Do I have to go to this company party?

Question

I've been working at my company for about three months, and on Thursday, they're throwing a goodbye party for a member who's leaving. It's been said by the president of the company that everyone "should" attend, implying that it was required. Originally, I thought it was an informal gathering at a bar, and I was going to make an appearance for one drink, and then leave because I'm really not a bar person at all. Now it's turned into a pretty official thing with a $10 cover for drinks and appetizers (which I can't eat because I'm vegetarian, and I never have more than one drink, if that), and it's until really late at night, and I just really don't want to go. I feel bad because it's a small company and the comroderie is really nice, but it's really just not my thing and I never have fun at these types of bar parties. I just feel like I'm in an awkward position because we're being expected to dish out cash for a required event, where I know I can't eat anything. Thoughts?

Answer 1

If you really can´t feel like making a sacrifice, then don´t go. Who is pushing you to go? The boss said it is a must, but of course if you go and start acting weird, it will be worse for you. Try to come up with some excuse last minute, like you are feeling a horrible headache, of someone else needed you and you could´t make it. With these kind of excuses you might be accepted and that won´t be hard feelings between your collegues and you.

Good luck!

Answer 2

If they say you should attend but don't offer to pay, that's cheap.  Unless you can come up with a really GOOD excuse, you should probably make an appearance.

Answer 3

Just because it's a bar does not mean you are required to drink.  You can have soft drinks.  As for the food, not every appetizer is a meat appetizer....you might be surprised by the selection.  It's $10, is that really a big deal to show that you care about the company and the people you work with??  I would think not.

Answer 4

in reading your initial question, followed by your response to others, why not just be honest and tell them you don't want to go?  when they find out that you can't eat anything on the menu, they'll probably feel terrible, and consider that for the next gathering.  it sounds to me like this is something you might have to get used to at your job.

sorry.

Answer 5

Let them know that you have other plans for that nite. But, do give a card and a little something for the person that is leaving. If you don't want to go that direction, bake something and take it to the office the day off the going away party, or buy some baked goods (cookies, doughnuts, brownies and etc...) so the office can have something to drink with their morning coffee/drink.

Answer 6

Are you sure all they will serve is alcoholic beverages?  They have to be serving soda or water.  $10 isn't that much, but it is an hour's pay for most people.  Kind of lame.  I'm also a vegetarian, so I understand your feelings on the meet dish.  It's really thoughtless when people serve meals where every dish has meat in it.  They couldn't even have a meatless pasta or a veggie dish?  Also, that member must have been REALLY important if they have to make attendance to their going-away party required.

If I were you, I'd probably pay the $10 and tell them you'll be there for about an hour, but you had previous plans and didn't know this was going to be mandatory.  Then go there, let your face be seen, and slip back out the door.

Companies really need to lay off these mandatory parties.  Some of us do not want to be social.  We go there to work.  We give them their little teamwork deal where we are polite, courteous, and civil towards are coworkers to get the job done.  Then we want to go home.

Answer 7

If its a small company... tell them you are vegetarian, and they should accommodate you! Its never to late to change the options of what they are serving. Especially if you know the person who is in charge of the whole thing.

Answer 8

Well, after reading the original post and your follow-ups, it sounds like this get together is part of the 'personality' of this company.  You note it's a small company, and the President of the company has implied that it's required.  You've been there a short time and honestly, in working a small company playing along with things like this can carry a surprising amount of importance.  If you choose to opt out do not be surprised if it's "noted" and that if you continue to opt out it can be construed as not being a team player or failing to join in where it's deemed the thing to do by management.  That can hurt you as they may look on you less favorably for salary increases, advancement and such.  ...  As far as ponying up $10 for food an beverages you won't consume, you have to decide if that contribution 'buys' you enough good will in the company to be worth the money spent.  You have only been there three months.  Perhaps if you go and take part to the extent of drinking soda or water and being friendly your co-workers will become more aware that you are vegetarian and will begin to select venues for such events that include non-meat dishes and such.  You'd need to eat something before you go to the party so that you are not over-hungry during the event.  Hopefully, others will ask why you are not eating and you can smile and say, "I am a vegetarian - the items here all include meat."  Say it friendly and not in a tone tha tcan be considered complaining.  If you show a good attitude toward things it may win their 'favor' so that your choice to go meatless will be part of the conisderation in choosing venues for future events.  If you try to join in and be a team player and they don't make 'changes' that incude your dietary choices when they choose restaurants, then you can decide if it's worth it to you to stay on with a company that 'values' these get-togethers, but doesn't value your individual choices to not eat meat.  Alternatively you can join in and they may prove to be a good group that takes into consideration things that matter to you (choosing a restaurant that includes non-meat dishes and such).  ... Opting out of what is clearly part of the culture of the company this early on in your employment there will send a message.  You need to be sure/comfortable that it's the message you want to send.  ... Rest assured that no restuarant choice will suit everyone perfectly.  Some people may be on restricted salt or fat diets for health reasons and that might be a "problem" for those people.  My suggestion would be that you give them some time/chances to know if some middle ground can/will be met and if continued employment at this small, close-knit company will work out for you.

Answer 9

Yes, it will definitely leave a bad taste in their mouths if you have been required to go and you do not show up, I'm sure there are others there that do not want to go but are still going because its required. So if you dont go just because you dont feel like it it will raise eyebrows, and since you are fairly new still I wouldn't do anything to make a stir. Just go have some water or whatever you prefer and try to enjoy yourself. You can always pull the family emergency excuse but just relax you might have fun, and they are probably requiring everyone to go because they know no one would show up if it was optional, its not that bad. See if you can bring a guest or sit with one of your friends from work. Just go, you may have fun.

Answer 10

If they are "suggesting" all should attend, and the charging people to come that is cheap of them. If the president is that concerned everyone should come, than he should pony up the cash to pay for everything.

I completely understand about the menu. I have vegetarian friends (and vegan ones), and others who don't drink. To ask someone to pay for items they won't be eating/drinking is rude.

Not to mention, you've only worked there for 3 months, you shouldn't be expected to attend. For most of the people it would seem second nature to go since they've probably worked with this person for quite some time, but you likely hardly know them.

I think it is admirable of you that you initially were even going to attend.

Frankly, I would come up with a plausible excuse not to attend and leave it at that. If a coworker pushes the issue, just respond with unfortunately I'm just not able to make it on that particular day.

Answer 11

Why not go and don't p ay the cover and explain that your not eating or drinking anything!  talk to your boss prior to this to ensure it's okay!

just go to him and say boss. i know this going away party everyone should attend. even thought i'm not big on these thigns i want to go. however i feel that i'm wasting my money on something that i don't get to take part in! i don't eat meat and fried mushrooms are not my thing either! i was wondering if i could just get a 10 dollar gift for the person leaving and skip out on the event!  that way i don't feel like i'm just handing out money!  at least this would be from my heart!

Or Lie your butt off!

Hey boss, i hate to inform you that there is a double booking event!  I was just reminded about the (name some family event or doctor appointment if in the day) if at night( then name something with the family to help mom organize some stuff or someone is moving and you promised to help!  so i know we all SHOULD go to this party but i can not leave my family out to dry! i know you understand but i just wanted to let you know!

then if anyone says soemthig like why were you not there just tell them you had a previous commetment you had to attend to!

no one needs to know the details  - it's just nice to elaberate to your boss!

Best wishes!

Answer 12

I would get a card and maybe a little something for the person leaving, and let them know you won't be able to attend the party due to other obligations. Let them know that you want to go (even if you don't), but you just can't make it that night. I think the gift will save you from looking like you just didn't want to go, and it's thoughtful.