Divorce advice: wife schizoaffective and bipolar?

Question

I know I want a divorce from the wife, as she is very unstable. She was institutionalized less than a year ago for swinging at a waiter and two police officers (about a week after she started getting nervous twitches, talking to herself, and ignoring our baby son). I want to get out of the relationship before she neglects him again and sticks me with another 25,000 dollar medical bill.

I know she will contest it, and perhaps be violent about it. There is no other woman in my life, I just can't live with the one that I have. I tried since she was hospitalized to deal with it, but I just can't do it anymore and I don't want my boy growing up in that kind of environment.

What to do? How can I proceed without her knowing (well, until the papers are ready for filing)? Also, our state of Utah requires a mandatory mediation class. I'm sure they will waive it given the circumstances. She is in a downward spiral and I need to get out quickly. I'm considering having a sheriff present at the time I tell her, because I've seen her lose control before and hit policemen and I want a witness to her violent behavior. She is a danger to my son and I--and I just don't trust her alone with him. What kind of a timeframe am I looking at? I'd rather get it over with as quickly as possible. I feel a bit guilty about filing for sole (or at least 3/4) custody with her end being supervised, but it's in his best interest. I know he and I need out, but it's extremely stressful seeing her on a downward decline and wondering what night she's going to snap again. Any advice?

Answer 1

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Its very hard to watch someone you love become such an angry person. Reminds me of a song by Tim McGraw - Angry all the Time. I believe you probably did love her at some time and have been struggling with your feelings. Leaving isn't an easy choice. I would suggest talking to a lawyer on this one and finding out all the steps that are necessary. If you are going for full custody you have your work cut out for you. You'll need to prove her unfit which will be very painful for her. Do you have a dr that will sign off on something like that? You may need a restraining order. If you are responsible for her insurance that may not change even after the divorce. She may get alimony and continued insurance from you along with child support should she get the kids. A close friend of mine just went through this. It got crazy. He got worse and worse. There were stalking issues. Threats, fear of suicide. He was arrested for breaking a restraining order. Did it again after he got out of jail. Stayed in jail for a long time because of the lack of medical assistance. Just got really messy. I wish you the best. Good luck to you.  

Answer 2

Compile your dcumentation, get police records and medical reports. Oh and pay off credit cards and remove your name from them before filing for divorce.

Answer 3

GET A LAWYER !!

in many states mental illness is grounds for divorce. A contested divorce can last a long time.

You need to get physical custody of your child and get your lawyer to hammer out separation details on Medical coverage.

Ask for an Social Security disability evaluation for her, mental illness is grounds for her receiving it.

As long as you are legally married you can be held responsible for bills she incurs

Answer 4

Even though your wife is getting help, it's a great thing that you're looking out for your son.  You don't want to put him at risk and obviously she is neglecting him by ignoring him.  Being that it would be considered child endangerment, I don't think you would have to worry about whether the divorce will go through.  You can only take so much of your wife and her actions, but in the end you and your son will both be happy.  If she swings at a sheriff, she doesn't care who she hurts especially if she's physically abusive.  I would suggest to have law enforcement too. Yes, you promised to marry someone through sickness and health, but its not a good environment for your son.

Answer 5

i am glad you posted the additional details of her keeping the illness from you -

if she is getting help with her illness - you really would not have too much luck with your current demands - as long as she is trying to get better - she has, and SHOULD have a chance -

medication is still hit and miss with many mental illnesses (trust me, i know) - therapy is also - depending on your therapist - in addition to her initial illness - it sounds as if these latest episodes were brought on by post partum (infant son) - it will not be an overnight turn around - it will take time for the medications to become effective - and it will take time to find out if it is the CORRECT medication, in the right dosage -

it sounds as if you have given up - in this situation - with a new baby, mental illness you are not prepared to live with - you should just get out -

the divorce probably will be messy - and it will not go quickly - be prepared for it - if you can not afford an attorney start with legal aid -

depending on your situation, you may be eligible for help with abused spouse resources

since you are a man, it is probable that you may have difficulty convincing others you are the abused one - so make sure you have your documentation - police reports, and any hospital bills you may have - medical records are confidential, so that could probably get VERY STICKY if you have those - they probably would not be admissable in court with out a subpeoana

Answer 6

You don't sound like you ever really loved her.  That's sad.  Make sure to keep your son away from her, at least until she is stabilized with medication.  Then look over your vows in sickness and in health means mentally or physically sick.  Good luck.