Do I need to "coddle" a kid in order to be a good parent?

Question

I dont have kids, but people say coddling is a good thing. But I dont know if I want to do that. I am very impersonal.

So do I?

Answer 1

it comes easy when they are baby's because you have to care for them that way, iam very impersonal myself but after i had my daughter i started coddling more, she's 8 now and if we do coddle its just for a little while. I dont think that makes me a bad parent, as long as she knows she is loved i think everything is fine.

Answer 2

I think at a very young age its a must. As they get older, still yes, but not as much as you dont want them to be too attached.

Its part of being a mummy. Its not that I feel I have too, just comes naturally

Answer 3

There's a difference between "coddling" and "cuddling".  If you really mean "coddling", then no.  Coddling is to be overbearingly soft towards someone, to the point of hobbling their progress.  Coddling includes: Cleaning your 15-year-old's room, allowing your children to slam the door in your face, thinking it's okay for your kids to tell you to 'shut up', etc.  

As for cuddling, I know people that aren't particularly affectionate with anyone else EXCEPT their own kids, so I don't think it'll be a problem.  Now, if your baby is crying and you can't bring yourself to hold them then there's a problem.

EDIT: amyhpete

"The only danger is if they have some trouble down the road and seek out a therapist only to get some bippy hippy who says all their trouble comes from their parents not hugging them enough. Then you may get a confrontational phone call."

Yes, because God forbid a parent be wrong about anything.  You can grow up to be self-reliant and strong even if your parents are warm and loving.  If you grew up never being hugged or shown any type of affection, how can that be good?  I don't believe in "coddling"; I believe in "cuddling", especially when the child is young.  Kids need that, not some formal nod and grunt in their direction.

Answer 4

Coddle, as in spoiling? That is not parenting that is trying to be a buddy by giving what they want when they want it. As a parent you understand that loving your child sometimes means saying NO and meaning it. It means the harder things like insisting on a normal set bedtime, going to the doctor and dentist, getting shots, doing homework and staying in school, not hanging around the wrong sort of people that are bad influences or doing drugs, limiting TV and computer time, making sure they eat their veggies and healthy food. It means standing up for your child in adversity, teaching them good values and a work ethic, responsibility and many other things. Parenting is not all sunshine and flowers all the  time.

Coddling a child by giving in to every whimper and whine all the time is NOT parenting. It's irresponsible.

Someday when you have kids you'll understand that.

Answer 5

My son is 14 months old and very attatched to me. Now there is fine line between coddling and just being a loving mommy. I held him all the time when he was just a baby and tell him I love him all the time. But i have never ever coddled him. I disagree with it. they need to be able to explore and sure they get a few bruises but it is a learning experience for them. My mother-n-law coddles all the time. he eats while sitting in her lap. he will take 2 steps and then she picks him up because she doesnt want him to fall. anyways loving your child is a great thing...coddling however.. noway.

Answer 6

Depends on the age.  Babies and infants need the coddling! However, I teach junior high, and it's amazing what some parents still do for their kids- it's a wonder they can wipe their own bums!  I've found that if the coddling lasts too long, you tend to wind up with a kid who can't do anything for themselves.

http://in.rediff.com/getahead/2007/feb/2...

...and there is a difference between coddle and cuddle!!

Answer 7

Coddling is one thing- which frankly I think is detrimental as it indicates you are protecting and shielding the kid from reality and constantly making excuses for his/her behaviour- but being a warm and compassionate person is another thing. My mother was neither warm not compassionate and it was a tough childhood. She and my father provided me with everything physically that they could but they were not ones to say 'We're so proud of you!' or offer hugs and kisses on a daily basis. To be a good parent you must lay that ground work early-on. You can't expect your children to have a lifelong relationship with you if you never nurture it in the beginning. For example- if you aren't open and caring with your kids the last person in the world they're going to want to talk to about s*x, drugs and other important things is you...they'll get that information from people who 'validate' them which will likely be their friends.

There's a fine line between coddling and over-protecting and being a caring parent who shows affection.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

Of course not. Many children grew up with parents who were emotionally distant and they turned out fine -- self reliant and independent and FINE. You can love and care for your children very much by providing for them and simply not be a cuddly person. Your kids will simply accept it.

The only danger is if they have some trouble down the road and seek out a therapist only to get some bippy hippy who says all their trouble comes from their parents not hugging them enough. Then you may get a confrontational phone call.

So...the usual word on the street is kids need lots of praise and physical affection. I believe if you had kids they would be the kids you were meant to have and you would be the parent they needed and it would all work out.

Answer 9

I think it would be different if it was your child, you wouldn't feel impersonal towards them, they are a part of you.  And I believe that coddling is very important, a parent should always let their child know how much they love them by telling them and also showing them with lots of hugs and kisses.  My fathers parents when he was growing up never told him they loved him, or his siblings either...they just didn't and well my dad did suffer from this and he ALWAYS makes sure to tell me he loves me because he never heard it or was shown it while growing up.