Disturbing..Serious answers only please, we don't know what to do.?

Question

We have had my step-daughter (7 years old) in our home full time for almost a year. Through this time, the impact of her sexual abuse in her mother's home has became more and more clear. **Before I ask what I'm about to ask, we do have her in therapy and the therapist has been informed of what is going on, but offers no advice to us, as parents.**

First off, she masturbates often, she keeps an infection in the vaginal area and I'm incredibly worried that it's going to cause some serious problems. Second, last night after tucking her in to bed I came downstairs. A few minutes later I peek in to check on her and she has our dog, and the dog is l*****g her private area. (We have taken the dog and had to tie him up and keep a VERY close eye on him for fear this will occur again.) Third, she has gotten around a 4 year old little boy and she has done things to him of a sexual nature, or tells him about things of a sexual nature or shows him her body parts. We can not continue with these things occuring. We have stressed the fact of how wrong the things that happened to her were. We have also stressed the fact that these things that happened to her by her mom's boyfriend were not her fault and that we love her. I know that things like this take time, but I am very, very worried. We have switched therapists because the past therapist was not doing so well. I'm not impressed with the current therapist either. We really, really need advice from someone who has been there or from someone who has experience in working with children who do these things. Can anyone please help? I have tried help from professionals, so has my husband, and we just want to help her to get to a place in her life where she can be a child and be happy, confident. We are having trouble finding the right person to help us work through this. We are also worried because we are expecting a baby and do not want him to be victimized by sexual abuse either, and are afraid that she could possibly do it to him as well. Does anyone have any advice please? Thank you. God bless everyone for listening and helping!

Answer 1

You have to do some research to find professionals to help you and this girl.

Try to find Play Therapy. It is great and will definitely work for her. That would be a way for professionals to help her and let her express what she is feeling inside. I got my kids into Play Therapy to help them to recover from severe emotional abuse by their father.

Google if you have to. There is professionals that are compassionate and caring. Make sure they specialize in children who have been abused.

I know this has to be tough on you and your husband. You also have to have support to help you all. She really does need help to understand that there are people who love and care about her and will not hurt her.

One of the things you can do is just ask her how she is feeling and leave it at that. Then let her talk and just listen. Allowing her to express her feelings verbally will help release what she is feeling inside. But seriously, look into Play Therapy.

Answer 2

Aloha Rand...IMO, Your MAIN focus right now is Protecting your little boy and the baby you have coming...this Poor Child is DEEPLY Scarred and your other babies should not be subjected to her...THIS may sound Callous, but NEVER leave her alone with your other Children. As far as HELPING the Little Girl Herself...you need to see about getting her some INTENSIVE, Possibly an "Institutional" type Care with In-Patient Counseling...the behavior she exhibits is Beyond You and Your Husbands (her Dad) abilities. She needs Round The Clock Professional Care (at least for a while) Speak to her Psychiatrist/Psychologist about these types of arrangements...it would take her Being actually Committed to a Care Facility by A Physician..if this is deemed Necessary by a Doctor, Your Insurance would generally pay...This is SUCH a Serious Situation for all involved..My Prayers are with Your Family~~Aloha~~Michelle~~

Answer 3

Call the largest children's hospital in your area,preferably one in a big city.  The reason I say that is because often times those hospitals have the best staff who have done a lot of research in fields.  Keep calling until you find someone who can help you.  She may need to go somewhere in patient until she stops acting out so much.  But don't give up trying.  I feel for you, really.  

Answer 4

I have only had a little experience with child with past sexual abuse.  I had a few children in day care class of which I was teacher.  From my little experience what your step daughter is doing is not that uncommon given her horrible abuse.

Honestly I am not sure if it is completely safe for her to be in the house with your 4 year old boy and upcoming child.  Is there a grandparent or aunt or someone else close by that could take care of the child for awhile?  I think with some therapy and help your step-daughter might be in a situation where she could come back to your house, but I don't know if right now is a good time for her to be there.  A family that had older children (12 years or older) or where she was the only child might be a good fit.  A place where she would not be predator to others.  She is just acting out what she had learned.  Now she needs time to unlearn those actions.  I know this is not exactly what you want to hear, but it might be the best thing for all those involved.

I really feel for you and your step-daughter.  I am always shocked when mother's allow this kind of thing to happen (and clearly this happened over and over again) in there home.  You have my prayers and I hope the best for your family.

Answer 5

Yuo can try the links below, I suffered from child abuse and had a problem with the "M" word as a young child, the problem with it was I was also orgamsing at the age of 3 as well and thats why I was hooked, and it releaved stress. A person usually will love s*x or hate it and/or becoem the vitimizer, sounds like she is already starting to  have problems with s*x addiction and interpreting love as a form of s*x.

You need to go thru all the theraphists and maybe find a female theraphist for her because when your innocents is taken away, young female can become very seductive even at a young age, so a female therapist is more appropriate for her, if theraphy is not working, I would suggest the links below, theophostics helped me alot, and I was able to go back to a memory I had blacked out. I would suggest both, if you cna find them in your area. Good luck!

Answer 6

Bless her little heart, and yours. I wish I had solid advice for you, but I wanted to show support. The best I know to tell you is to keep searching for professional help for her. Do not leave her in a room alone with other children as children who have been abused can turn into abusers as you well know. Good luck to your family, I hope you find what you need.

Answer 7

This is a very sad and natural thing happening. With my experience, I can tell you that this child is normal and intelligent. Only she was very lonely and ignorant where she was. So, someday she found out stimulating body was a joy. So when she feels lonely, she occupies herself doing this. Children between 4-10 develop this behaviors. Keep herself extremely  busy that she would not have time to think that she is lonely or alone. No sharp or heavy things near to her when she was not watched, then she will use them on her. She should not be left alone with any children. She is not trusted at this moment. When she goes to bed make sure she is awful tired. Leave her door open. Keep her busy at all time least for six months. When she will find herself occupying with things she will not do that. She is going through child-musterbating-emotional problem that she could not express in words. You also spent some time with her reading books. Play with her something she likes besides sexual things. You can ask her why does she do that and what makes her feel doing that?, She will tell you whole lot that you can imagine and it will be easier for you to handle her once you find out the real cause. Do not force her though. Let her be easy with you. She needs love and attention.  Be very friendly with her that should help her to forget musterbating.

Answer 8

wow, omg...that it so awful, that poor little girl! I would go and talk to her pediatrician...privately..without her with you. Perhaps he can refer you to a trusted therapist that he has had experience with in the past. Just so you know though, that kind of behavior is completely normal in abused children ( speaking from experience with one I know) she is preoccupied with sexual behavior right now...however the fact that she has acted out on another child is very serious and I would suggest you keep looking for a therapist until you find one that can really truly help her. I dont have alot of advice except to say Im so very sorry your dealing with this and I hope she finds the help she needs.

Answer 9

why is she masturbating at 7?!? explain..