Do I move back to my home town for a temporary time period, or stay with my new town with husband?

Question

So my husband and I have one child and one on the way. Things financially are a mess. The bills are being paid but right at the last moment. We have reached into savings to pay credit bills a few times, so we can get it low and eventually fully paid off. The problem is, we both have those dreaded school loans that we haven't really made any substantial payments on. I have much more payments to make than my husband, since his parents paid for a full three years of his college tuition. At the moment I stay home with my daughter, and have been desperately looking for a job. It is very hard to find one that will hire me, where I won't be paying the childcare dollar for dollar from my pay check. (we live in one of the biggest cities in the us, everything is expensive here). My family has offered me to come back for a while and they would offer me free childcare as I work, save and pay my debt. My husband on the other hand, doensn't want that, and he has actually chose to take up Jui Jistsue that cost a thousand plus a year, when he wont even pay his loans or call the loan co. to work something out with them. I am getting tired of waiting for this man. He keeps getting second jobs, that he keeps for a small amount of time, initially claiming they will save us financially. I am ready to move back to my family's (not to split up or divorce, but to help myself where my husband won't and can't).

Is this a good idea, or is it not very supportive? Should I be there for my husband, more than myself, or should I handle my debt since no one else will?

Thank you for your opinions.

Answer 1

When my wife and I started out, we ate hot dogs, chicken patties, anything that was cheap until we paid off the college loans.  We drove fairly cheap cars and only got a 2nd one after she started working.  She dropped me off for a while until we could get one.  

There is an author out there, Dave Ramsey, who teaches you how to get out of debt and live debt free.  Find some of his books and read them.  He is on TV every night too, not sure what channel though.  

You both have to get on the same page, until you both agree on a budget and stick to it, it won't work.  Don't go home to mommy, you're just running from the problem.  Stick together and you will end up as a stronger couple.  You can do it, millions do every day.  Just stick with it.

Answer 2

When you married, it was for richer and for poorer. I say the bills will always be there and more will arise as life goes by. Though you should examine whether or not your are actually LOOKING for a reason to separate....At least he makes an effort to look for a second job to fund his expenses. In this day and age, trust me, we are ALL broke, and I am in the same boat you are. Our savings are depleted, all our money goes to daycare, our Ford Explorer is a real gas guzzler and we have no family at all to help us out. Our only blessing is our jobs and the fact that we have one another. I love my husband dearly and would rather have all the debt pile on me, than be without him and raise my daughter without him.

My advice to you would be to hang in there, (if that is what you want), try to find a way to manage your bills and keep your head up. As long as you guys have eachother, it will be that much easier.  Feel free to contact me if you need to talk.

Answer 3

Don't listen to Mark M.  He is soliciting business and answers all the questions with that same answer.  

You are saying should you be there for your husband.  Is he there for you?  He is spending money on martial arts training.  Why?  You said he takes second jobs claiming they will save you financially, yet you said he won't pay his student loans.

He sounds immature and irresponsible at the moment.  Maybe a short break would help.  Go to your parents and let them help with the child care while you catch up with payments.  Tell him to stop the training and live frugally for a while.

Good luck