Do I have a Daddy?

Question

To all who've posed this question to their adoptive parents (or wanted to but was afraid to ask) or to those who have answered this question...

My three year old son asked me again, "Do I have a Daddy?". Once again, I told him that everyone has a {and this time I used the term natural} natural mother and father. You have an Uncle and a Papa (Grandfather)... but not a Daddy. We don't know your natural mother or father. Maybe one day we'll meet them and/or maybe you'll have a Daddy only time will tell. All families are different.

Then (and this is when I thought- WOW, this boy really listens!) he said what about my first.... first...? I know he was remembering about one time I told him about his first mother, the mother who's tummy he was in... and then told him about his second mother who was his foster mother and then me, his Mommy.

continued...

Answer 1

Kristy,

    Your doing just what you need to....being honest and answering his questions. Let him know he can ALWAYS ask you anything about his first family. My dd now seven started off with the same questions. We have always remained open and honest in an age appropriate manner.

Answer 2

te only thing that matters right now is that you Told him h**l understand when hes older just keep telling him hes adopted

Answer 3

I think you should tell him the truth so when he is older he won't hate you when he finds out. My parents had a divorce when I was 2 and my mom didn't talk about it. Now she tells me when I was 9 and I'm 11 now and I hate her. Tell him or her when you think he is ready. If you tell him now he would probaly forget it, but at least you can tell him you told him already. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

I don't suppose you've ever thought about finding out everything you can about his "daddy", so that you'll have an actual answer for him, have you?  

Instead of "I don't know' you could say "I care enough about you to find out all I can.  Here's what I know so far...."

Honesty and a little effort go a long way;.

Answer 5

The best advice our therapist gave us was to never lie, to always answer their questions as honestly as possible for their age and ability to understand. Only answer the questions they ask, because those are the ones they are ready to hear.  When my daughter was about 5, out of the blue, she asked, "If I had a different mommy when I was little, then who was my daddy when I was little?"  (she had never met him.)  We brought out the few snapshots we had of him, and told her his name, and answered any questions she asked as honestly and lovingly as we could.  We have NEVER put her first parents down, because it only hurts the adoptee.  We talk more in terms of how they "made some bad choices,"  or "they had a hard life, and didn't have anyone to help them be safe parents."   That kind of thing.

Answer 6

I would get a dvd or books about adoption and read them - they are usually geared toward the proper age and explain it in easier to understand words.

There are a lot out there - here are a few.

"The Golden Egg"

"Max and the adoption day"

"Max's adoption"

These might be for more a 5 year old, but I'm sure you can find some that will work for you.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I think you're doing the right thing by letting him know early that way he doesn't grow up to later resent you for not telling him.  He'll appreciate you more.  You're doing a good job by talking to him in language that he understands.