Do I have the right to search for my brother?

Question

My mother relinquished her son over 40 years ago. In 1967, She went to live with a married cousin in another state, but her son was adopted privately in the same state where she lived. It was a closed adoption, but she did have a chance to meet her son's adoptive grandmother.

When I was about 8 or 9, we went to a large family reunion, where the cousin she lived with while she was pregnant was attending. The cousin made a comment to my aunt (my mother's sister) that it was so amazing how much her son and I look alike. She never saw him in the hospital. Eventually, my mother got up the courage to ask her about it - and she said that yes, she had known the adoptive parents and had seen him a few times over the years. She was able to tell my mom that they were both teachers (so is she), that they eventually adopted another son. They eventually lost touch.

My question is: do I have the right to go and look for him? At this point, it would be fairly easy to get a name. But if neither

Answer 1

In our society we enjoy something called free association.  Unless a court order restrains you from contact with a person, you are free to contact that person.  You are both adults and both capable of stating whether or not you want further contact.  If your brother chooses to continue contact, that's great.  If not (or not yet,) then you need to go with that.

Last year I located my siblings.  We were separated by adoption and it was a good thing to reunite.

As for your mom fearing her son may be happy and that's why he hasn't searched, that may not be true.  He may be interested, but afraid.  He may feel that HE doesn't want to "intrude" on her.  He may have unsuccessfully searched.  Who knows?  She doesn't really know the truth about why he hasn't made contact -- she's just surmising, probably out of her own fear that he doesn't want to see her.  The only way anyone really knows if another person want s to see him is to ask.

You have every right to make contact with your own brother -- EVERY right.

Answer 2

You can but try, we were able to reunite a brother and sister together after only 11 years, they joy on there faces was more than money was worth.

It is not an easy ride though you may well have so many feelings going on at one time.

You may have so much to gain, but you have to also respect the other persons feelings as they well be different from yours.

Answer 3

You certainly can send a letter of contact with your information in it.  By sending it, especially make it so he has to sign for it ... you can know he got the letter.  Then leave it up for him to contact you back.  That way you do not intrude, but he knows you would like to meet him and you  are out there ...

Best wishes to you.

Answer 4

Yes you have a right!! DO IT NOW!!

Why look at it from the prospective of a PAP. Its not about the pap. the pap has no say in reunion. If the AP's are supportive or aren't supportive its not about them.

Find your sibling.

Answer 5

YES - DO IT!!!!

As an adoptee - I would have LOVED for someone in my bio family to come looking for me.

AND - not being the mother or father - it's not as 'heavy' a relationship.

GO FOR IT!!

Answer 6

We have a very similar story.  My half-brother is about to turn 36, he was adopted at birth.  My mom walked away when she relinquished him, as "back in the day", adoptions were pretty much closed.  I try to see that from her perspective, rather than try to figure out "why she doesn't want to know him".   I know when I relinquished a child, it was a very different story, and I got to know her experience through mine.  At first, she looked at it as though my baby girl had died.  This really told me how much she felt she had to close the door on her life with her son.  To answer your question, YES, YES, YES- you have the right to find your brother.  I have always wanted a brother, even before I knew I had one.  If he had found me by now, I can't tell you how happy I would have been.  I doubt my brother knows about my existance.  Perhaps it's the same for you, although you sound as though you've gotten some hazy bits and pieces throughout the years, so maybe he has, too.  Either way, you'll never know until you look into it what either of you want or don't want.  I envy how easy it would be for you to contact him, and I think you should take advantage of that, while you can.  Best of luck~

Answer 7

Sure.  You have a right to try to contact.  He has a right to refuse but I doubt he will.  Go looking and good luck!

Answer 8

I see no reason why you can't.  Your mother may not be aware that it is often very difficult for a child to find you if you are not already looking (and having your info posted say at a adoptee listing).  It is your half-brother and if your mom doesn't want to meet with him, that is up to her.

Answer 9

Yes you should. I worked with a family who adopted a newborn boy. When the child was one they found out that the boy's older brother had been adopted to another family in the same city. Both mothers went to a child psychologist to see about the boys knowing each other. She said that it was very important that not only should they know each other but know that they were brothers. It is a very important bond.

Answer 10

yes you have the right to find your brother.

Answer 11

You are all adults now, you have every right to look, but keep in mind, this man might not know he is adopted, that would be as problem. If you find him, I would tread lightly until you know he knows.