Do I need to send a wedding gift when i never see or talk to her?

Question

My cousin is getting married and mum and I got an invitation less than a month before the wedding. She has lived with this guy for a few years (4) and they have 2 children already. She lives about 5 hours away from us so we are not attending (esp with the short notice).

We have seen my cousin (her niece) twice, in the last 15 yrs and do not talk with her either (altho we just got in touch on facebook) - other than those 2 times we have seen her we have no communication.

What is the ettiquette for this? Should we be sending a gift or just sending a congrats card? I don't want to be cheap (cuz I'm not) but it seems silly to give my money away to someone (I myself have 3 children) I won't hear from for another few years unless we head out that way for holidays (she has never come to see us since she has been an 'adult').

Don't want to cause a family drama but.. what should we do?

Thanks

Answer 1

You never have to give a gift.  Send a beautiful card and put in a note of happiness.  If you and Mum received a joint invitation, you can even send one card.  Mum can send a gift because this is a child of a sister, brother, or in-law of the same rank.  You don't have to.

Answer 2

they have been living together and have a couple kids...

I find it rather odd to be sending out invitations...

Answer 3

If you're not going to the wedding, then no, you do not need to send a gift. But if you do go to the wedding, then yes, you need to send a gift.

It would be polite, in any case, to send a note with your best wishes.

Hope this helps!

Answer 4

Just send a congrats card.

Answer 5

From your explanation, your relationship seems distant, though you are cousins. You don't have to send any gift, but if your mind tells you to send a gift, go ahead (afterall she is still your cousin). However, if you don't feel like getting her any gift, send a congratulatory card to wish her well in her marital life. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

I would send a card with best wishes. I see know reason to send a gift. The nature of your relationship seems distant and it sounds like she and her partner are very settled and established with their home/children with know real need for the usual wedding gifts.