Divorce/parenting/bi costal parenting!?

Question

ok heres the story i just had a baby boy by my soon to be exhusband we were married may31st -2008 but he cheated and i absolutey hate him with a passion i didn want him there for the birth of the baby but he weaseled his way in he has only seen the baby twice but i liv in hollywood ca he lives in houston tx .. so how should we handle custody and i dnt wanna see him at all not even when im giving my son over to him for visitation and how does the custody take is it wrong if i keep my spn away from him and his family the haven t even seen him they havent even aske to see him but he has seen him only once i wanna keep the baby in california and not let his family are him see it i think its best but i kno its not right sooo whats a parent to do

Answer 1

We're hearing a lot about what *you* want.

What do you think is right for your son, though?  What do you think he wants?  

He doesn't care about your romantic mishaps.  

He deserves a complete childhood, loved, raised, taught & cared for by both of his parents.  He deserves a full relationship with all of his extended family.  

So, what a *parent* (not a jilted lover) is to do, is to be a parent to their child, putting aside any personal issues & getting on with the responsibility of parenting their child, along with their child's other parent.  

My husband's ex (and, no - he didn't cheat on her, she left him because she was not having fun being married to him anymore) had a desire for him to drop off the face of the earth after she left.  She did everything to push him away.  She hated speaking to him, seeing him at transfers, knowing that he existed.  She let it eat her up so much that, when she finally violated the custody agreement one step too far & the judge reversed it, she simply gave up & walked out of her daughter's life, rather than have to 'see that man' again.  

Don't let your hate consume you.  Don't let it stand in the way of your being the best parent for your child (not for your romantic pride) that you can be.

Answer 2

You need to approach this with the mindset of doing what is best for your son, not you.  You are a mother now and in turn you come second, no matter what.  Since the baby is so young he needs to be with his mother for the majority of the time, I suggest you get a lawyer and speak with them about this and take action from there.  As for with holding your son from his grandparents and other family members on his fathers side, I think that is horrible and extremely immature.  I know your husband hurt you but his family had nothing to do with his decision and they have every right to see the new member of their family.  You need to stop thinking about yourself and start putting your sons needs before your own.

Answer 3

Children do best when they have two loving parents who are involved in their lives.  If the parents happen to be divorced, living far apart, and can't get along, that will be a huge challenge.  But it will be worth the effort for your baby's sake.  If you "hate him with a passion," it's not likely that you'll be able to talk to your husband to work out a parenting plan unless you are very strong and can set those feelings aside. I would suggest counseling or mediation to help you figure out what sort of parenting arrangement will come closest to meeting everyone's needs - with the focus on what's best for your child.