Do I have an evil nature?

Question

When I was a kid, I did all sorts of bad things. I don't remember doing this, but my aunt says that when I was about 3 or 4, I would step on my baby cousin's hands and make him scream and then laugh about it. I also remember laughing when people would trip and fall. This is going to sound weird, but after watching a disaster movie involving a burning building, I became fascinated by fires. I often drew pictures of housefires, and even though I fantasized about committing arson, I never did it. Also, I'm really ashamed to admit this, but I was also sometimes cruel to animals. I remember throwing my cat into my kiddie pool when I was about 5. Even worse, I enjoyed killing snails in my mom's aquarium when I was about 10. This is going to sound mild in comparison to some of the other things I've told you, but I got sent to the principal's office on the first day of kindergarten, because I pulled down my underwear and showed my behind to a couple of boys. I'm really ashamed of some of the things I did when I was a kid. Yesterday, when I told someone all of this, she said it sounded like I had conduct disorder. I know that kids with conduct disorder often grow up to be psychopaths, but I honestly don't think I'm a psychopath. I'm now 34, and I think my conscience is fully developed. If anything, I often feel too much guilt about some things, and I've also become a vegetarian animal rights supporter. However, even though I try to be good, I often find myself doing and saying bad things without thinking about it. For example, I'm pretty good at insulting people, but I usually don't do it unless they really offend me. That being said, though, I usually don't try to hurt people's feelings, though I sometimes do it, anyway, since I often speak without thinking first. Last, but not least, I don't want you to think I was completely cold-hearted when I was a kid, because I wasn't. In fact, I often cried when I heard sad stories or when people or pets died. Do you think I really have an evil nature, even though I try to be good?

Answer 1

Sounds to me you think more now about things and therefore have become more humane.

Answer 2

Having read many of your answers on Yahoo, but not knowing you personally, to draw insight of "who you really are" is very difficult.  I know your on Prozac which tells me your having problems of some sort.  When children are in their forming years, they are "taught" some bad behavior, the method could be that parents didn't hold you enough to make you secure, which teaches you insecurity.  Maybe they laughed when you were "naughty" which taught you being mean is OK, but most of what we are as adults comes from what we were in our forming years.  The better the childhood then generally the better the adult years (psychologically).  I don't think that makes you evil, it makes you human.  Trying to find your identity and overcoming some of the shortfalls you may have received as a child is a normal trait to fit in with a society that may reject that type of behavior.  We all have character flaws, how we deal with them to be better people is much more important then what the character flaw actually is.  I think what is truly inspirational is that your willing to seek self improvement in the first place.  Most people don't, they rarely assess themselves to even ask is this the best I can be.  Your way advanced then most of your fellow citizens.

Answer 3

children do not have fully developed brains until they are in their early twenties.  As a result, they will often do things that an adult will consider abnormal.  It would be a concern if some of those "odd" behaviors continued into your adulthood.  It doesn't sound as they have and it does sound as they you regret what you did.  Also, if you are no longer doing some of the things you did and truly regret doing them, there is no reason to go through your life beating yourself up with a guilty conscience.

I have seen a lot of your answers on Y/A, you seem to have gotten way past the things you have mentioned.

I would not say you are an evil person by nature.

by the way, if you want to see someone with an evil nature, spend more time in the politics section.  It is filled with people with an evil nature.

Answer 4

"Evil" is a loaded word.

If anything, all people have an evil nature. It is what the Roman Catholics call "original sin." The thing is, everyone has a "good" nature as well.

Let's face it, cruelty is fun sometimes. I love saying cruel hurtful things to people who aggravate me. You are on my contact list. Look at my questions: I have one where I asked whether or not it was appropriate to celebrate the death of Jesse Helms...and do you know what? At my 4th of July soire, I did toast my friends to the death of Jesse Helms...and I didn't feel the least bit guilty about it.

Sheudenfreuda (sic) is German for "Shameful Joy" and references the delight that people take in the misfortune of others. It is what all slapstick comedy is based on. Were Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin, Steve Martin and Chevy Chase "evil?" I don't think so.

You are obviously a very conscientous person. If I were you, I would resolve myself to my predilictions to "evil" and move on.

"I'm just a bad person,"--Trainspotting

Answer 5

That's not the Tangerine I know so I guess I have to denounce you now :)

Yes,  I agree with dcon we all have an evil nature. You're a kind person, I think your conscience simply needed time to mature. You're a very conscious person and not reckless about others people's emotions or feelings at all, you have a lot of emphaty.  That you're maybe not always in tune with the superficial rules of behavior in society or refuse to take c**p does not make you less emphatic. Sometimes hurting people is inevitable, sometimes it's them or you. You're cool, never change or only if you want to

Answer 6

Some kids are just ornery... I was extremely shy and withdrawn at that age. One of my cousins (and best friends at the time) was very bossy and liked to push others around. We're both mature adults now and I've grown out of my shyness, just as she grew out of her bossiness. At a young age like that, you hadn't had time to develop a clear sense of right and wrong. You could have a more ornery nature, but you don't sound evil to me.

(I'm a vegetarian and an animal rights supporter too! Good for you!!!)

Answer 7

Not at ALL! You were a normal kid! Whoever told you that was trying to use what they learned in Psych 101 to diagnose you with something you don't have.  Has she been around children before?  Children often misbehave, act up, and whether it is right or wrong, people of all ages find humor in pain and accidents!  The indicator in your situation would be if you continued to harm people and animals growing up throughout your life.  Experimenting does not imply that you have or had a conduct disorder.  And if you had not done those things as a child, you may not have learned that they were wrong.  Growing up is all trial and error, what you have described sounds completely normal.  And as to your current issue, I don't believe there is anything to it other than maybe you do need to think before you speak! And the fact that you recognize all of this is proof that you are mentally sound.

Answer 8

Don't be so critical of yourself..you where a kid doing kid things...curious did you have siblings...older brothers? trying to impress them...i remember  guy that would eat flies in class to make us laugh or putting fire crackers in frog mouths or burning heads off kids barbie dolls...and much more from other kids...you where normal..and we all say things we regret later or say stuff that's not nice but we are not perfect it may be the way we feel better when we are down..I go to NA and its been a while...i learn all these ways to be kind and nice etc but some days i have a bad day and i will blabber off in my car and say mean things about the people who p**s me off at that moment or someone on the corner or the car beside me  not even so they hear me and then after wards Ill go "now that wasn't very NAish lol so be your best ry your best..and hey you have aconscience

Answer 9

No, not at all, I think you're really cool and even though you had some behavior problems as a kid, you've grown up to be a kind and decent person...which is more than I can say for many of the people on this board!

Answer 10

I really think everyone has some evil and good in them that are always going to be there.  Everyone struggles with who to listen to the devil on your right shoulder or the angel on your left.  The reason you have more empathy now is that your an adult.  Children don't understand the concept of empathy.  When I remember some of the things I did I cringe. I burned aunts one time. It just seems so cruel and embarrasing. I have thoughts of douing nasty things to people but I would never do them they play out in my head and that's most of the time good enough so the angel USUALLY wins. But sometimes well.  

Answer 11

"This is the day the Lord has made.  Let us be glad and rejoice in it."

Some simple sounding words....but, I believe very relevant.

Yesterday is gone.  You can not change any events that have previously happened.  

Tomorrow is not yet here.  Continually worrying about tomorrow will do little good.

The only time period you have influence over is today.  Continue working on what you're doing in the moment.  Each moment can then become good memories.  The future will take care of itself.  You can plan some things (e.g. save some money for the future).  But, events will happen whether or not you worry about them.  So, don't worry about them too much.

Answer 12

Ahhh... Maybe u had a different mental state when u where younger. People don't have evil minds , they just do bad things.  

Answer 13

Here's the thing - do you want to have an evil nature? Is laughing your reaction to disaster because you don't know how to react or are you truly joyful? Does it matter if you're not hurting anyone? Things are so overdiagnosed these days when, really, it's all down to how you behave and who you are.

Answer 14

You are neither good nor bad. These are just arbitrary moralistic judgments based upon your(or someone else's) values. You are merely a domesticated primate as all human beings are. We are, however, a relatively dangerous species as we are rapidly depleting what is left of our ecosystem to sustain us. At this rate, extinction is the inevitable end for such a toxic species.