Do I have a right to be mad or upset??

Question

Ok, I'll make this as short as I can. My husband and I made a bet about 3 years ago that he could stop smoking (it was his idea). I recently found a lighter in his work uniform when I was cleaning it out to wash it. I asked him why he had a lighter and he said because he burns off excess strings on his clothes. I was VERY skeptical of this answer, but he hasn't lied to me before, he is the honest type of person. So, I believed him.

Well, today I found a receipt from the gas station in his pocket when I was cleaning and under the items bought, it said "ciggs". Now, here is the dillemma.. I asked him about the receipt and he said "god I feel really stupid". My reaction was more like "WTF?" He was like "i didnt want you to be dissapointed in me". In all honesty, I am pissed about the fact that he started up again, but not nearly as pissed about the fact that on more than one occasion he lied to me about it.. I asked him how long has he been smoking again, and he said a couple of months.. Of course now I feel like he could be easily lying to me about other things as well... Am I right to be pissed? Am I overreacting? Someone please give me some insight...

Answer 1

I would be just as pissed and wonder the same things. Let him know exactly how you feel now that the truth has come to light. He'll surely have to work on regaining your trust. Sorry to hear about that. Good luck!

Answer 2

you have the right to be mad  

Answer 3

yes you do have a right to be angry.  

but what were the agreements in the bet?

what did u win?

Answer 4

Your reaction is totally natural. Be pissed, he should buy you dinner.

Answer 5

I think that you should encourage him to stop instead of being mad. but yeah you do have the right to be mad.

Answer 6

Well, if you didn't know about it and it didn't bother you...you shouldn't be too upset. However, you have the right to lose a little trust.  

Answer 7

Well he lied to you. I would be upset.  

Answer 8

you have the right

Answer 9

I think so, because he lied when you asked him about the lighter.

Yeah, he doesn't want you to be mad/ disappointed that he's smoking, but you have a right to be disappointed since he lied.  

Answer 10

Trust is paramount in a marriage

You do have a right to be upset especially if he made a promise to you, but I guess it's up to you what you want to do about it.

It's your marriage and noone on Yahoo can really tell you how to live your life, only offer some advice.

I myself, am not a smoker so don't see that it would be that difficult to quit, but apparently it is.

If you love him, you stay and work it out, if you feel this deceit may lead to other deceptions, then you decide the best course of action.

All The Best

:-)

Answer 11

My father smokes and he has tried to stop smoking and he has told me that he wants a ciggarete when he is mostly stressed so dont get mad but ask him why he smokes and what gives him urges to smoke and I doubt that he is lying about other things. Addictions make people think differently when they long for something they want or are addicted to.

Answer 12

yes you have a right to be pissed.  lying is the worst.

Answer 13

Throw darts at the dart board.

Answer 14

As a guy I understand why he did it. From time to time I have lied in an attempt to avoid an argument or something of that nature. The problem is, I shouldn't have. There is something much more serious that happens when a person lies. The trust that has been built over the course of the entire relationship now is in question. Some statistics say that for every lie committed between two people in a relationship it takes 70 times of answering honestly questions of the same magnitude before the trust is restored to its original level. I think that you should just explain that you understand his not wanting you to be disappointed in him, however the lie not only caused disappointment anyways, it also put your ability to trust him into question which is a serious problem. I think that this is something that  you should talk about right away and deal with as quickly in the future so that if either of you ever have anything down the road that you may potentially be ashamed of or embarrassed of, you feel confident in each others love enough to be honest and truthful about it. Through this kind of love and truthfulness you will be able to encourage each other and undergird one another and help each other. Whenever one person is going through a hard time and feeling week, the other will be there to be strong and encourage, but not without trust. You must be able to trust that the other person will be there to encourage not discourage. So yes you have a right to be upset, but it's not the end of the world. Let him know you are there for him, to help him in any way you can achieve the goal both you and he set out to do. And tell him you are proud of who he is and you believe that he can do it.  

Answer 15

I dont think you have a right, he obviously acted like he quit to make you happy, to stop smoking takes alot of effort, not just a snap snap thing.

Answer 16

you have the right to be mad but you might be overreacting a tad.  every marriages has it's little lies here and there, as long as you are honest about the important things, you should let the little things slide.  having said that, he should be honest and just tell you he is smoking again.  but either way, it's his choice.

Answer 17

ya you should be

Answer 18

He's not telling you the truth about smoking cigs, because he really prob wants to quit, but it is hard, and he doesnt want to disappoint you, so he lies.  I dont think he would be lying about other things as you suspect.  If and when he decides to quit, he will.  I hope he decides to quit.  It was hard for me, but i finally just did,

Answer 19

Well don't be getting too too mad to the point where you just went and picked out his burial plot, but you definately have the right to be angry/upset with him.

He was the one lieing to you, and if he was having trouble with self control then she should have come and talked to you about it.

Answer 20

yes you have a right to be angry that he kept something that big from you. what i would be concerned about though is why he would feel the need to lie to you. you're not his mother, so that means he fears telling you the truth about this. if a man feels like his wife is turning into his mom, he's bound to lash out because he feels like he's losing control.

Answer 21

It's hard to quit smoking.  He wants to, probably for you.  Don't be mad that he failed this time.  The lying about it, that's quite another thing.  You should be mad as a bull on red.  Can you trust him the way you did before?

Answer 22

Yes, you should be upset. You're in a marital relationship and he's lying to your face about it. That's not acceptable.  

Answer 23

you are so right, he did lie to you on several occasions with you gulping everything down..its a matter of trust honey and he should've told you...

Answer 24

Trust is a huge part of a relationship...if he lies to you about small things what else is he lying about. I understand exactly how you feel. You have every right to be upset and disappointed about him lying and smoking again...and especially by not being able to talk to you and be honest.  

Answer 25

relax addiction is a mf as you know instead of getting pissed help him quit again love your man and of corse he lies to you about other things we all do to avoid the nagging but dont worry its not about anything bad or nothing its just so we dont have to listen to it you know what I mean we all do it you have done it yourself  

Answer 26

Of course you should!!!! If he was lying to you about something simple like that and he hid it from you and kept lying he is probably keeping other things away from you that you have no idea about!!!

Answer 27

I think you have a right to be angry, even if he didn't want you to be disappointed he should have confronted you about taking it up again so he could at least be honest about it with you.  That way he would have maybe disappointed you but you could be sure that you have an honest person in your life.  

Answer 28

Pissed off no disappointed yes.  Try hypnosis or the patch.  Tell him you are trying to support him and will work with him to find solutions but are disappointed that he couldn't confide in you that he had slipped.  Try not to be too judgmental, he needs support.

Answer 29

Yes, you have the right to be upset, but you need to take a breath and let it go. Don't get all emotional from it. Talk to him about it and find out why he started again. If it's a stress issue for him, then he's just going to want to smoke more if you yell at him. find out what's making him want to smoke and either take away the cause or find something less harmful and expensive than ciggs to replace them.

Answer 30

yes you sure have every right to be mad, but thinking he can lie about other things...i mean com on now, you gotta have some trust in your man.  Just dont over re-act and youll be fine, you dont want to end a marriage over something stupid.  Dont let yourself worry=]

Answer 31

h**l ya you have the right to be pissed. He lied to you. That's WRONG. He should be able to tell you anything. You should really talk to him. Cause h**l what else could he be hiding from you?