have until your wedding, but it could be like a do-over.  Also older women know how to throw traditional ones better anyways.

An over the top Bachelorette party may help cure the shower blues too :)

Also if it's too close consider having a Welcome Home or Housewarming party a month after your wedding.  That way you could be in charge of it, and everyone can stop by and see your house and how you're using their gifts!

Answer 18

I personally think showers are stupid and didn't have one.

However, you wanted one, and it was lame. You MOH is pretty lame for throwing a sucky one. Maybe you should have given her more details, but maybe you were just trying not to be a Bridezilla.

The best thing to do now would be to plan a "Special Day" with your mom, grandma, and future mother-in-law. Go out for lunch, go shop for something, or have them over and cook and hang out. It's not all about the presents. Getting those guys together would surely cheer you up.

You may also need to tell them that your MOH did not invite you to your shower, and you are sorry they missed it (and that it was a little lame anyway so they weren't missing much). However, I would say this after they got to your house or you met them out somewhere - otherwise it will look like you're fishing for gifts.

EDIT:  If you told her all the info, then I would really be super-pissed. She'd better get your bachelorette party right. Who the h**l does Facebook anyway? Especially after they sold everyone's personal information? How lame. Honestly, if there were people on the list who couldn't make it because of the short notice, I would get together with a friend (one I could trust) and have another shower because the first one sucked so bad. Then they can invite everyone (except the people who came to the "first" shower). I hope you have enough time before the wedding to do this.

Answer 19

no thats not selfish... you're made of honor is terrible for not doing more to help you plan it and for sending the invitations out late.

Answer 20

Did you give the MOH the list of people (& the addresses) to invite and she didn't invite them?  I believe the bride should provide the list of invitees.  Maybe she thought this shower was for friends only.  It is not unusual for a bride to have 3 showers - his side, her side & friends.  Minimally, both mothers should be invited to all.

Maybe the MOH really didn't know what to do.  Maybe all the bridesmaids should have helped.  Or you could have found out if your mother could have helped her.  Some showers don't have games.  Maybe you could have discussed what you would have liked before the shower.

Being a hostess doesn't always come naturally to everyone. So maybe she just didn't know what to do.

Answer 21

It's what happened. Enjoy your family showers, because your hen shower apparently didn't turn out well. Yes, it's a bummer, but there's nothing that can be done now. I know that I likely wouldn't have done any better than your Maid of Honour, because I am so incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of a hen shower for myself: I wouldn't be able to plan one for someone else, because I'd feel I was being mean, even though I knew otherwise.

For other people who feel the same way as I do: avoid doing this to the poor bride. Find someone who is willing to throw the kind of shower that the bride wants and ask her to do it.

Answer 22

I think I would be upset if thats how mine was.

Answer 23

I would have a luncheon or something fun to sort of make up for it but don't call it a "shower" just a pre wedding girls event

You can have some cocktails and have some games or whatever

Explain to you mom what happened and see if she would be willing to sort of "host" this in your honor

If this happened to my daughter I would hope that she would come to me and tell me what happened so we could figure something out.  Basically this is what I would do for my daughter ~ You could maybe do a brunch

Tell people it is a pre wedding celebration, have your mom send out invitations but don't expect gifts, you may get some or you may not but at least it will be a bit more fun and to your liking

Don't worry about the other situation & even invite her so she will know what she should have done in a sense

Sorry but Congrats on your Wedding to BE!!!

Answer 24

you should expect more from your maid of honor. when they agree to take on the role they should expect to do these things for you :) it's part of the whole wedding experience and why should you miss out on that becauase they were lazy. I was flying from australia to canada for the wedding so I didn't get a bridal shower due to limited time but my stagette party was awesome, everyone came and brought food and it was even better than expected!!