Do I have a tattoo on my forehead?

Question

I swear, I must have pushover tattooed on my forehead. I am not one to complain. I hate confrontation. I hate telling people anything that might upset them. But dang....my neighbor told me about a week and a half ago that her kid's summer camp was going to be over on that Friday and asked if I could watch her 3 yr old daughter the next week. She said that she would probably have it taken care of the next week, but she needed my help that one week. Well, that week came and went and this morning she called and asked me if I was going to be able to watch her today. I told her I guess so. She left her with her 11 yr old son until I was ready for her to come to my house. Around 2 I told them that she was ok to come down. It is 6:15 and I still have her. I know that her dad gets off work at 5 and her mom usually gets off around 5. She can get off if she needs to. My son's bday is tomorrow and I have lots of stuff to do but I can't do them with a 3 yr old. I'm sick of being taken advantage of. If I was getting paid to take care of the back talking toddler, I might have a little more patience,but I'm not getting a cent. What the heck should I do? I don't want to ruin a friendship over this. I just can't do 3 year olds anymore. I'm use to the independence. My kids take care of themselves.

Answer 1

No, you don't have it on your forehead, but apparantly you might as well have. Your friend have become used to you saying 'yes' to whatever they need you to do. You might start off by saying, 'Gee, I don't think so right now. Ive got a lot on my plate, and I don't think it's a good time'. After hearing this a few times, they may not wanna hear it... but they'll show you some respect. I'm a tattoo artist, and I have friends that always want something for free. I just tell 'em to bring their checkbook... they quit after a while! Take care.

Answer 2

okay what does this have to do with a tattoo on your forehead??

Answer 3

I understand what you mean - it's hard to find a balance between keeping friends happy and keeping yourself sane. But the simple solution to this problem is to - I know it's cliche - "JUST SAY NO!" Trust me, your friendship will NOT be ruined by you saying you can't babysit this week. If it is ruined, then your friend is not a friend at all. You may think that she will take the fact you won't look after her child, but trust me, she won't. She may be disappointed, but she needs to grow up and realize there are things called paid babysitters and that she needs to pick up her child on time. Next time she asks, just say, "Sorry, I'm busy that day - maybe next week." Eventually, as she realizes you aren't just always going to say yes, she won't take advantage of you.

Answer 4

well honey hate to put it to you like this but Nows the time to say "hey friend ur 3year old is a brat she talks back and i just cant take it anymore besides i need 40bucks since i been watching her" now i know thats not what your wanting to say to a friend but its alot like being drunk and wanting to drive like if you go to a bar and they take ur keys u probably wont go back but the bar next door lets u drive ur going there from now on well same as this in a way the first bar is like ur friend they stick u with kid without money or a care"key" the second bar is ur house there u can drive without being stopped...but just 1 ? why did u watch the brat after the 1st week?

Answer 5

what the heck are you talking about?

Answer 6

Sorry but you need to get a backbone. Watching someone else's kid for free? Next time she asks tell her your busy. If you do decide to watch her, charge her and make her pay BEFORE you babysit her. Don't let her say i'll pay you later, you wont see any money then. She knows what shes doing, shes taking advantage of you. Shes going to do it as long as you let her. Why should she go pay some other babysitter when you'll do it for free! Why do you think no one has picked her up and its this late. She's taking advantage of a free sitter.

Answer 7

I believe you'd get more answers if you posted this in the correct section. This is the tattoos section.

But my mom has this problem. You've got to be firm! Stand up for yourself, respect yourself, and get some confidence. Stand up straight, be assertive, dress to kill, and stop saying you'll do people favors. If you respect yourself and have confidence in yourself, people won't think that they can push you over. Start prioritizing! You come first. Then your kids and family. Don't watch another kid on your son's birthday!!! What are you doing? If you let that woman guilt trip you into watching the kid, you are doing yourself a disservice not to mention your son. Your family is getting the short end of the stick. Just tell the woman it is your son's birthday and you need to be with your family. Tell her you cannot watch the kid anymore unless you are being paid, because it has become a full time job. This is ridiculous, and you are letting it happen. Stand up! It's not confrontation, it's being assertive and not being a pushover. You need to start practicing!

As the daughter of a pushover, I can't stand seeing how people treat my mom. They think they can ask her to do anything. And she will. She resents it, but she does it. And it's all because of the way she carries herself and acts. I'm a confident person. People would never, ever ask me to do things or talk to me the way they talk to her. It's because she lets them. She watches people's kids, drives people to the mechanic, helps people find their lost dogs. Some of the time it's just neighborly stuff, but sometimes people really abuse it and treat her like a slave. Now that I'm grown up and don't live with her it's not as much of a problem for me, but it was awful! You have no idea how many times other people and their problems came before me and my siblings, just because she couldn't say no. It was terrible to see how comfortable people were asking my mom to do their chores, but it was also hurtful to me that my mom chose to do those things rather than spend time with me. I know that this is a psychological issue, but still. It hurts when your mother is there for others more than she is for you. If you let yourself become the human kleenex, your whole family suffers. You have to be willing to do what it takes to be there for your family, and yes, that includes confrontation.

There is also a difference between a friend and a user. If your neighbor is your friend, she will understand. If your neighbor is just using you, then maybe your "friendship" will be ruined. In that case, you never had a friend in her. You were just a convenient person to get to watch the kid.