Do You Have Family Members that just Wants You to Feel Sorry for Them?

Question

How do you deal with it?

I have this mother-in-law. All she does when people are around her is talk about herself and her problems. She doesn't ask people how they are either. Also, when someone gives advice for her problems, she never listens. She never reads up on things either. It sounds as though she creates her own problems and wants people to feel sorry for her because she is insecure. Do you know anyone like this? She even bad mouths her son and I when we really have done nothing wrong. The rest of the family thinks this to get attention. My husband and I have helped her by leaps and bounds. She likes to control other also.

She is jealous of me because I am pregnant and I might need more attention than she now. When I speak to her, she never asked how I am feeling or how the baby-to-be is feeling. It's insulting. I worry that she will get very jealous when baby is born.

Answer 1

yea i have an aunt & uncle who think they need more attention because things are tight for them and them with 8 kids. i dont give them pity much. i just change the subject or ignore them if they talk about how horrible life is.  

Answer 2

ignore her go live with ur husband or the baby's dad ... if imposibble  go live with ur realatives unt uncle

Answer 3

hopefully the baby will change HER, I thnk it will.

Yeah my moms like that

always negative....

just let her no you are hear to stay ad let her no that you want her to be in the childs life!!!!

have yo ever seen the movie monster\-inlaw (with j-lo)

you should watch it

its so your story..lol!

Answer 4

Some people are like that.

Answer 5

no i dont but i come across people like this at work and other places...when she complains of her woes..instead of keeping mum...u start whining too...exactly where she left off....say...she says..oh when my kids were young i had to cut firewood for them..etc(just an example)..here's where u cut in..u say...i know exactly how that feels..my parents used to show me their bruised hands..etc...dont let anyone control u....either whine or steer the topic away from her to something else

Answer 6

my cousin is like this exactly, and its sad because the whole family is aware of her acting like this and has distanced themselves form her. im sure she will become jealous once the baby is there, but all you can do is ignore her, and hope that she would want her grandchild to have alot of attention and maybe she will stop being as demanding when it comes to attention...

Answer 7

I have extended family members that may be like this. It is annoying because they tend to think they are the only ones with problems, right? The center of the universe syndrome. It's hard to feel sorry for people that like to wallow in self-pity over and over. Sooner or later you either need to be quiet or do something. She might. I would try to limit contact with her as much as reasonable. It's ok to be assertive and stand up for yourself. But maybe she is depressed. Maybe she needs to see her doctor. Get your husband to see what he can do to help her.

Answer 8

Just don't bother on asking her anything. If you know that she is doing this to get attention (which is sick) then don't pay attention. If she gets jealous about your baby (when is born)  (and if she does something wrong) then put her in her place. We get tired about people talking nonsense and when we want to help them they don't pay attention.

Answer 9

Yes my Grandmother is like that..Before my Grandfather passed away  She would sit at the bar for hours on end and tell anyone that would listen how she had to take care of her husband ( My Grandfather) helping him dress, cooking for him, taking him to his doctors appointments and on and on.. When in actuality I was the one that did everything for him including putting him to bed, giving him his meds and taking him to all his appointments and purchasing all the food for the house and paying all the bills.. She did nothing but sit at the bar.. You would think that those people would have put two and two together

Answer 10

yes i do , my granmother , and my mom but my grandma is bipolar and is going to the hospital. And no one wants to be around my mom cause of this. I try to help her of course but after a while I cant deal with it anymore, its just too much stress and one guilt trip after the other. All's I do is ignore , or try and make her feel better

Answer 11

She is jealous of you and your unborn child.  You and your husband should move away from her if you intend to stay together and raise your family in peace.  She is grown and should have the sense God gave her to leave you alone, but unfortunately, that doesn't always happen with parents.  She will live without you and your husband around her all the time.  She will also destroy your marriage if you are around her for much longer.  

Answer 12

She is an attention fiend!  I would stay away as much as possible.  Let your husband deal with her.  You are pregnant and don't need any additional stress.  

When she calls, interrupt her by telling her something like you have something cooking or you were just heading out.  Don't call her back later and don't promise to do so.  She may start to get the hint.

If she doesn't get the hint, then you may have to be more direct.  Write her a letter.  Take your time in writing it.  Record specific times she has hurt your feelings or made you feel less important.  Don't just ramble on and on.  Say somthing like, "I feel you are a very selfish person.  One reason is because when..." and so on.

If that doesn't work, you could try to get everyone else who feels that way to do an intervention.  If she doesn't break this habit, she will eventually end up all alone.  I'm curious...is she married?  If she is a widow or divorced, that may be contributing towards her behavior.

Good luck!

Answer 13

HAHA I was going to answer mother-in-law too. She feeds off sympathy from others.