Do I really have bad manners?

Question

I am leaving the US to stay in my home country.

When the elder Americans see me. First thing they say is "Oh, I am sorry! " I don't understand why people say "Sorry"!?! I am happy to go back home and see my parents.

I always smile and respond to them, you should not be sorry. You should wish me luck and be happy for me to go back home and see my parents.

They were silient. It made me think I was doing something wrong.

Do I have bad manners for Western cultures?

If you were I how do you approach this? Thank you so much!

Answer 1

USA Think they are the best so feel bad for anyone having to leave the best. oh well, i think it sucks. and couldnt wait to get out. just matter of opinion. not manners.

Answer 2

You haven't done anything wrong, it's them and their condescending attitude that's at fault.

Answer 3

You don't have bad manners.  The people who said "sorry" are the ones with the bad manners.  They should have just wished you luck.  Hope you have a safe trip.

Answer 4

Maybe they like you and will miss you?

You are cute so that's not hard to imagine.

Answer 5

Hi. I think the fact you are concerned with your manners, shows they are good. You are confusing manners with being outspoken. Some people cannot deal with that, and do not know how to respond. If it bothers you, maybe rephrase it a bit like... Thanks for being concerned, but I am actually glad to go home and see my family. That is the same answer, but it allows people to feel comfortable and respond. I hope that helps. I do wish you luck, and I hope you have a pleasant trip.

Answer 6

i dont think you have bad manners i think that they may have misunderstood you. maybe they thought you had no intentions of going back to your home country and were like "im sorry you have to", you know what im saying? but in actuallity you ment that you were glad to be going back. :)

Answer 7

Sorry you are going means, "I am sorry you are going, I will miss you".

I am amazed that young Americans don't even know it is polite to say this. It is no surprise that some people see your question as yet another opportunity to criticize America and Americans.

For example, at a party:

A: I am are going home, I have homework to do.

B: Oh, really? I'm sorry to hear that. I wish you could stay the party is just starting.

It is polite to say you are sorry for someone's departure.

Answer 8

I guess it is incomprehensible to some Americans that anyone would willingly leave this great land of ours.  But think about it:  if I lived abroad, as wonderful as my adventures might have been, I am sure I would sooner or later want to go back home.

Answer 9

No, your manners are fine. We're just so used to people clamoring and risking everything to come to this country that it's a little surprising to see someone voluntarily leaving. . .

Good Luck to you.

Answer 10

Well, instead of assuming what they meant by "sorry", which could be "I'll miss you", why not ask them WHY in the response?

They say sorry, so why not ask "why are you sorry,? I'll be happy to go home and see my family"

You may get a response like.. "Oh I'm sure you will be happy and I do hope you have a great  journey, I just thought you may miss it here.. " or something.  In which case this opens you open to say WHY you want to go home and how excited you are, etc.

Instead of telling them "do not be sorry" -- they are probably silent for many reasons, perhaps realizing they were the ones being rude or thinking you assume they are being rude to you. -- Just ASK them WHY they are sorry and that YOU will be happy to go home.  

Plus -- by the way you said that "you should not be sorry. you should wish me luck.. etc"  Telling people how to feel or what to say never goes over well with them, especially old people.

However, correcting them by asking them a question tends to end the silence and confusion and any sense that you were rude.

Hope I helped!  And I do hope you enjoy your journey.

Answer 11

I wouldn't say you have bad manners. When two cultures communicate simple things can be misunderstood. Sometimes people don't what to say or how to say it. Just like certain things mean different things in each culture. Please don't be offended by others, as they shouldn't with you. Have a safe trip.

Answer 12

Ok, I'm sorry you're not able to stay in our wonderful country longer!  or.... I'm sorry you're not able to stay longer so I could get to know you better!  That's being RUDE???

It depends on how you state your departure.  If you tell these "elders" you are going back home, do you say it like you are eager to see your family?  Or do you state it in a monotone droll?

The only reason anyone would express their condolences, (i.e saying "I'm sorry") is they are

trying to show compassion, NOT BEING RUDE, for your situation.  It depends on HOW you told them.  They may have inferred that you are unhappy to leave, so they say they are sorry to hear you have to leave.  

WHY IS THAT RUDE????

Those that say the "elders" were rude don't have a clue and are eager to jump to conclusions and ASSUME the MOST negative!

Sorry, but this adult disagrees with those juvenile answers!  DON'T ASSUME people are "RUDE", just because you don't understand their response!

There is NOTHING "RUDE" about saying one is sorry!  If anything, YOU should apologize for NOT making it clear that you are actually looking FORWARD to being reunited with your family!!

Answer 13

What the elders said was really rude. If I were you, I would do what you did, smile stiffly at them and immediately get away from them.

Answer 14

maybe theyre saying sorry since they think you dont want to go back or that they think america is soooo great and they think that america is better than your home country.

i really dont know im just guessing

hope it helps =D

Answer 15

Dear Hope,

              The elders who say they are sorry probably just mean they are sorry to hear you are leaving because they'll miss you . Maybe they even think you can't stay in the country any longer. i'm sure they still wish you luck though!

Answer 16

You have to understand that most Americans, particularly the elder ones, were brought up to believe that there is nowhere better than their country. As a result very few Americans take the trouble to find out for themselves how the rest of the world lives. They simply assume, wrongly for the most part, that everywhere else must somehow be inferior to their own United States.

Of course there is no excuse for this sort of ignorance, and it can be insulting when you encounter it for the first time. All you can do is just smile politely and leave them to their prejudice.