Divorce and separation question?

Question

If women apparently are responsible for initiating more than 70% of divorces/separation, what would be the reasons behind this?

Is it just for the money, as some men seem to think or is there more behind this?

I think that more women today are reluctant to stay in a terrible marraige and not all marraiges can be saved, so should the blame rest solely on the woman or could the man have a part to play as well?

Answer 1

It's called Green Grass Syndrome (GGS) or at least I call it that.   Everything that goes wrong and can't be immediately fixed or repaired is a part of the man's not caring.  But all these other guys out there...oh what would it have been like with him, or him?  I deserve to be treated like a princess.  My "needs" aren't getting met.  This marriage is unbearable.  I've been trying to save it (nagging incessantly about things that can't be changed immediately, and certainly not by one person).  He just isn't doing anything about it (can't get boss to double his pay AND spend more time at home, both at the same time).  Then just like she got rid of that purse, "that was perfect for her", and shoes that were "just so cute," she tosses aside the man that was her "soul-mate," so that she can go rolling around in the green grass, only it turns out to be astro-turf and she gets rug burn all over her ***.

Answer 2

I think people are less willing to try to repair marriages or relationships these days, it's modern culture. Everything and everyone is disposable and women more than men like themselves some of that quick fix convenience whether it's losing weight or ending a marriage. Of course men have their part, but I think the majority of divorces are initiated by women because they have far less to lose. There are rarely the same economic penalties that men face, so why the h**l not? It's easier than two people trying to get past their problems and grow as people when the woman can just start taking the ex's money out on the town to find a new man while she leaves any kids at her mom's place for the night.

Answer 3

IDK, i do know that a woman has multichoices and that probably leads to weighing up and looking at all the options and choosing one path or another. Ive heard one woman doing it out loud, adding up the potential child payments and all the benefits and weighing them up against her life with her husband, this husband is hardworking, devoted and whipped but i got the feeling that if she could have faulted him, the divorce would have been on.

I think with women these days it often comes down to selfishness, "because I'm worth it".

Answer 4

The only way to answer this is to stop support an see if the numbers fall.

Answer 5

I think that if there are kids, the women are more likely to instigate a divorce because a bad marriage has a negative effect on the kids.  That's why my sister filed for divorce - her husband refused to spend any time with the kids and the kids were developing problems as a result.  He remarried and had a third child who he ignores (and his new wife is filing for divorce), while my sister found a great guy who's crazy about the kids, so they're all happy.

Answer 6

Why anyone would want to *make* someone stay, who doesn't want to is beyond me.

As for financial gain being a reason for divorce, there are MUCH easier ways to make a buck.

Cheers :-)

Answer 7

Most definitely men have a part.  But today women have more opportunities and are much more educated as the support systems.  For example abused women can find help today where years ago they were imprisoned in a hopeless situation.  More and more women find a place in the military.  Women have more choices today.

Answer 8

mostly a mixture of unrealistic expectations, a more me-me-me consumer culture afflicting both man and women and the way the legal system makes it easier for women to divorce(make it less financially painful) all add to the current dismal state of marriage in the USA.

     If they made it hard to get married(1-3 years of regular counseling), hard to get divorced, and increase the benefits of marriage and decrease the benefits of divorce it might lower the divorce rate a bit.



    The Blame usually falls on both party's most of the time, but the person who filed for divorce gets at least 2/3rd of the blame. That shows there unwilling to work things out.

    I guess the only exception is when the partner is a drunk(addict) or abusive: completely unwilling to work anything out.

But those cases are often rare in reality because it is a western tradition dating from roman times to paint your enemy like he or she did something terrible to you as justification for something(explanation of the sooo many fictional abuse cases)

Answer 9

Women are either delusional enough to think they can change a man, or have such a desire to marry, they rush into marriage with a creep.

Answer 10

never separate a divorce. my woman left because she was bored twice. she has 30 shoes but no pairs. we are not a pair so you must separate the two. two was her favorite number. she redecorated two times every thrice monthly. fatballs is sad because he didn't want any new wallpaper.

Answer 11

Think there are a lot of different factors...or possibles.

1...ya he's a jerk, abusive, cheated....a no duh on her part.

2.  situations like. they havnt been living together for two years, havnt spoken in months but he wont turn the paper work in.

3. she is financially stable and doesn't need him or his money.  If your independent, you can stay with someone b/c you want to not b/c you have to.

Answer 12

Since a lot of women make less than their partner-the money grubbing doesn't ring true-in spite of the whining about it. More and more women make more than their spouse-so they lose money-like myself-but we still leave. I think more women leave because they're more willing to do something about a bad situation and they get to the point where they'd rather be alone than deal with a jerk.

What I don't get is if marriage is so awful-why do many  divorced guys run out and get married so fast-whereas a lot less divorced women remarry? If money was supposedly important to these women-they should be rushing out to get another guy to sponge off of-but they're not. Makes you wonder just what men get out of marriage that they are willing to stay in bad ones or rush out for another marriage; and yet what is so bad about marriage that women want out of them and don't want to marry again once they've tried it...

Answer 13

I have heard many times, although I can't prove it. That men are more reluctant to get married/living together and have more difficulty in accepting a separation. They also say, that when one spouse/partner dies it is the woman who can adapt better.

If this is true, it is logical that women initiate a separation, when she feels that the relationship is not working anymore.

From the divorce people I know in my life,  yes, most women have initiate the divorce, for several different reasons, abusive partners, dead relationships (most of them), yes a relationships that is gone sour for whatever reason. The few men I know that have left a relationship, is generally because  of another (sometimes younger) woman.  These are my personal observations, but again, no rule.

I think this idea that women divorce because of  money, although true in some cases, it is not true for the majority of them. My mother separated from my abusive father when I was very young, she loved him and I think she loved him till she died, but it was a destructive relationship. The money? lol...my father helped with the minimum, although he had forbid her to work for years. When they separated my mother was terrified, as she had two small children, a revengeful ex- partner that didn't help economically, and she had to begin to look for work after 20 years staying at home. But she did it.

She also did this for US children, and she was right. When my father didn't live with us any more, is when we began to live in a normal home, she separated so us children could have a normal life, without being terrified of the physical violence at home. She did the right decision, although I know how hard it was for her.

There are million of reason on why people separate, and we know that separating is not an easy decision, generally when it happens, the partner that initiates the separation has been thinking about it for a long time.

But of course not all separation are because of dramatic dynamics inside the relationship, sometimes people just take themselves for granted, oh so wrong to do that, as we all need to feel special and valued. When quality time, communication dies, because everything else is more important...well for sure one or both of the partners will feel an emotional loss, and we all need emotional conection.

Answer 14

the figure is "up to 70%" - i belive it depends on the state.

the reasons are typical:  infidelity, communication breakdown, financial difficulties that hurt the relationship, abuse. for poor women, it can be the instability that comes with poverty.

some research says women leave for the 'financial incentives" but you have to realize there are  a lot of conservative researchers who find results based on their ideaology.

some guys on here are conservative, right wing or fathers righters and they tend to blame women and feminists for divorce.

in regard to money, women do less well after divorce financially and in the labor and marriage markets.

getting back to the groups, some of them advocate divorce reform (making it harder for women to divorce), some sell kits/books to stop divorce, some say women divorce for "frivolous" reasons (not true, women tend NOT to regret their decision) and of course you got the angry ones that blame women/fems no matter what.

i really think if men initiated up to 70% of divorce, women would be getting reamed for being the problem. as it is, we are getting reamed for initiating it & i have not seen fems or otherwise ream men for 'causing' divorce (nor do i advocate it, i just find it ironic how women get the blame).

Answer 15

The blame lies with selfish individuals who don't give a c**p about their children's feelings. If there are no children involved than be as selfish as you want, but kids didn't ask to be here, you chose that for them. You owe it to the innocent children to put your pride aside and work it out, unless threes abuse involved.

Answer 16

married twice; divorced twice; both initiated by me and you're right, women are no longer content to stay in rotten relationships.  "Well, he's your husband" no longer holds any relevance.  Besides, society supports women's independence now, something seriously lacking in the past.  As for blame - (regarding my own experiences) - when the guy stops listening, I start packing because that's the beginning of the end of communication.