Divorce-- Parents... SHALL i find out? WHAT would you do...?

Question

FOR all those that their parents are divorced.... So my parents are divorce since i was 3 now I'm 20, Iv heart a lot of stories about why they took divorce... my dad is not talking to me, BUT he says to me that on my 21 Birthday he will tell me all the true about my mom & him.... SO what shall i do ....WOULD you want to find out or is not even worth it ?what you think?

Answer 1

It doesn't matter what went on between your parents, that is between those two, and no one else's business. If they have been separated that long, what difference does it make to any one.  There is always one of the people involved that has to continue smear topics about the other one, but you love both of them, and don't have to hear what is bad about them.  I would tell Dad that it really doesn't matter what happened because it is all water under the bridge and that after this long it is time for them to be at least civil to each other, because you will be getting married, and having children of your own and want your family to be able to enjoy your whole family, without problems coming to the for front.  

Answer 2

What ever happened 17 yrs ago has nothing to do with you now at 20.. that was between your mum and your dad.

Your dad has been building this moment up in his head for 17 yrs and expects it to be life changing to you and a moment of release for him.  You have built up a relationship with both parents and how you feel about them today should not change after this epic news. it will most probably be.. your mum cheated on me.. or your mum kicked me out... or there was financial problems.. i drank and i'm sorry.. there is a multitude of reasons that he could come up with. but unless its because he was a kiddy fiddler on you or another child there should be no reason for you to change your life for his story.

Answer 3

Why your parents got divorced is really no ones business....I think your dad is being really irresponsible. Is the "truth" going to make you feel better? Is it going to change anything? Remember, this is HIS interpretation.......may not even be the truth for all you know. It sounds to me that he is wanting to "save face".

Not worth it. It will change nothing and possibly make things worse or more confusing.

Answer 4

My parents have been divorced for 28 yrs. now and my dad still harbors resentment towards my mom. If they haven't told you by now then they probably won't they're just making excuses. But does it really matter now anyway? You can't change anything, its the past and that's where it should stay. Good luck with everything.

Answer 5

Kind of strange for him to tell you now.  But I bet it was something like cheating, and you never want to tell your kids that.  Whatever he says, go to your mom and confirm the story.  There are always two sides to every story.  Remember that.

Also, I would want to know.  Just so I know not to make the same mistakes as my parents did.

Answer 6

Interesting...what a birthday present. Maybe he wants to legally be able to pour you a drink before you hear the story???

I know lots of things about my parents that I wish I didn't know, but found out going through some of my dad's papers after he died.

I wouldn't have wanted to know them at the time either, though I was touched to find out he fought a legal battle for me with the person who fraudulently took part of my inheritance from my mother, even though my father and mother had been divorced and dealing with this person was very difficult for my father.

I honestly knew nothing about it until years after my father died, and I've never confronted the other family member about it, choosing instead to be happy about my dad sticking up for me.

Anyway, I know more than I want to know about my parents' marriage and I am not sure it benefited me to find out the things I did.

If it was me, I'd let it go, but ymmv.

Be well.

Answer 7

now how can any one else tell whether its worth finding out or no,, if u dnt kno nything regarding tht matter ,how can u expect others to answer its solution, think.

i guess u should wait for right time and thts ur 21st birthday when mystrey will be solved and till then keep this thing aside and get on with ur life.

Answer 8

Hi Natalie......

Well, the bottom line is, how important is it for you to get this information.  True...it may or may not be biased and the simple fact that your dad prefers to wait until you are twenty one indicates that what he has to say about your Mom is not only unpleasant but also something you would not tell a child.

The information, if believed will only alienate you further from your mom.  If that's ok......go for it.   If it's not important to your well being.....let it go and get on with your life.

I wish you well.

Answer 9

Frankly, that's not very fair of your dad.  He should either have told you straight up what was on his mind or shut up until you are 21.

Please remember anything that he does tell you in bound to be biased.  Balance it out by also talking to your mum.

It all happened a long time ago - does it even matter now?  Would you really change your opinion of either of your parents when you know why they split up?

If I were you I'd tell your dad that its water under the bridge and that you're not interested.  Their problems were there problems 17 years ago.  It does not have to have an effect on your life at all.

Answer 10

I would not want to reopen the wound for either of my parents.  I am surprised that you don't already kind of know why they divorced - you are lucky to have 2 parents that have put their opinions about each other aside for your sake.  I would appreciate what I had and not go there.  Chances are the whole truth won't come out of either of them or they will have different opinions and you will be torn thinking about which 'side' you agree with.

Live for the moment, not the past.

Answer 11

I think that so long as your happy now you shouldnt help him to remember a sad time to just know information which could make you sad and probably isnt worth it at all.