Divorced dads out there..Is this a normal thing?

Question

Or is my soon to be Ex husband just a tool?

My husband has moved out, I am over that but it is like he does not care about his son, he won't come see him, (unless I arrange that, which I have stopped doing)he won't help support him...(I am waiting for child support to go thru)...I never though he could be a dead beat, but maybe its a normal thing...to avoid me....any insight?

Answer 1

Some men will abandon their children to please there own selfish egos.  It's the old "all of you or nothing" adage.  Wait on your child support and don't force your kids into the hands of a loser who doesn't want to see them.  Think of how he might treat them or how your kids will feel when they see or can tell he really prefers to be without them?

You cannot make him a man or a father, no matter how hard you try.  He has to want that for himself.

Answer 2

There are a lot of good dads out there, but also a lot of dead beats too. I have no insight to that because my granddaughter hasn't only seen her dad 6 times in 7 years and he lived 10 minutes away. He may be trying to avoid you but at the same time hes hurting his son.

Answer 3

he's a tool. You're right. If you dont have full custody already you will definitely get it based on his behaviour. Make sure you keep a diary of all interaction with him. Good move is to never answer the phone and let the voice mail get it. make recordings of all messages he leaves. he cant claim later he didnt know he was being taped. That way you can build up a picture of his behaviour you can present to the court as evidence. Maybe he wants to avoid you but in the process he is neglecting his son. The court will take a very dim view of that. The burden of proof is on you though to prove it is actually happening. It sounds kind of creepy I know but you need to gather evidence.  

Answer 4

Hes afraid,he knows hes a jerk and cant look at you without feeling guilt,I feel for his son,his dad cant sleep in the bed he has made for himself,what a coward.I know a guy just like him,my dad did that,I don't know why some men do that,I needed him as a kid growing up,he was so close but never came,I haven't talked to him in twenty years and you know what,looking back I feel as if I am a better person for it,I knew at an early age exactly how I wasn't going to be,still, I do hope he changes and comes around for his son,you have to put away your pride for the kids,scared or not he should make an effort,unfortunately though,for some sons that never comes lets hope that's not the case here

Answer 5

You might be surprised how many men will become dead beats and will even leave the state so they won't be forced to pay child support.  I have met so many female friends whose ex's left and hid so they didn't have to pay.

Answer 6

Hi, I would say it is not a normal thing although he must be related to mine!!! He did the same thing and I found out later that it was because I wanted the divorce and he didn't so he used to do this to get back at me. Unfortunately he only hurt his kids. Your ex will live to regret the time lost but if I were you I would talk to your son and make sure he is fully aware that it is not you keeping him from his dad, as kids do have a tendency to blame the one closest to them for some reason. Just be there for your son and as he grows up he will see the real picture. Good Luck to you Both.

Answer 7

First off I would like to say I'm sorry for your problem. As I'm a divorced father I can honestly say that this is normal for some dads who are confused and still in shock over the whole ordeal. I was not his way I put my kids first and dealt with my ex in a whole different way. I was there on time to pick them up and when she denied me time I filed a complaint letter. Your ex will come around he is just being a child in himself. You as his mother should support a realtionship between your son and his father. It will make your son a better child and it will show him that you care about him and you will benefit in the long run. It did for me, my children come to me for more advise and talk time then they do with their mother. It will make you the number one parent in the long run. Good luck. If you need to talk more please free to contact me at [e-mail].

Answer 8

Be careful. I asked mine to visit the children, and he took out a restraining order to stop me contacting him. I now wish that I had been grateful that he left us alone.

Answer 9

Definitely get the support thru the courts.  That's a must, & he at least can do that much to say the least.   I'm sorry he doesn't even care enuf to go see him, that's ashame.  Hopefully one day you'll meet someone decent who w/love & respect you enuf to care about him too.  He certainly does deserve that...All the best to you...:)

Answer 10

He's angry he'll get over it if he gets his act together... I hope

Answer 11

It doesn't matter if this is normal or whatever.

YOUR SON WILL SUFFER WITHOUT HIS DAD!!!!!  You need to do EVERYTHING YOU CAN to keep your ex in the picture.  There's plenty of evidence that kids need both parents constantly and consistently in their lives for them to grow up emotionally healthy!

Do whatever you can to get your ex to keep in touch DAILY with his son!!