Do I bring my stress on myself?

Question

Okay, I am only 14 years old, and i know that where I live a lot of family's have troubles financially and uhm, emotionaly i guess is the word. First of all I have no FATHER. My mom and my step dad split up, he was the only father figure i had, he's the Father of my 2 brothers[10,6] and 1 sister[9]. My Step dad is still there for me thats one good thing. I can talk to him about anything and he always tells me what's right no matter if it favors my likings or not. but there is one thing that i don't believe he is right about, that i bring my stress on my self. well this is the story. I've always lived with my grandparents, and my mom. My grandparents, who have always been the bread winners in the family recently moved out with my great grandma cause she's nearing that age, you know. So now my mom is finally working and I take care of 3 kids. All day from 8 in the morning to 5 or 5:30 in the Afternoon. My mom comes home from work with a new excuse to lay in her bed and do nothing. and my brothers and sister show me NO RESPET, and acnowlage nothing that i do for them. Any time my dad gives me money i spen most of it on them. I keep house and take care of kids, and try to find time for my self, every other weekend i might get to go to my friends house. and its only one friend, but i hate doing that because i dread coming home. Because i know when i come home there will be a mess and Dishes and just ugh! i dont sleep cause the kids dont sleep, and if i sleep before them, they'll be up and into everything they see. My mom complains "im tired of hearing yall be quiet" or "Get out of my room" or "im on the phone, Shut up" she tells me not to stay on the phone late, but durring the day shes always on the phone with people i feel like she's more like a teenager than me. My dad told me that i bring the stress on my self because when he comes over and my mom tries to talk to me i have an attitude, and thats why me and my mom dont get along. but he doesn't understand that shes not easy to talk to. and everytime i try to talk to her, we end up getting into a fight, she hates being wrong, and she cant hadle the truth, she gets mad when i tell her i dont feel i should be watching the kids. and we get into a fist fight. I haven't seen my mom touch a dirty dish in almost a year . and i was surprised to see her clean the restroom the other day . but then she only did a half @$% job. so i went behind her i finished it right. Sometimes i would rather be gone than be here and its more the kids, because i dont mind cleaning cause i hate a mess. but the kids dont support me they're always agains me and i understand that they are my brothers and sisters so they're going to want to annoy me, but they see how much i sit in my room and cry to myself and they tell me that they know i do alot but then the next day they're right back to making it harder on me.[[of course this isn't everthing, there are so many more details but this is the basics]] Is it normal for a 14 yr. old to be taking on this much resposibility or do i bring this on myself like my dad said?

Answer 1

OMG! you take on way to much! you should be out having fun at the mall, getting smoothies, etc... You shouldn't have to do everything! I was the same way with my mom and yes, you did take on the parent role in the family. your mother is on her own and feels that is all she needs to do. she is the child. my mom did the same thing, i would pay bills, write checks, get groceries, clean the house, clean up her puke when she came home drunk. I suggest getting a job as soon as possible, so you can be out of the house alot, and when you do come home, you just crash and not worry about anyone else. i understand you have younger siblings, but that is YOUR MOMS responsiblity, not yours. yes you could help, but not parent them.

if you can, go back to your grandmothers. she can use SOME help, but it allows you to rest.  

Answer 2

no i dont beleive you bring the stress upon yourself i think you have to much responsibility thoe. its understandable that you would have and attitude towards your mom seems like your more of the mom in the household but next try not to take a attitude with your mom because all that is really doin is causin static. thats good thoe that you look after your younger siblings but they need to help you out to. i come from a similar backround to you but i dont do know cleanin thoe but i should cause mi casa is a

Answer 3

By taking all this on, you are actually allowing your mom to become more lazy and dependent on you.  At 14 you should not be the parent.  It's not good for you, it's not good for your relationship with your siblings and if there is anyway you can get out of this situation, do it sooner rather than later.  None of them appreciate it (but in defense of your siblings, they get their behavior from your mother, so there's no surprise here), so figure out if you could move out somewhere else and start taking care of yourself.

Answer 4

There is no way a 14 year old girl should be expected to take on the responsibility for three siblings all day long... that is criminal and your mother is not thinking straight.

You should not be responsibile for all of the housework either.

Hon, you can't expect your little brothers and sisters to "appreciate" what you do...they are young and so they expect things to be done for them, without a second thought.  That is just how kids are... they do not realize how tired and stressed out you are.

I wouldn't do this to my daughter... you should not be babysitting and doing housework all day long.  It's ok to help your mom but your brothers and sister are HER responsibility, not yours.  she needs to find a babysitter for them, and do her own housework.

i'm sorry you're having such a hard time.  it would be nice if you could all live with your step-father.  i just hope things work out and that you get some good and helpful answers here.

Answer 5

Wow, you are only 14 and taking on all that responsibility.  No way should you be doing all you are doing.  What ever you are feeling, it's not your fault.  The stress you have is not your fault.  An adult couldn't do what you are doing without being stress out.

What do those people expect of you?  Your brothers and sister are old enough to help you around the house and your mother can't be any more tired than you.

My little grandchildren are 6, 5 and 3 and they have their choirs to do every day.  Plus there is a rule, if you get it out, put it up, if you eat out of it or drink out of it, carry it to sink.  Your brothers and sister are far older than these children.  Children have to learn responsibility or they will be re-responsibility all their lives.  

You might not be old enough to spank them, but you are old enough to take the TV controller and hide it until they help you and all the work is done.

Good luck!

Answer 6

oh you poor child!

Your such a good kid!

Dont worry aobut  things. Dont put stress on your self. Go and talk to your step dad  bout how you feel. And get a hug.

Heres a fake one *hugs* honey relax