Do Anti-adoption people feel that in abuse cases the kids should stay with the natural parents?

Question

In reading anti-adoption sites, I get the feeling that most anti-adoption people feel that kids are better off abused than to be in a loving enviroment. They want the natural parents to take care of their kids, even if it means that the abuse is ongoing.

Answer 1

Well, look at it this way, I was taken from a loving mother and adopted INTO an abusive home. I had to be taken away again.

Now, I forgive the dude, there are many reasons why people abuse and often they are not evil. In abuse cases there are often several stresses that cause it such as financial struggle, emotional stress and inexperience.

I think if support is out there, to reduce financial and emotional stress on new parents and education for new parents then they should be given the chance to improve. However if the abuse is ongoing then definately, even though adoption isnt ideal abuse is very traumatising.

Answer 2

Nope, not at all. I've not met a single anti-adoptionist who would advocate leaving children in abusive homes.

Everyone recognizes that there will always be a need for some children to be raised by people who are not the biological parents. What most anti-adoptionists would suggest in those cases is legal guardianship, rather than adoption.

Answer 3

Kids better off being abused than adopted. ???  Who said that?

No way.

I've never heard anyone "anti-adoption" or otherwise say anything like this.  Can you please list a source where someone has actually said that children should be left in abusive homes?  I don't think I've ever read that before.

Of course a child should be removed from an abusive situation.  Immediately.

But I don't necessarily think they should be adopted out to strangers.  I think that the first step would be to try to find family members (who are not abusive) to take in the child. If that is not possible, then foster care and then if all else fails adoption.

Adoption should be and usually is the last resort in cases of abuse.

Answer 4

No, children should never stay with abusive parents, unfortunately sometimes that means they shouldn't stay with adoptive parents who abuse their children at a higher per capita rate than bio-parents, and yes even sometimes kill them.

I am glad this didn't happen to you and that you had a fine home, as most adoptive parents are stable and secure, it is just being an adoptive parent is not a guarantee of that.  There are even famous cases of adoptees being adopted for the explicit purpose of being abused.  Tragic but true.

Noodles:  I am seriously concerned about you,  you seem to be very afraid for your well-being, and have a fear around, n***s ( I can only assume since you repeat this so often it is not just a matter of the tired and trite insult, but that you really fear them). Terrorists, and yes terrorism is a threat we all live with, AND stalkers.  I really suggest you get some help from your local law enforcement agency if this is really happening to you, NO ONE should live under such fear, if they decide the threat is not real, a good psych. doctor may be able to help, there are drugs that can help manage even the most major mental illnesses now.

Either way, God speed and God Bless.

Answer 5

No, I think they are advocating better screening for the families that children go to and better monitoring afterwards.

Answer 6

NO!  how on earth would you get the idea that anyone who cares about children would condone their abuse

BTW there are plenty of abusive adoptive homes too

I'm a tad worried for the safety of noodles kids right now - that's one frightening temper right there

Answer 7

Who in their right mind anti adoption or not would think it was ok to leave a child in an abusive home? Jess DeBalzo does not advocate that,, you have to be misreading her site. She is a staunch adoption reform advocate. Natural Parents are less prone to abuse than adoptive parents. Yeah fact so girlie girl don't your undies in a knot. 80% of adopted children are abused, they make up about 2% of the population here in the states. Scary thought isn't it? But it is a true statistic, google it you will see. Or you can go to Origins-USA and read there. You might be surprised at what you read and find.

Answer 8

honestly, i don't think anyone believes that abused children should stay in a bad situation, biological, fostered or adopted.  

i think most of the anti-adoption sentiment is that most babies adopted are not from abusive, drug-addicted mothers, yet healthy young women who are experiencing a temporary hardship.  most babies born to addicted mothers end up in foster care, not in the domestic adoption pipeline.

i think it's the propaganda associated with the "give the baby a better life" claim.  which really means that someone with more resources is a better parent.  that, is a logical fallacy.

a baby doesn't need an orbit stroller, private nanny or classes  at gymboree to be properly cared for.

when i was pregnant with my son, i was told by an adoption social worker that if i parented, the stress of not being married and young would cause me to be abusive.  even at 17, i knew it was b.s.  

especially when in one breath i was told how "selfless" i was to consider placing; and the next breath told that "the paper i signed was binding" and that i would be reported to the department of social services because i was unemployed (i was in college) and had no verifiable income to take care of my baby.  in other words, i would have been "deemed" abusive and neglectful and my baby possibly taken.  btw, the paper in question, was a authorization to release my prenatal test results...

fortunately, i had parents who realized the hype and quickly changed their minds about suggesting i go through with the adoption plan, confronted the social worker and helped me until i finished college.

i think that's the issue.  we're (society) suggesting that ALL young, unmarried and poor women will be bad parents. hence, should place their babies. not just those who are abusive.

only a very few (wonderful) people adopt abused children. most, will not consider it.

Answer 9

This is proof, that anti-adoption, anti-abortion, anti-g*y, anti-religion, are built on a group of people's negative feelings about that particular subject.

Most adoptees, have lived a happy, loving,joyful life.  Some, (which by your nickname, I feel, belongs to you)  have sadly been adopted by people who did not love in their hearts and compassion in their minds.   My children (five adopted from birth) are happy, successful, wonderful adults now. My grandchildren are the same.  A Mother and Father must treat an adopted child, the same as, one they have given birth to (if that is the case).  If the adopted child is an only child, then he/she has to know  that he has the uncondition love of his/her parents.   I have mentioned this before on this site.

You can make a difference by what you say.  "This is my adopted child and this is my "own",  is a terrifically negative statement.

"This is my child" is a loving statement.  This example is only one of many that I have heard adoptive parents say and it used to make me cringe.

I feel, for this question, I can only give my opinion as an adoptive mother.  The percentage of "abusive" adoptive parents, I am sure,is  a much, much less  percentage. Any child, would have a much better chance in life to be away from an abusive family environment.  Abuse, to a child in any form,  stays with that child through their whole life, and sometimes they never forget and are never emotionally happy.

These anti-abortion people, who state that a child should be left in an abusive relationship, rather than give it up for adoption, is, in my mind, being abusive in their beliefs.

There is more of a chance of a child being adopted into a loving, caring home, than in the abusive home,  If it were me, I would give a child those odds, rather than scarring them for the rest of their lives.

Answer 10

Wow.  I didn't even know there were anti-adoption people.

My mother was a horrible person and I'd have given anything to have been "given up" instead of suffering years of abuse.

Natural parents aren't always a good choice.  No, no they aren't.

Answer 11

Of course not.  What a ridiculous question!

Answer 12

I'm not 'anti-adoption' in all cases.

No one should live with abuse.

However, not all adoptive homes are loving--not by a long shot.

And, as in any heathy relationship--love is not enough.

Answer 13

This is silly.  I don't know of anyone who would rather a child stay in an abusive home.

Answer 14

The anti adoption movement is more based in infant adoption.  Foster care adoption, most of us agree that it is a good thing if done right.  

Natural mothers in infant adoption think about the future of their children.  Our society doesn't realize is that they have thought this through.  Most natural parents would have been good parents.  In fact, many of them are with their subsequent children.  In foster care adoption, it is based on child abuse/neglect.  Two very very different forms of adoption.  I am fully behind those who want to adopt from foster care.  Infant adoption is filled with corruption, greed, coercion, and lying. Both natural and adoptive parents need to very aware of all of this.

Answer 15

This is a common knee-jerk reaction to people who do not support adoption in its present form.  None of those people are against loving, emotionally healthy, and permanent ("forever") care for children who need it.  

I don't support child abuse in ANY situation, and neither do the people on "anti-adoption" sites.  

What I DO have a problem with is the automatic assumption that an adoptive home is automatically "loving."  Read the papers.  It is hard to find articles that use the phrase "adoptive home" without the adjective "loving" in front of it.  This is a dangerous assumption, and contributes to the idea that anyone who adopts is automatically "loving."  It is simply not true.

Edit............

Noodles, my dear, you need to brush up on your reading skills.  Re-read my post.  You might also want to consider some therapy to get your anger under control.   Have you ever heard of Mindfulness with Lovingkindness & Compassion?  I highly recommend it.

http://www.vipassana.com/meditation/mind...

Answer 16

OMG I just read the link Dashelamet posted and that is disturbing. It has been my experience for the past year and a half that in some situations the biological parents choose themselves over their children, refusing to participate in rehab. Just because a person has the capability to breed doesn't mean they are "fit parents". Just because a person can not bare children doesn't mean they are unfit to be a parent or that they should have sought to protect their fertility when they were young, some situations can not be cured.

     Just as it is known that not all dads are fathers, not all biological parents are parents. One thing that A.L.L fails to state is that in most cases when a child is placed in foster care by CPS their primary goal is family reunification, unfortunately the parents don't always choose the right path and often place the blame elsewhere when they need only look into the mirror.

      If anyone thinks adoption is easy, they are sadly mistaken especially in cases where CPS is involved. Rule of thumb, place your children (biological or adopted regardless you are now their parent) first, love them as you could love none other and teach them to be great men or woman, the world needs more of those.

Reposted link in case someone needs it.

Answer 17

I've been to many anti-adoption sites being that I don't believe in adoption, and  I have never seen something like that before. That would be absurd, and...people who advocate for a cleaner, ethical, "adoptee centric" approach to adoption, certainly wouldn't advocate for leaving any child in any type of abusive sitation.

Adoptee rights advocates / anti-adoption advocates are arguing and adovcating for ethical approaches to children and the families they are raised by.

Answer 18

I did not know this group even existed but they sound crazy to me!  In my own family my husband and sister in law are adopted (in their 40's now) and we are anxiously waiting for a little girl (6 years old) soon!  My Aunt & Uncle just adopted a little girl from Tanzania and we are all so happy she is in our life!  What a joy children are!  I think if a person does not appreciate and care for their children they should not be allowed to keep them!    ---PEACE

Answer 19

I know what you mean! i wondered that my self too. I guess they think that they should give them up for adoption, but the thing that most ppl don't get is that not every one can give up a child up for adoption. And that their family member may judge them if they do give them up, or the family may look the other way when they need emotional support after wards.

Its makes me mad that these ppl are so judgmental! I mean every one is different, every ones circumstances are different, and they think adaption is a one size fits all... well its not.. just like abortion is not one size fits all.

I am pro choice, I think that as a person you can only do so  much, and when you can't deal with a pregnancy (for whatever reason) and choose to terminate it doesn;t make you a bad person. There are times women find them self's in  unfavorable situation, and should be able to look at ALL of their choices with out being judge by any one!

Answer 20

I believe that abuse is not always the case for adoption or for people tp be against it. One reaason tht they could be against it is that if the person is man/woman to lay down and make the child should be able to raise the child. They knew the chances of what would happen with unprotected s*x so they should be able the results. Sometimes children even abused behind closed doors by the adoptive parents. So it doesn't matter who they are with just as long they are with parents or a family that will love them no matter their flaws.

Answer 21

Had I not read your question, I never would have known that there are people who are against adoption. I actually thought you meant to say anti-abortion.

After checking out some of their web sites, I get the impression that they don't look at the consequences of their stand, they just have an opinion about what isn't right--but they offer no ways to fix it (like some other groups).

So, to answer your question, I'd say that they choose not to think about the children who are abused by their birth parents--it spoils their theories.

Here's a site that addresses your question:

http://www.antiadoption.org/faq.html

Basically, they are saying that we should work with the natural parents to reform them of their bad ways. So to answer your question, yes, these kids should be left with their abusive birth parents, and the parents should get counseling.

Answer 22

Which sites are you reading? I just googled anti-adoption and found a couple of sites, but I couldn’t find where people are saying that children should be kept in abusive situations. (I noticed you’re a new member, so just fyi you can edit your question and add links to these references, please.) Thanks.

Noodles – You sound very violent right now, calling people n***s??? Um, not nice. And, you should re-read Julie R’s posting again. I think you owe her an apology.