Ever since I was really little I've always been socially withdrawn. In kindergarten I always hung around by myself, and whenever I've been in school I've always ever only had one friend, or two at most (but even that was rare). Even when I had close friends, I preferred to be by myself, and I've always been incredibly shy around everyone that isn't in my very immediate family. In public, I rarely speak, even though at home I'm loud and fairly obnoxious.
This shyness isn't something that developed; I've had it as long as I can remember. And I've always had an incredibly overactive imagination, and I live in my own fantasy worlds. I'm very talented when it comes to creative things, especially art and writing, but I'm absolutely terrible at things like math. In year 9 I was doing grade 5 math, because I just couldn't grasp math at the same level as the other students. I quit high school because I couldn't deal with being around so many people, and I would be exactly the same in a job, if not worse (I've never been able to get a job because potential employers think I'm too shy). Other people intimidate me and basically scare the c**p out of me. I hate society, and I hate having to interact with other people. The internet is fine because I don't have to talk to people face to face.
I can't hold conversations with people, either. I just find it too difficult to do; I always have. I've always felt that something wasn't quite "right" with me. I've always felt like an odd one out in everything, and even my thinking is considered unusual and "eccentric". Basically, people call me weird.
Is there something wrong with me? I'm genuinely curious. Sometimes I feel like I'm insane, although I highly doubt that I am. I like being different, although there's a part of me that just wishes I could be normal like everyone else, so it would make things a lot easier for me. I can't deal with everyday living (getting money via work, etc), even though most people can. I don't strive for a social life, but I would like to know if there's an underlying cause for why I could be like this.
I should also add that I'm extremely paranoid about dying. This intense fear I have of dying developed in my teens, and I have no idea how it came about. It gets to the point where I'm pretty much almost too scared to leave my house, because I think I might get hit by a car or something. And whenever I do something in my home, I try to be extremely careful.
I really think something might be wrong with me, but I don't know what.
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