Divorcing needing advice on moving on?

Question

have 3 boys with my ex, and I still have feelings for her, she was really awful to me, she would drink wine and get mad about something like doing the laundry wrong, or using her sink instead of mine, I tried hard to make her happy and it was never enough, I think about my boys and them being in this broken home, I was lucky enough to have parents that are together and happy. This is what I want so bad, I keep thinking that I can make it happen to keep the family together. But she does not want it, she wants to date again and get out there. I want to break the spell and truly find someone that can make me happy, any suggestions?

Answer 1

Wow, your wife sounds like my husband.  I've been separated for almost 3 years hoping he will change.  It's only gotten worse.  If you live in New Jersey, we should have dinner :)

My husband is/was bipolar and still treats me terribly.  My father died when I was 4 and my  mother never remarried or even dated.  I was hoping my kids would have a real, nuclear family.

I have 3 boys too.  I guess the only advise I can give you is to keep an open mind about meeting people.  Good luck.

Answer 2

I don't answer very many of these, but sweetie, you sound sooo lost.

I hope this helps.

No, sweetie, you don't love this woman any longer--- and maybe you never did... you might have had LUST for her... but love, ????.... you love what she ONCE was or what you ONCE THOUGHT she was or the IMAGE of what a nice lady she WAS, but uuuuhhhh no, not for a long time, unless you're big into self abuse, no, you don't love her.

  You and she have a common history, and children together, but love???   nope.  This isn't what love is.

And did you have a true marriage????????

I don't think so... If marriage is Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust, too many of these she never felt for you, if I am reading anything at all in this post and hon, marriage isn't a one way street!!!  

When one loves another, not only are those four biggies there, but lots of lovies, and  kindnesses, and doing nice things for the other, and yup, sometimes the best any of us can do is just shut the h**l up.

And if it is any comfort to you, women with kids in the dating arena are carrying baggage... Your ex will be used and abused, and a booty call.  Seriously wonderful men with all sorts  of things to offer don't date women with kids, (they don't have to) and they don't marry them either.  (30% of white kids grow up with just mom ---- 62% of black ones do....) About all she'll find out there are hill billy biker guys. (unless she already had someone and betrayed you, and that is another issue...)

And as for you, try the web for your next lady.  There are dating sites for just about everything ... Yahoo Personals, Match.com are the two biggest ones.  And yes, you'll find a nut case or two just like those sitting next to you in church.

The trick?   If you're too heavy, drop the weight, if you need some great casual clothing, get some help, and for sure, if you don't have that killer smile, get it at the best cosmetic dentist in your area.... beautiful teeth, hon, radiate health, and healthy is s**y.  

Write if you need more.

Answer 3

I now someone in your same position. The wife gets drunk and starts saying mean things with her mouth and stuff like that. She does it in  front of people too making him feel embarrassed, but he won't let go.

You are doing the right thing on letting go because it will just get worst with time and you're life will be miserable! good luckhttp://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

Brother was I ever in your shoes..I've got the ticket....Don't put your self worth on the line just b/c someone (this person) can't get along w/ you...and that just b/c your marriage is/has/will be breaking up that it's the end of the world...because it isn't....

My advice..is to contrac the legal system IMMEDIATELY..and let HER know that YOU are the FATHER and that you can't be talked to the way she takes to you....it will be so liberating for you to talk to a lawyer...he can be your BEST friend...they do see alot and can offer advice...remember YOU have rights...to your kids...you can actually start over w/ them and can have a great life away from negative influences (i.e. her) trust me on this...I was in the SAME boat...I've got two kids...a girl and a boy...

remember...the relationship is going south...but YOU don't have to go along w/it...you can get your dignity back...take care and good luck.

Answer 5

Amigo,

Decades back the common answer was to stay together for "the sake of the children". That proved actually to have the exact opposite effect. children, even as young a 2 can detect tension between parents, even when there is no yelling or outward signs.

Kids are much better off having both of you get on with your lives and make the best of it. I know it's hard, believe me I went through it myself. You will get on with your life, it will be better and your kids will be better for it.

Hang in there, take one day at a time and just don't rush things.  

Answer 6

Hi,

It sounds like she is already out of the relationship.  My parents are the same way (I am 23).  My dad is okay until he starts drinking, and then he gets nasty over stupid stuff with my mom.  Example:  This morning, her tire was ready to blow out.  He noticed it, and was pissed off at her for it.  Why? He has feelings that he is embedding inside and they come out when he drinks (on a daily basis).  My mom has been saying that the only reason she is around is for the kids.  (I have 2 sisters that are 14).  But the truth of the matter is, we would be better off if they were separated.  All of the stupidity with my fathers drinking and the stress with my moms complaining and being nasty with us isnt worth it.  It really isnt.  The ultimate bearers of this burden has fallen on us children.  All we can say is What did we do?  and Why are we here?  I truly feel that I am a punching bag with both my father and mother in my house.  I try to shield my sisters as much as I can.   Their frustration always ends up on our shoulders (as i am sure themeselves as well), but, dealing wtih it on aday to day basis is not worth living in the same house with them.  

If your concerned about your children, please don't do what my parents do to us.  I am afraid that my sisters will interperate their relationship as normal and allow the constant badgering in their own relationships.  

You should get out there and date, you never know who you will run into.  I wish i could say more on this end, however, i havent experienced what you are going through.  But i can relate to your children.  I truly hope this helps, and i hope the best for you and your family.