Do I have the right to choose not to be around my EX? Does my family have the right to force me around him?

Question

My Ex refuses to move on with his life. The whole time we were married he treated me horrible and used me for money. Yet he has my whole family completely brainwashed. He keeps telling them lies about me and causing me problems with my mom. She doesn't want to accept the fact that we are divorced.

I DO NOT want to be around my ex at all. I have made this clear to my whole family. He is really having a hard time moving on. He emails me everyday. Calls me everyday. We are divorced and I have started a relationship with someone else. My family invites him to all the holidays and family reunions. He shows up and gives my new guy dirty looks and refuses to leave.

Shouldn't it be my choice not to be around him? Why does my family think it is up to them to choose if I want to be around him? My ex says he has moved on with his life...do you agree?

Answer 1

maybe he just likes the food and the attention your family gives him, Id stick around too, if a family made some good grubs and treated me like family. As for the dirty looks maybe he thinks you could do better.

Answer 2

you have to stop also you need to change your email name and not speak to him and you need to get on with your life. yes your family is horrible mine was like that i moved away and made a life for myself butyou will have to do this and your family will learn once and for all once you are on your own you will see things will get better and x is what they are for reason and you need to go and move and see your new bf now take care. if its not have family stuff for a year or two so be it you can do it and therefore grow up.

Answer 3

Don't show up when you know he's gonna be there. If he shows up after you and refuses to leave, YOU LEAVE. After a few hollidays without you being there, your family will get the point. Unfortunately, they will have to choose between you or him, make THEM make the choice. If you have a new man, HE needs to be the center of you and your family's attention, not your stupid ex. If I was the new man, I would not be happy about this situation. You need to do something about it yourself, NOW. Take control, your family will get the point soon enough.

Answer 4

I am so sorry that your family is doing this to you. It must really suck that they can not get that you have moved on. Have you tried talking to them about it one on one?

He has to move on with his life as its over and he will never move on when he is coming to family ****.

Does your family feel sorry for him?

Answer 5

No if he wants to there is nothing you can do. They are also permitd 2 tie you down and chuck you in the basement. Of course they can't force you what's wrong with you???????

Answer 6

i think you have the right if you dont want to be around him then you dont have to they cant force you to be around him

Answer 7

It is inappropriate even if you both have children together. If you have children together, then the children go to one parent's house for an event and then the other's.

A family exercising proper consideration would not invite someone over that has no family tie and serves to seriously upset someone else. It just makes no sense.  

Since your family seems to have little respect for your feelings, seems like they are not a good and supportive place to be.  

If I were you I'd spend my holidays with my friends and relatives who are supportive of my decisions and let it go at that.  

Whether your ex has moved on or not has little relevance to how you feel.  Fact is that last you knew, family should trump outsiders, which Mr. X is.  Sad to say that it appears that your ex trumps you in the stakes of "who gets the nod" sweeps.

I'd bow out. Regardless of whether your parents live next door or four states away, they haven't got what it takes to be supportive family, so who needs them? Or simply stay away during the holidays and make clear why.

I don't think your ex has moved on. I'd bet he's getting a kick out of watching you suffer, he sounds like a real controlling jerk.  Ignore this whole crowd for your own sanity.

Answer 8

Yes it's your choice, easiest thing to do, when he walks in the door, you walk out. Let the family know that if he comes around you're not hanging around. Don't say anything to anyone as you leave. They will get the idea sooner or later.

Tell him to move on, stop sending emails and calling. Let him know that you will file a report with the PD for stalking and get a restraining order against him.

No, it doesn't sound as if he has moved on.

Answer 9

You need to talk to you family and tell them that their relationship with him is causing you pain and making it difficult for you to move on.  If need be, you may have to disown them for a period of time to get them to see having him means not having you.

Answer 10

Do you have kids?  If you have kids, I can understand why your family would want him around at the holidays and stuff.  If you don't have kids, then that is totally weird.  I would hate that if my family tried to keep the Ex in the family if we had no kids.  I think all you can do is ignore his efforts to contact you, but when you see him try and be cordial.   Good Luck!

Answer 11

well you should make it clear to your ex by changing your email account, phone number (cell and home), if he call you at work just change your voice a little and tell him that you don't work there any more.

no, your family doesn't have a choice in this matter of the hearts. you're the one who have to lived with him and not your family. the next time when your family plans an outting and invited your ex, just stay for 20 minutes and excuse yourself and your new boyfriend.