Do I sound demanding, controlling or unreasonable?

Question

I got some great suggestions I'm going to try tonight with a problem I have with my husband. He spends all of his free time with his friend and I never spend alone time with him...

I am curious to what someone else would think about this suggestion...

I don't know if I sound controlling. Would it be unreasonable to ask my husband that if he has a day off from work and spends it with his friend, that the friend is not to spend the evening with us when I got home?

Also, I want to ask my husband if we can spend Sundays with family. That can be just the two of us or family events. No friends.

The last thing I want, if he spends time on Saturday with this friend, to ask my husband NOT to have him there in the evening.

I just want to know what people thought of my ideas or if I sound demanding and controlling.

The situation recap: His friend is there all weekend and there every evening after I get out of work. My husband tells his friend to go home around 9pm, but it doesn't solve the problem.

He also invites his friend to go with us when we have to run errands for the household. Sometimes he will call his friend and invite him up without telling me. If he is bored and doesn't want to sit around to talk to me, he calls his friend and all the do is sit around and talk...

Answer 1

just try to sound nice when u say these things

Answer 2

I would start with Sundays, then maybe add 1-2 evenings a week that were friend free. I would let them have all day and night Saturday. Doing all those suggestions at once. may be too much separation at once (since they seem to be together a lot right now). Once Sundays were working for a few weeks then I would add maybe Tuesday evenings, then a few weeks add Thursday evenings. That way it's more of a transition.

Answer 3

Are they g*y?  I would be pissed if my husband had someone over all the time.  I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, ask him why he married you if he doesn't want to spend time with you.

Answer 4

Expecting your spouse to put you first and his friends second is not controlling, demanding or unreasonable. But honestly, if you need to make appointments to see your husband, and if he doesn't understand that having a friend at the house every day is not normal behavior, you will come off as "controlling" no matter how you present it or how reasonable your requests are. He doesn't seem to grasp the proper way to feel and behave towards the spouse - he seems stuck in an adolescent reality. So when you ask him to change his ways, you *will* be trying to control him by steering him towards proper behavior - in the same way that you control your kids when you make sure they do their homework instead of playing video games. And just as kids rebel and accuse you of being "controlling", so will your husband. You need to figure out for yourself if this is a battle worth fighting.

Answer 5

It all depends on how you present it.  

My suggestion is to talk about it after great s*x.  Like really great s*x.  Then you are sure to get an agreement.

Answer 6

Urgh, that's pretty messed up. You sound very reasonable, tell your husband to lose the boyfriend! :P

Answer 7

Not demanding at all...  Stand up & be heard or sit back down & accept! - your choice...

Answer 8

I have a problem with how you are wording it. I don't have a problem with your request. I think it is sensible, fair, and appropriate.

Here is what I suggest and you decide what you like.

Sweetheart, would it be alright with you if it was just the two of us in the evenings and that Sunday could be our family day?

Honey, I want you to have time with your friends but I feel like our relationship is being pushed to the backburner. Is it unreasonable to ask that the evenings are for us and that Sundays are our family day?  

Answer 9

Not unreasonable.  You've hardly asked him to get rid of his buddy, just to lay off a bit.

PS I'm sure that friend is quite single, and you've all ready tried your best to introduce him to someone to get him out of your hair!

Answer 10

No, your not being unreasonable at all! That would annoy me to no end if there was someone else around all the time! That's not cool.