Do I go back to an abusive bf or stay with parents in a cramped situation?

Question

I recently moved back home after being out of state for about 2 months. I had moved with my boyfriend after he got a job, but he lost that job within the month of us moving in. The boyfriend was emotionally and physically abusive on various occasions and I really felt that I had to leave for my sanity to stay intact. Now that I'm back home, however, I feel that I'm a nuisance. There really is no space for me or my things. I sleep on the sofa and I can tell my parents are bothered by my presence when they come home. I just moved back here 5 days ago and I'm looking for employment but unfortunately everything looks so glum and everyone is paying close to nothing in my field plus apartments in this area of the country are crazy expensive. I don't know what to do. Should I go back to live with the boyfriend? He's not a bad person but I was miserable there and I don't want to be with him anymore ... Or should I stay here with my family and continue to be the loser child who just won't go away?

Answer 1

Never ever go back to him! He doesn't care about you if he abused you like that. We flat here in New Zealand I'm not sure if you do that wherever you are from but it's cheaper than an apartment. You could go to a womans refuge and tell them you were abused and they could help you/ Or if you can get a benefit or allowance where you are it would be a good idea. Ask friends or even church groups for help.

Answer 2

There are agencies that help people find apartments and they help with the rent.  You need a job though.  

As for your parents being annoyed with you, you might be annoying them in other ways.  When my daughter moved home after leaving her boyfriend she had a lot of stuff. It was all over the living room and she slept on the couch.  I made her put all her things in order and away.  She was not allowed to leave bedding or clothing sitting out.  After we squared that away she started helping with housework and errands more and we got along fine.  After a few months she was back on her feet in her own apt.

Ask your parents what they need from you.  They just want what's best for you.

Answer 3

There are other alternatives. You could offer to be a house-sitter for people when they go away, in particular people with expensive homes will probably appreciate someone trustworthy looking after their property. Or you could find a job that's live-in.

Just because your relationship didn't work out doesn't mean you're a loser. I think you're very lucky that you got away from that man, and that you had the good sense to realise that he wasn't going to change. Don't go back to him. Look for other alternatives. I'm sure your parents would prefer you to be taking up their front room instead of being used as a punching bag by some man who can't deal with his emotions.  

Answer 4

DON'T go back to him

as if your parents feel you are being a nuisance they probably enjoy your company you just don't realize it and if you feel as though you are in the way talk to them about it!

Answer 5

Better to be a loser child like you call yourself than a beaten one. Seriously move back home until you can afford to get your own place.  Your parents are there to help you and you will get on your feet soon.  

Answer 6

A cramped situation is a helluva lot better than an abusive situation.  The situation with your parents is only temporary, you stay yoru azz there and leave the loser alone.   God Bless.

Answer 7

First find a job.Or join a course related to your field or just any other course like communications development,yoga,salsa etc,which boosts your self esteem.Don't be at home all the time,it will increases your depression more.Go outside and meet people.Once you make friends with new people,you become relaxed and you can take proper decisions in your life.

Answer 8

You've heard the saying - Blood is thicker than water. Things might be awkward at your parents' home but they love you even though they might not show it in the way you would like. I'm going through a similar situation right now and I speak from experience. NEVER go back to a man who's abusive. There are plenty of fish in the sea and your stay there is only temporary.Pray to God and ask Him to find you a place to stay that you can afford and for a good job. He said "ask and you shall receive". God bless you.

Answer 9

u should go away from them, that is miserable life. Learn how to be an independent.

Answer 10

Its better the stay with your family and be the 'looser child who just wont go away' than to go back and live with an emotionally and physically abuse boyfriend and end up being badly hurt or dead. Im sure your parents love you and want whats best and you wont be there for ever so do your best to try to get a job (anything, even a job at mcdonalds). Have you got any friends you could share an apartment with to save money? Where did you live before you moved in with the bf?

Answer 11

Do not go back to an abusive boyfriend. Abuse escalates over time. Just do your best to contribute where you are when you can. If you cant help financially then help out by cooking, cleaning and making things easier for others. It will make you feel better about staying there while you are looking for a job. Once you get one start saving money to move out on your own.

Answer 12

I work as a correctional Officer in a male facility.  DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM!

Honestly,  Once they are abusive they always are.  They do not respect women as being equals.  As  a female working in a correctional environment i experience this on a daily basis.  When I have an issue with an inmate who doesn't listen to me, 9 out of 10 times he has a domestic violence charge.  

Do not put yourself back into that situation.  

Answer 13

if ur miserable in both situations u better be safe at home doing it. besides if u go back to ur x boyfriend you'll look like an even big loser. to help ur problem I'll pray 4 u every day. good luck.  

Answer 14

your not a loser just because your at home.I'm sleeping on the couch so my daughter and her baby can have a place to sleep that's called love and your parents love you to. just try and find a job I'm sure everything can work out just believe in your self and stay away from that bf he has no future being the way he is. talk to your parents and air out your feelings I'm sure everything is kool

Answer 15

Stay where you are - going back into a bad relationship, especially when your health is at risk, shouldn't be an option.

Your family should love and support you no matter what.

What field are you in? It might be hard to get a job to begin with, and don't expect the job to be immediately high paying, but you need to start somewhere and work your way up. You could also consider working in something which you don't need to have studied, such as a job in retail or such.

Also, have you considered sharing an apartment with someone else? There are always heaps of ads, you can find them in the newspaper or posters on traffic lights, that ask for a flatmate. That would greatly reduce the amount of rent you would have to pay.

Good luck.

Answer 16

You have another option. Look into seeking some professional assistance at your local domestic violence shelter. There, they will have room for you and help you with job assistance and support groups that will allow you to see that you should not be considering going back to your abuser. You are worth so much more than that! Believe me, your parents would rather you sleep on their couch forever before returning to someone who physically and mentally harms you. I am a  former domestic violence counselor and my child recently had to come home due to a similar situation. She can stay here forever with her children and it's ok with me! I'm hoping she increases her self esteem and begins to love herself more while she's here. You should work on the same while you are at your parents house. If you feel like a burden to them, do nice things in the home for them. Cook, clean, etc. to pull your share of the weight. They will appreciate it. Look up your local domestic violence agency by calling the national hot line at 800 799 SAFE to see what programs they have to offer.

Answer 17

You should talk to your parents- DONT MOVE BACK IN WITH YOUR ABUSIVE BF. You shouldnt be with anyone who is abusive.

College is about to start- plenty of people are looking for roommates.  Try looking for one, even if you have to move away- maybe a fresh start would help!

Answer 18

I would have to say that staying with your parents would be the no brainer. You may feel like a bit of a nuisance, but I can guarantee that your loving parents would much rather have you within their cramped safe little house, than living with a psycho who is capable of hurting you.  Stick with your parents and show appreciation by helping when you can or talking things over with them.