Do I have to get married to the man my parents pick for me?

Question

I am going to be 18 in a couple months and my parents are already arranging a marriage for me! I don't know the guy, and I don't want to marry him! Do I have a say in this?!!?!??! I live in USA!

Answer 1

No, you don't have to. The suitor need to ask the permission of your parents but they can't force you. A girl came to the prophet (pbuh) and told him that her father father had married her to a man without asking her permission. The prophet (pbuh) gave her the option to accept or refuse. The girl accepted and further said that she actually liked the guy but just wanted to let the girls of the Ummah know that they aren't under the control of their parents.

Answer 2

OOH. I feel for you! This is PAKISTANI CULTURE OF WHICH YOU AND I ARE A PART. Urgh

I know a girl in my locality in Staffordshire, who is 17. She'd had many boyfriends, she's a Muslim. Her parents were disgraced by her, and they decided to arrange a marriage for her. She's now marrying a 31 year old doctor, in England. He's also Pakistani. The age gap is quite large. But he's a really loving guy so I hope they have a lovely life.

Anyway, listen to me clearly. Do you have a mosque nearby? If you do, contact the imam or the imam's wife ASAP, and have a word with her. And talk to your parents, using Quranic references and SAHIH hadith, proving you don't have to marry the man your parents pick for you. Don't let them marry you to someone you don't like, it's UN ISLAMIC BEHAVIOUR.

I'm gonna get married when I'm 20 - 4 years from now. I don't really mind marrying whoever my folks pick for me because I'm not a huge believer in love, until after marriage

You may be a US citizen, but before that you are a Muslim, and as a Muslim woman, you were given the right to marry as you wish BEFORe America made that law.

Anyway, so talk to your parents, tell them straight up, then tell them you want to be educated first, and all will go well

Answer 3

I tell u wat to do.. when u get the chance to speak to him.. be evil , scare him :P tell him ur gonna make him cry everydaaay...

jk :P

Just ell you parents that, and tell the man too!

Answer 4

No, it isnt necessary to marry the guy picked by ur parents..tell them how you feel bout it and iam sure they will understand :)

Answer 5

:o I remember you were saying that your husband was thinking of having a second wife............and you aren't even married yet??!!!

LIAR!

Answer 6

no no no no islam says if you both dont agree then the marriage is not valid, no one can force u to marry and islam says if your parents tell you to something haram your not suppose to listen to them. forcing you to marry is a big no no. its up to you and the guy and if one of you disagrees then no one has the right to force you to marry.  even the rasul allah said this when a woman went for his help and he said that no one can force a woman to marry. and she got a divorce.

Answer 7

no, you have the right to refuse.

my family wanted me to get married to someone last year and i never got married to him because i kept refusing for him - they finally had to give up on me :D

Answer 8

No its NOt necessary for u To marry a Guy picked up by ur parents ! Just talk to them nicely and tell them about ur concerns !

If they still don't listen and force u  then Call 911 !!

Answer 9

Sui now now dear why lie for I thought you are married as previously sate din some of your answer....?

LOL

Answer 10

No! Islam does not force women into marriage. Your approval & consent is definitely needed;-)

Good Luck

Edit: So you are pretending to be an 18 year old Muslim Pakistani girl?! lol..I thought the question was serious at first. Is that how Christian trolls operate these days! Very cheap!

Answer 11

huh thats funny i asked a question about what you want your spouse too look like and you answered the same guy you were married to " a fat p**i guy" So why are you asking this question?? I know because you are FAKE!!!!

Answer 12

Assalamu Alaikum

It is command of Prophet Mohammad and Allah to respect and obey your parents unless they tell you to disobey Allah and Quran. Parents think only what is best for you. It is your right to demand to your parents to arrange your meeting with the this doctor as many times as you want to know him better.  If he is already licensed practicing as doctor then there is no harm meeting him to know him very well before you decide not to marry him. It is quite possible that he is a good, intelligent and matureed person and will treat you like a queen and you might like to marry him..  If you still don't like him, after sending some time with him, then  Islamically you have right to say you don't want to marry him. I am sure he will support your education if you want to go to college while he is in his office in day time. He might help you in your further studies also.

If you are in love with some one else then let your parents know about him. Marrying a docor will give you financial security and good life.

You should consider him seriously. If he is ugly and terrible looking and you can't like him, you have right to refuse to marry him. Refusing to marrying him without seeing or because of age difference will be a foolish mistake of yours.

Age is never considered a big factgor in marriages in Islam. You are making the age issue perhaps because you are raised in American society.

Prophet Mohammad was 25 and married with 40 years old lady named Khadijah. They both had profound love between them and had six children. Prophet Mohammad married his own two daughters in twenties to Hazrat Othman bin Affan in his forties because he was a great Muslim. He was very wealthy merchant.  Once there was femine in Mecca. People didn't have food to eat. Othman imported food ladden on hundreds of camel  and distributed free to public  and didn't to merchants. He said to merchants, Allah promises me to give me ten times more than you are offering four times my cost.

I am 65, raised my two daughters, born and raised in USA.  I  let them see their husband before their marriages. Both are very happy with their husband.  They don't have much age difference. One is doctor and one is Engineer. They are having very happy family life.

Beti  Allah blesses the marriage parents arrange.  No one else can think what is best for you than your parents. I advise you to forget about the immature young boy in case  you are in love with some young boy.

Even if you are Christian and have asked this question to test Muslims, I have given you answer what I hall give to any one.

In past when Christian girls married on the advice of their parents,  they didn't have as many divorces as they have now.  Marriage arranged by parents is far better than a girl does by herself.  Because parents don't have emotional involvement with the candidate for their daughter and make their decision  with their  wisdom and experience of life.

May Allah guide you to what is best for you. Wassalam, AM

Answer 13

Sounds like you are part of a traditional muslim family. Which is more important to you - your relationship with your parents or your long-term future happiness?  Read the bestseller 'A thousand Splendid Suns' by Khaled Hosseini, which will tell you what it is like to be made to marry a man much older than yourself who is not your own choice.

Answer 14

from your profile:

About me:   As Christians we've gotta take on the armor of Christ and go to battle against Satan....

Answer 15

I saw something about this on "Secret Lives of Women" not to long ago about child brides. It was about women in the USA. A few stories were just like yours. I must say it shocked me! I was stunned.

I really don't think you HAVE to. Here in the USA you have rights. Is it possible for your to contact child protective services in your city? If not call: 1- 800- 4- A- Child  (1- 800- 422- 4453)

http://www.reportchildabuse.com/

You can tell them what is going and I am positive they will put in contact of someone who can help you.

Now as a Muslim do you have to listen to your parents? Being Muslim is a religion so like any other religion so different families up hold the laws of their religion and state differently.

As a Christian I feel I should still obey and respect my parents. Even though I'm 33. I respect and honor them. BUT, I am an adult and I have the right to stand up for myself when I feel I am being hurt in some way. My mom can be very verbally abusive and a few times I've had to talk to her about this when it is not only hurting me but my family (my husband & kids). This is hard to do believe me. I went into a panic attack before I called her one time about this and was near tears. I was scared to death. But I did it.

What I suggest doing is call the number I gave you. You need someone on your side and someone to stand up for you. Controlling parents (even if they control out of love) have a HUGE hold on you no matter what age your and you need someone to help you stand up on your own two feet when you talk to them.

Do you have any friends who can help you? Can you talk to your friends parents? Make sure they are not Muslim.

If all else fails call your local police. Maybe someone there can help you, but don't give up without a fight. I was shocked what I learned from the tv show I watched on this.

Hope this helps.

Answer 16

no.

Answer 17

NOTE:  According to your profile you are a Christian and you are not asking your question in honesty, but rather to try to cause trouble for the Muslims  here.  May Allah give you hedayah.  I am however going to answer the question as if I were talking to a real Muslim girl who had this issue.  May Allah protect us from the lies of those who will be the losers on the Day of Judgment, Ameen.

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

It is not permissible to marry a girl off without her consent.  They cannot marry you to anyone if you don't approve.  

The fact that you live in the US doesn't matter.  This is Islamic law and is good all over the world.  HOWEVER, you will be going against your parents' culture so expect that you will have a really hard time with them.

The fact that the man is older is of no particular concern, as these types of marriages can be very successful.  The issue is that you don't know him and don't know if you would even like him, let alone want to marry him.  Are your parents wanting the marriage because he is rich or because he is a cousin?  Or do they want you to marry to protect you from committing fornication?  Is this man a good practicing Muslim?  If I were you, I would not reject him out of hand but tell your parents you won't even consider marrying him or anyone else without getting to know him first (with a chaperone present, of course).

I'm not going to tell you "Hey you're in the West you can do anything you want".  This is not the case for one who fears Allah.  I plan to encourage my children to marry young, and I'll tell you why.  I do NOT accept that because we are living in the US that my kids will grow up to date and have s*x outside of marriage.  I am teaching them from an early age that that is NOT acceptable for a Muslim man or woman.  I would rather have my sons and daughter marry as soon as they are legally able, so that they may enjoy marital relations in a halaal manner and save themselves from being sexually immoral.  That is especially important in a permissive society like the US.  And if you are thinking about dating in the Western way, having a boyfriend, or Allah forbid having s*x outside of marriage, I would encourage you to marry as soon as you can.  Not necessarily to this man your parents have chosen, as he may not be suitable, but to a good pious Muslim brother.  If you are not particularly interested in marriage and you are confident that you won't commit fornication, then there is nothing wrong with putting marriage on the back burner and getting a job or pursuing school or doing whatever permissible things you want to do. The decision should be based on YOUR needs and not your parents' desire to marry you off to a rich cousin.

May Allah help you to be a good strong practicing Muslimah and stand against this marriage if it is not good for your dunyah and aachirah.  If you live according to the laws of Allah and His Messenger, pbuh, then inshAllah you will find the right man at the right time.  And Allah knows best.

Fi Aman Allah,

Nancy Umm Abdel Hamid

Answer 18

NO ..

answer mine please

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 19

If I were you I'd tell your parents to go away and to give you money, and stay out of their lives forever ~!

Answer 20

No, you don't have to listen to them when it comes to this forced marriage, they shouldn't be forcing you anyways.

Answer 21

I don't about what you have to do to be a good Muslim, but as an American, you certainly do NOT have to marry this guy.  You are a free woman, what a blessing!  Do not give away your freedom.  You are young and have your whole life ahead of you.  Anything is possible, find a career path that you enjoy, and the rest will fall into place.  You have many years before you need to get married.  And I would not recommend marrying somone so much older than you.  A husband should be a partner with equal respect and honor, not a boss or a father figure.

Go to community college if your parents do not want to pay for university.  Be all that you can be; you are a star!

Answer 22

EwL!! He's old enough to be your dad and honestly why would your dad want you to be married to someone that old, honestly...I dun believe this and your profile is confusing me.