Do I dislike her because she's Black or just her nature?

Question

Okay, this isn't going to sound pretty but I haven't found a discussion thread anywhere, so I'm just going to ask. I'm Philipino. I grew-up in diverse areas and never had a probl w/ black ppl before. I work w/ an African-American woman. I find out that she's super stingy (I'm pretty sure that she grew up in the projects), doesn't treat her daughter nicely nor her parents. She tells me that she'll hide gourmet food that clients give us when she goes home from her daugher b/c she can't make herself share. She talks about her daughter like she's a burden (she's 7 yrs!!). She told me that her husband and her keep separate bank accounts. She keeps all of her money in separate account and doesn't pool it together with her husband. I told her that it doesn't sound fair. She said all of her girlfriends do that too and some even lie to their hubbies & they're all black. Is this a black cultural thing? Or is it her personal issue thing? I don't want 2 b judgmental, help!

Answer 1

No, don't feel that way because I strongly believe you are a caring person by just reading your question and explanation.  I bet you don't approve of her actions nor her comments and that my dear is what you don't like and it has nothing to do with race, culture, gender or age.  The only thing I would suggest is not to prompt her for any information.  No This is not a black thing this is just a behavior thing based on their experiences.  Hope this helps.

Answer 2

My sister in law is white and she keeps money hidden from her husband, "in case she and the kids should have to leave".

Her husband is good to her and I think she was mistreated and didn't feel secure as a child.

Maybe this is the case with your co-worker as well.

I feel sorry for her daughter.

Answer 3

It doesn't sound like race is the real issue, since you said you grew up in a diverse area and never had a problem with black people before. So you probably answered your own question! lol. I don't really know enough about black culture to know if her kind of behavior is common or not, but I don't think you have a problem with being judgmental. And the fact that you're worried about being judgmental implies that you probably aren't.

Answer 4

No it's not a black cultural thing she is just a strange woman with weird habits along with her friends who supposedly do the same things.  And I hope you don't think she grew up in the projects because she's stingy wtf. I know all types of stingy people has nothing to do with where they grew up.

Answer 5

No, that's just a personal thing...and as for her friends being like that, well, what normal, non-stingy person would want to be friends with her?  It's definitely not a cultural thing, though...

Answer 6

I don't think hiding gourmet food from her daughter is a nice thing to do.  My family tries to share everything special, no matter how much of it there is!  And I've know black women who are very loving and generous with not only their families, but with everyone.  I think this is just a selfish woman and it has nothing to do with her race.

Answer 7

MIND YOUR BUSINESS =)

Answer 8

About the separate bank accounts.. no that's nothing to do with being black..  My husband has his bank account and I have mine.. He always told me people should have separate bank accounts. because otherwise one can draw a cheque and the other does and the partner doesn't know so your account can get in a mess..  That she hides some tiny bits of food for herself I don't see as a crime.. her children should however not be a burden on her.. Did you meet her parents to know she doesn't treat them nicely.. Do you know her husband to know he treats her with respect and would give her money if she had a shared bank account.. you have to know for certain before you pass a judgment about how the other side of the coin looks like.. what the parents and the husband are like.. and she may or may not be a good mother. maybe she tries her best and gets no support from her husband and she works, she has to take care of her child and she has to cook and clean and perhaps her husband doesn't lift a finger to ever help her?  I hope it' a personal issue that you don't like her for her attitude at work.. you definitely should not dislike her for the colour of her skin because that would be discrimination against a race.. and not all black people are the same.. there are good and bad same as Phillipino.. I am sure there are great people from the Philippines and not so great ones so never condemn a whole race just because you find one rotten apple in  a bunch  of apples which are alright.. never judge by culture or skin colour only by personality. and character. and even then.. make sure you know all the facts before you condemn a person.. xxdx