Do I let toddlers fight it out once in awhile or intervene?

Question

I have read sometimes it's good to let toddlers fight it out...I have a 16 month old and care for a 2 year old, they are constantly fighting over toys...Should I let them try to settle it themselves once in awhile (of course with my supervision- i.e. making sure no one gets hurts). Also any suggestions for getting a two year old to share would be great - LOL I know there is probably none.

Answer 1

I wouldn't let them physically fight it out, but I would encourage them to settle their arguements themselves as much as possible.  Your 16 month old is probably a little young to understand a lot of language (and therefore reason), but your 2 year old isn't.  Next time they fight, instead of telling them exactly what to do, talk to your 2 year old and give him some options like "It looks like you two can't decide who gets to play with the toy.  How can you fix this?  Maybe you could take turns?  Or you both could play with something else?  What do you think we should do?"  With time, that will teach them to settle their own problems without your intervention....and without beating on each other. Good luck!

Answer 2

I personally don't think they should work it out on their own, the 16 month is too young.  I think you should help them figure out how to share and take turns.  If you praise your two year old every time he/she shares well and gives his sibling (or friend) a turn, he/she will be excited to keep sharing and the 16 mo. will eventually learn the same thing.

Of course there will always be that one toy that is too special to share, and days where they are tired, hunger and grumpy and they will forget the coolness of sharing and having you cheer them on.  With encouragement it will come back.

Answer 3

They are still a little too young to really let them fight it out. Once they are a little bit older let em at it. I have 2 boys and eventually they get tired of fighting with each other and compromise.

Its whatever you thinks best.

Answer 4

When the altercations get physical, you should not let them fight it out. But, if they are arguing over who gets the toy, on occasion it is okay to let them go at it for a while. They are developing a sense of others and people skills (though you'd never know it by the way they react to one another.)  Make sure you supervise closely. Don't allow bad names (stupid-doo-doo-head counts as a bad-name) and don't allow violence such as slapping, hitting, pushing, or biting.  Watch them closely and make sure to intervene, but you don't always have to do it right away.

The best way I can think to get a 2 year old to share (doesn't that sound ironic in a way...) is offer them rewards for being good to each other.  Let them know that they can both have a turn, and if they play together and share, say you'll fill up the kiddy pool in the back yard and let them splash (or play in the sprinklers) but only if they are nice and share.  If you use the reward method, don't wait too long before giving them a treat. There may only be a short period of time where they will be nice to one another and it is good to establish the good behavior/reward connection solidly.  So if they can share with each other and not yell or fight for 10 minutes, you'll let them play in the sprinkler (or something else they would really want to do.)

Answer 5

i let my kids figure it out. i figured if i intervened all of the time, they would never learn to solve conflicts on their own. unless, of course, one of them was chasing another one with scissors.

Answer 6

Dont let them fight. If they fight over the same toy, take it away and neither one gets it

Answer 7

I saw a film clip on TV once of a mother video taping her two children fighting..she thought it was for the best that they settle it.  It was hard to watch as the kids became more violent every second.  No, dont let them fight..remember they are immature and need our intervention to settle these things.  They dont always like it and can be stubborn, but keep at it and beleive me, one day it sinks in.  Good Luck.

Answer 8

I do daycare, there is a 1 1/2 (D) year old that starts pushing and hitting every day, then the other 1 1/2 (H) year old trys taking the toys from the 2 1/2 year old.

D just walks up and hits, so with him I let my 2 1/2 year old go at it with him because I want my son to be able to fight back and defend himself, it has now gotten better and D is hardly hitting him now (there was never any harm done during these 2 children going at it).  H takes the toys from either D or my son when they are playing with them he just tries to take it right out of there hands.  I usually try to find another toy for H to play with so it will distract him and the child that originally had the toy still has it.  If they are really being mean over the toy I will completly take it away.  

the 2 year old that you watch will eventually share if it is taking a toy away from your 16 month old then try to find a different toy for the 2 year old if it is your 16 month old wants to play with the 2 year old try explaining and continue telling the 2 year old that you need to share the toys so everyone can play with them.

Answer 9

no, if u there and u no intervene they will think you approve of fighting and that its ok

Answer 10

Its definitly not a good idea to let them fight it out, then they learn that if they want something someone else has then it's okay to fight for it or just take it. Unless they're going to work for the government when they get older then the rest of society is going to look down on that. =]

If you're supervising them, then you know who has the toy first. If the other child trys to take it, tell them no and offer them another toy. Set an egg timer for 5 or 10 minutes and tell them that when they hear the ding then it's time to trade toys. Make it sound like a fun kind of game, kids will fall for anything. (However, if they're like most toddlers they will lose interest in the toy and leave it laying around way before the timer goes off.) If that happens then go ahead and give it to the other child and set the timer for them.

If they continue to fight about it then put the toy up where neither can get it, until they learn to get along. (Let the second child still have his turn though!)

Good luck!

Answer 11

i don't know that they should be taught it is ok to fight.

Answer 12

you could film them and put it on you tube too.

Where did you read this c**p??

Answer 13

separate them when disagreements occur. then when the 16 month old is older , able to talk more and more the same size let them gradually discuss it. You can then intervene with words saying that it is his 'turn' and that way they will learn rules. Meanwhile, separate and divert attention

Answer 14

I would not let them fight but better yet teach them the importance of sharing.

Answer 15

Intervene the 2 year old could really hurt 16 month old child!!!

NEVER!!! let children fight because when they get older and they want something of someone they will fight to get!!!

Answer 16

So you are caring for another child and you are asking the Yahoo community if it is ok if your son and this child fight over toys?

How about you ask the mother of the other child and perhaps buy 2 of each toy they like to avoid the fighting?

Answer 17

I have irish twins (2 kids really close together).  They are 13 months apart.  Whomever has the toy first, when the other one wants it I say Joel's turn.  Then try to get Reed playing with something else.  When Joel puts it down, I say Reed's turn.  Believe it or not as simple as this is after only 2 weeks of this they rarely compete for the same toy anymore.  We started this 1 yr ago.  My boys are now 34 and 21 months

Answer 18

I would not let them fight it out.  Toddlers don't have enough self control.

Answer 19

go for it.  they are going to have to learn to share.  if there is no blood, they will work it out.

Answer 20

No, it is not a good idea to let children fight. It is your job as a parent to teach them how to share and how to get along with each other.

Fighting only proves that one is stronger than the other.