Do You Think It's Rude To Not Show Up At A Birtday Party Without a gift or a card?

Question

Now, I can care less about gifts and toys(they just crowd up my house!), but I think a handmade card is common curtsey at a birthday party if you don't buy a gift.

My son recently had his 6th birthday party. Two children showed up with nothing. They showed up after all of the activities were done(which I later learned they'd done on purpose from their mother)and just stayed for pizza and cake, grabbed their goodybags and left. No card, no nothing.

Now I'm not trying to raise spoiled, greedy kids, but me and my son noticed that niether of those kids brought as much as a homemade card. Now, I don't know their financial story, but according to my son, they told him right after he invited him to the party, that they just come to the party for food. I talked to their mom and asked if they were having some troubles at home, she said no. When I told her about the party and what they did, she said that she knows and she told them to do so. She told me that you should always do that(c)

Answer 1

I dont think it is rude really.My son would rather have his friend there than to have a gift and on many occasions we have had people who were unable to come to the party since they couldnt afford a gift.While it is nice to take the time to make a card or buy a card a 6 year old really could care less about a card.So as long as the kids were respectful and your son had a good time then that is all that matters.What is a few more peices of cake and pizza.

Answer 2

If the kids wanted or needed to eat I think you should feed them.  Quit being so petty.

Answer 3

Of course it was rude.   You know that.

There was a family in our church that we knew was struggling to feed their 7 kids.  Business was not going well, etc.

So Daddy took them to the dollar store and bought 3-4 silly but interesting toys...like a pair of lighted up glassesf.  You can read anywhere and it would light your way.

My son enjoyed those toys more than all the rest.

I make it a habit to spend as much on the gift as the mom would have spent including my child in her party.   Games, party bags, pizza, cake?  I'd have spent at least $25, $35 for two kids.

TX Mom

Answer 4

that is rude , it would make more sense if it was an adults party , but when it comes to dealing with children you must always bring or a gift and if for some reason you cant then just dont go at all .

Answer 5

Thats wicked rude. They could have made cards for him. It takes like 3mins to make a card.

Answer 6

Totally rude! My daughter likes to pick out the perfect gift for her friends. She makes them cards sometimes, but most of the time we buy one and she draws a picture of her and the kid on the blank side of the card. I don't care if the kid having the party has every toy there is, you still bring a present.

If you can't afford a present, don't go, or at LEAST make a card or picture for them!

Answer 7

To me,its rude....especially if they tell you they only came for food..my suggestion,let it slide...just dont invite them anymore....=]

Answer 8

You're definitely not over reacting. I agree that most kids have way too much stuff already, but to not show up with anything is extremely rude! And just coming to your son's party for the food and goody bag? I mean come on, how could their mom let them do that?

Answer 9

It's very rude.  That parent has no common sense.  Hopefully you won't have to deal with her again.

Answer 10

I think it's rude. I would have been upset too. Just don't invite them to a party again. The party is to come and have fun and honor the birthday person. Not just to come and eat your food.

Answer 11

No, I agree, I think it is rude. The least their parent's could have done was to buy them a card to give to your son. It's rude, definitely.

Answer 12

I think that's just down-right greedy and rude. There's nothing you can do but not invite them next year.

Answer 13

they obviously got their rudeness from their mother.  in the future you might want to consider just not to inviting them to any more social functions.

Answer 14

I agree that is rude, because if they have birthday parties I'm sure they would want gifts. Its just what people do for birthday parties, bring gifts. They don't have to be really expensive, but I'm sure she could have managed to have bought your child a $5-10 gift, if not then a card. If she didn't its just lazy and rude. I understand your outlook on it and agree with you completely.

Answer 15

it's beyond rude and into the world of bizarre.

don't hold it against the kids, though.

Answer 16

I agree with you.  That's just a little weird.  I'd feel the same way.  I'd understand if they were poor and had no money...but they are just there for the pizza and cake!!!  Those are going to be some rotten kids she's raising.

Answer 17

I think it is rude because you were kind enough to invite them and they cant make a card? Maybe next year you shouldn't waste your time to invite them. See what they think about that.

Answer 18

It's not the kids' fault, of course; it's the mom's fault.

Now when you invite somebody for a party, you are not saying they have to bring anything.  On the other hand, it is rude for their mom to do that without a good reason.  

However, it is also rude for you to bring the subject up.  You have to assume that there is a good reason, and you don't want to embarrass your guest by asking.

Now, obviously this mom is a jerk.  It's up to you whether you invite the boys again.  Base your decision on whether your child likes them, not on whether they bring a present.

Answer 19

i have came across moms that have gave answers such as this moms just because the other mom was rude and brought the subject up to the other. to the other side you bringing it up implies that you are a snob and she is justifying her actions even if it isnt polite.

but if she normally behaves this way then why are you asking our opinions? you already know its rude behavior.

hopefull you will have minimal contact with her in the future but since your children and her children are in contact with each other you will probaly deal with her agian in the future.

make the best of it and keep your side of the slate clean.

Answer 20

it doesn't seem like the children aren't at fault here, so i wouldn't let that incident break apart their friendship with your son. i would just try to steer clear of the mom...

Answer 21

that is unacceptable and I would, in the future, close the door to the party after it has started.  I dont feel you have to bring a gift, as long as you bring your heart.  If there is love felt by the people in the room, the gift is already being given, however, this is not the case.  I would give people 15-20 minutes to be late and after that, answer the door, "sorry, the party has already begun.  We don't accept late company, it upsets my and then fill in the blank with gramma, dog, husband, kid, whoever you want to blame it on.  And dont invite them back.  You are celebrating your child's birth and if they are not prompt by at least a decent means, then their intent is not in his interests.

Answer 22

My son had his fourteenth birthday party yesterday.  About six of his friends showed up with nothing, ate a whole lot of food, and then left after dancing and partying for a while.  I would NEVER send my kids to another child's party without a gift.  That is just wrong and rude.  There is always dollar stores where you can find a present for a dollar.  Even if the boys would have all put together a dollar in the card each, that would have been acceptable.  It is the thought that counts, and some kids just don't have much I guess.

Answer 23

I would say that was definitely rude of the mother, but you shouldn't have pointed out the breach of etiquette to her, either.

Answer 24

i agre with you thats rude never invite those kids agian not even to your house that will teach em but mostly the mom thats not wat everone is doing when i go to  parties i always buy a gift

Answer 25

wow thats very rude!!!! and i can't believe the mom told you that!!!! wow.... i think if its your sisters house your going to and you really don't have the money then its fine, because your family and normally sisters not each others business,lol.. but the home made card is an awesome thing to do, when you don't have money!! there is a family member on my husbands side,she comes to pasrtys all the time, and no food,drinks,gifts, and she brings her 3 kids,her self, and husband to eat!!!! i think its rude and they have money to bring a 6 pack on soda!!!! anywho, i wouldn't let your kids around the others if those kids are veing raised like that form there mom, then there going to be no good!! i know there kids, but heck you gotta do what needs to be done.. You don't want your kids introuble because there friends say its ok to shoplift because there mom says its ok!!, well now i'm going overboard,lol... but yes i agree with you.

Answer 26

It is definitely rude to show up w/o a card, but it isn't rude to show up w/o a gift, at least if the birthday person doesn't want anything new b/c they are not materialistic.

Answer 27

There is no doubt that this is rude (and strange) behavior. I can tell that the mom is not a Miss Manners reader! A card is an absolute minimum requirement. Anyone can make a homemade card.

I think it is very strange that they told your son they would just come to the party for the food.

Answer 28

Stay away from them, they're jerky people. = (

Answer 29

It is extremely rude. My daughter is 4 and one of her friends' family is struggling financially.

At my daughters last birthday party this little girl was the first to show up and kept my daughter company until other kids arrived. They all had a ball playing (indoor play gym). When it came time for presents this little girl made my daughter the sweetest card, and you could tell she had put time into it, and her mother had written in it for her.

I think parents should teach their children that something simple and inexpensive can make a great gift when money is tight. And I don't think any mother should allow her children to just show up and eat all the food, take the goodie bags and run.

The point of a party is for all the children to have fun together. I guess next time I would suggest you give them pizza first, followed by the fun games and such, then the cake, followed by more playtime and activities, and goody bags as they leave. That way the kids can't just come for food and treats.