Do I stay or do I go, meaning, leave my marriage?

Question

my husband is really mean to me. we have a 2 year old son, and our relations tohip as husband and wife has deterioted..we dont speak nicely one another. i am stay home, mom, living in the his apt .he had it before we got married, so legally it is his. i was a teacher and not ready to go back to work right now, rputting our son in daycare or a nanny,,,we also live in a one bedroom.very cramped. our son sleeps in our room and sometimes in our bed. my bed, really bec my husband snores so much he sleeps on the couch as not to wake our son. he took a baseball bat to the tv the other week. i called the cops, he ran away and then came back, telling me he cant trust ME bec i called the cops on him and it was HIS TV and HE can break it if he wants. total psycho. i am not in danger, nor is our son. should i stay or go? please. no unproductive remarks. thanks

Answer 1

my honest opinion is that no one can tell you to stay or to go.  But in saying that abuse doesnt just have to endanger u on a physical level  its emotional aswell.  Your son is only two an sees this kind of anger and outbursts how would u feel if he grew up an began doin the same things that ur husband is doin, or was to treat his partner the same way that u are being treated, kids are very impressionable an by staying with him your are saying to ur son that what his father is doing is an acceptable behaviour.  Im sorry if this is confronting but his way of saying that it is your fault that you called the cops you obviously called them because them cos u were afraid and this is his way of trying to control you.  And if this is what he is doing now just what can it become how much worse will he get will he eventually hurt u an place u in a much greater danger you or your son.

Just think everything thru thoroughly i know what i would be doing but i wont sit here an tell you what to do that is your choice just be careful an do what u think is best what do you deserve out of life and what kind of life do you want for you and your son, what kind of example would you like to set for your son.  Just remember kids are the innocents of the world

I hope i have helped

Good Luck

Answer 2

If you're not in danger, then work on getting a job.  It might take a while, but do your best.  Then I think you should get a divorce.  If you aren't able to get along, then you need a divorce  : (

Answer 3

I would go get your house or apartment for you and your son, or stay with family member or a good girlfriend till you can get a job and save up enough money to get your own place. Then I would file for a divorce and a protective order too. That way he can't come near you or hurt you in any way. Plus I would have his visits supervised with your son, so he can't hurt him either or worst take him and go out of state with him.

Answer 4

Girl I would stay jobs are hard to find these days and a man who is willing to let you be a stay at home mom is even harder to find. Breaking up your family will hurt everyone involved but your son will suffer. I agree he use poor judgment breaking the TV, and it scared you enough to call the police. Now you said some thing very important he has never hurt you or your son by violence.

So there must be some real frustration bothering him. You husband and you need to sleep together. Get a queen size sofa couch bed and sleep with him after your son falls asleep in your bed. You husband may feel like he is left out he just works to pay the bills and live on the couch. In this time of foreclosure and so many people loosing their homes it is good you have one and see if you and he can talk in a public place like a sit down restaurant so that voices will be kept at an even tone and just talk about how you feel do not be down and hard, other wise he will not want to talk.

The most important part of communication is listening.

Answer 5

That kind of outburst of rage is not a good sign.  I've been doing alot of research lately and it sounds like he may have control issues.  Although he didn't hit you or your son, his outburst is a way of scaring you, so that you start thinking, "if he did that to the tv, he might do something to me or my son one day." I would read this article: http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/l...

Answer 6

Yes. You are in danger. And don't buy that stuff about it being "his" apartment. You live there. He can't just make you get out. Right now, call your local women's center for advice, information on options, how to bail if you com around to seeing how danger it is, etc. 3-1-1 can give you the number of connect you.  

Answer 7

I know being a single mother is a scary thing, I am a stay-at-home mom of four and I know that fear although I am in a very stable marriage but I think you either need to seek some very strong counseling or you need to go your own way.  You sound like you have the means to take care of you and your son and you need to decide if staying in this situation or leaving it would be best for you and him.  It doesn't sound like your son is in a very good environment w/all that anger.  Good luck to you both.

Answer 8

If he broke a tv with a baseball bat, you probably should go just because he may have issues that are escalating - he may be using drugs, he may be drinking, he may be in a stressful situation that is just getting worse. You can put your son in daycare, go back to work and tell your husband that you are not going to move back in with him until you feel that he has straightened out all those issues - which you two have discussed in marriage counseling together. If he's not willing to go to marriage counseling, I would say the marriage is over since he's not willing to work on it. You should definitely not be in any rush to move back in with him. A man with such a violent temper could harm you, yes, and more important, he could harm you AND your son. Your son is too young to appreciate this but he relies on you to protect him and you can't protect him from a violent man like your husband if he suddenly is out of control.

  You started by saying your husband is really mean to you. That should tell you something. I normally think 'mean' is a relative term but in this case, he is violent. So 'mean' and 'violent' together are a bad combination.

   By the way, it doesn't matter that the apartment was his before you married. You are his wife. Talk to a lawyer and learn what it is that is allocated legally in a divorce.

   I think you could be in danger. If you couldn't stop him from breaking the TV, you couldn't stop him from breaking your arm or your legs if he lost his temper and hurt you.

Answer 9

GO.  

Answer 10

yes leave! first get a job & save some money. then leave his *** cause thats not cool for him 2 be saying things like that. u his wife so whats his is yours & if he can't see that then u don't need it & if your not happy. just go!

Answer 11

It does not sound like a safe environment to bring up a child.

If he allows himself to throw tantrums and set a bat at a TV set, you are in line for a punch sooner or later.

It does not sound like a safe environment for anybody. Get out and try and live a normal life, with no such violence around.

It is possible.

Believe in yourself, and start working for yourself and your child.

You both need that.

Good luck.

Answer 12

Your his an that boy is his too.  Nothing in that apartment is yours, be a good woman and do as he says.

Answer 13

It sounds like you need to go back to work.

File for a divorce and you'll get child support to help you with the care of your son. Life isn't perfect, but it's not healthy to raise a child in an atmosphere where your husband is is destroying the TV with a baseball bat and the cops being called. Sorry your life is far from perfect, but you're a teacher so you can support yourself better then most.