Do I need to forgive and forget?

Question

This is a long one...sorry, but there needs to be some background.

I'm engaged with an amazing baby. I love my fiance, and for the most part his family. But not his father. His father from the moment I have met him has been rude, inappropriate...just a jerk to keep it short. He cheated on my fiances mother when the kids were young, left them, never paid child support, had/has a terrible drug addiction (that he fights, stays clean for a bit, but always relapses). With me personally he has never treated me with respect. The rest of my fiances family loves me...his father always told him to run before I tied him down, etc. Worse being when our child was born my fiances father told his whole family that the baby wasn't my fiances (no one believed him, but its the principle of it)

Everyone in the family just kind of "accepts" this attitude just saying "its him". I grew up in a different environment...this behavior is not acceptable. I do no respect his father and do not want my child around him. This wasn't a real issue until his mother has gotten back with the ex AGAIN. His mother is a great woman, apparently just weak. I no longer want my baby around her because "he" has moved back in with her (with no job, just mooching again)

Am I wrong? Everyone thinks as long as grandma is there is shouldn't matter. But this man has wronged everyone over and over again. I don't want him in my daughters life period.

I didn't even touch on all the things he has done and said. And my fiance just says...he doesn't respect his father...but his father is his father and there is nothing he can do about it. I fear this is going to tear us apart. Any insight?

Answer 1

Don't let this tear you apart... you're marrying him, not his father. And I do think you're going too far in saying you don't want your child around the grandmother at all. Don't blame her for having a poor choice in men. Keep him away from the grandfather, by all means, but her too?

Given that his behavior is not acceptable, what do you expect everyone to do? Throw this man out of their lives because you are suddenly in it? Or are you just going to throw hissy fits and deny everyone else seeing your kids and future kids because you don't like him?

Answer 2

your right it is his father there is nothing he can do about it i can see aswell as you that this is going to cause problems unless it is resolved staright away he cant take back the things he has said and done but he should try making them better and start treating people with respect maybe hes trying to better his life and you shouldnt let it ruin your relationship or the bond you have with his mother they shouldnt suffer for his wrong doing sit them down and explain to them how u feelif they understand then maybe you could work something out between you in order of thye mother seeing the baby

well i really do hope this all works out for you x

Answer 3

On the basis of his being a drug addict, you are completely correct in keeping the baby away from him. Father or no father, a druggie cannot be around a child, period.

Answer 4

I think that you need to forgive, you will never forget.  Just be happy that your husband to be is not a jerk like his father...