Do adoptees live in the past?

Question

don't you get tired of talking about this?

Answer 1

To paraphrase Heather - are archaeologists, genealogists, historians, paleontologists and astronomers living in the past?  If you study the Bible (or any other devotional text) on a daily basis - are you living in the past?

I'm just trying to change the present laws so that I can complete my family tree and give my doctors some family medical history other than a big "N/A".

I'm also here to help anyone and everyone who has questions, especially those who did not find out they were adopted until recently.  Imagine having a personal history with Chapter One getting erased and yet to be rewritten.  And then you also need to edit the rest of the chapters because your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends - all knew you were adopted - but you didn't.

When I get the material to rewrite Chapter One - I'll let you know.

Answer 2

If you're tired of it, don't let the door hit ya on the way out....

Answer 3

Yup I get tired of talking about it, but its defined me since i was born, but then I also get tired of hearing all the bullshit that gets spouted on every other subject going in life..be it parenting, husbands, wives, jobs, divorce, politics, religion, wealth, church..I mean come on its just another part of life

Its just not YOUR Life and therefore you dont understand WHY it gets talked about as much as it does..

But i bet there is something in your life that others would get *Tired* of listening too...

"There but for the grace of God"

Answer 4

No

Do historians, geneaologists, archeologists and all those good people get dumb questions like this too

I'm looking for my ancestry, heritage and truth of my origins, is all.  What's your problem?

Answer 5

Nope, it's a huge part of our lives and a part of us.

Answer 6

NO!! we dont live in the past at all! We live in the now, and want to know our origins! Is that a bad thing? Go and ask a serious question please.

Answer 7

Live in the past?

No - I live in the here and now.

Trouble is - adoption pain still hurts me now - and I'm not allowed to forget about it.

My daughter was admitted to hospital on Sunday with suspected appendicitis.

Once again - I could not fill them in on my medical history.

As I have no history.

(after 2 nts in hospital - she's now out - and feeling a whole lot better - thank goodness)

Do I get tired talking about this?

No - as I was told to shut-up about it for my entire childhood - and finally since reaching my mid 30's - I've found my voice - and I've finally found others that have felt so many of the weird and wacky things I have felt - like not completely fitting in anywhere etc. Oh the joy of being adopted!!

To talk - is empowering and very healing for the soul.

If you have a problem with adoptees speaking out - perhaps it's time to go elsewhere. As we don't intend to shut up anymore.

Answer 8

Sometimes I get tired of being adopted, tired of the pain its still causing me 20 years later. I'm tired of the same old feelings coming back again & again, and I'm tired of crying over the same things again & again. But I keep coming back to adoption forums, even this one, because I need to know I'm not alone, I need to know there are other people out there feeling the same way I do, still hurting long after the initial adoption.

Answer 9

You cannot lump all adoptees together.  Adoptees are individuals, and their lives, and their reaction to adoption, is just as varied as for anyone!  And if there is a need to talk about it, they should have that opportunity.  They did not make the decision to be adopted, their birth parents did.  So if talking about it helps them sort out their feelings and reactions, we must support that.  (Of course, anyone calling others in the adoption quad "bad" or blaming them is not tolerable to me.)

Answer 10

Nope, I live on the golf course with my crutches, waiting for George Bush to leave office.  Oh happy days.

Answer 11

I live in the present.  I am adopted, it is part of who I am and it's a puzzle for me to solve why it still hurts so much.  It's not in the past because I still have contact with the family who adopted and raised me, and they still consider me part of their family even though I don't feel like I am.  I have to deal with the feelings that I still have about being abandoned and the distrust that I have for the world in general.  All this is happening RIGHT NOW, not in the past.  

I think your question is one of those, "Why don't you just move on..." type questions that are so rude.  Who are YOU or anyone else to tell me when I need to move on?  If you're tired of hearing about it, stop posting questions and reading answers.  Very simple.  Why are you so interested in adoptees?  It's strange when you seem so hostile towards us, that you keep asking us questions.

Answer 12

No, I don't think adoptees live in the past. They just want answers to the past so they can move forward.

Answer 13

obviously you are not an adoptee or you would understand that we don't live in the past but most of us are trying to put all our lives together the past,present and future to someone who is not adopted you know your heritage and can pass it down the generations as an adoptee i cannot so do you think that this is fair i certainly do not how would you feel if you were asked your medical history or your children were (for example) and you had to say that you did not know

Answer 14

Do you mean do we get tired of talking to others who don't care?

Answer 15

yes.  be glad for the family you currently have, not the family you might have had.

Answer 16

hmmmm, i think i get it, you are saying we are always talking about how the loss of our biofamily has shaped our lives. right? how IF we were raised with them... or IF we knew this or that....

am i getting warm? well, do you go and stick your hand into a boiling pot of water? why not? probably because at some time you burned yourself and you know heat equals pain. now if you saw a child about to get burned, do you let them or do you tell them what you have learned-its hot, you will get hurt?

feeble analogy, but the root of it is the same, except we are not talking about a sore spot that will heal and go away-we are discussing our LIVES. the everyday stuff that is shaped around things we have learned.

now if we see someone that could get hurt, we tell them. if we see someone that something good has happened for them, we congradulate them. if we notice someone in pain and we share the same background, we try to relate and help them.

why? because we learned a thing or two in the past. our knowledge may be able to guide someone else to a path that they wont get burned on.

now that being said, if you are tired of our stories and checkered pasts, then there are plenty of other catagories to visit. but to come here, where adoption is very clearly the subject and try to make us feel bad for discussing adoption seems rather silly.

if you want to participate, great, welcome. but if all you want to do is belittle us for our past, then please find somewhere that holds more interest for you.

who knows, you may learn something if you give us a chance. even if that something is finding out you hate discussing adoption.

Answer 17

I have to agree with everyone else. Adoption is part of me, and me telling my story on here is not living in the past. People ask questions I answer.

Answer 18

I don't name call as a rule but this is the most ignorant thing I have heard all month. If your such a current events kind of person what are you doing here?

Answer 19

Living in the past can destroy you. And really what would you get out of that? Remember there is a present and you could start looking forward to the future.

Answer 20

As adoptees...adoption IS a part of our every day life.  It's not living in the past. It's just living life every day.

When my daughter called a couple weeks ago to ask me if we have a family history of lactose intolerance (in reference to MY granddaughter), well, yeah, I was happy I had an answer for her!

I found my birth mom in 1983 & birth dad in 1986.  I no longer feel "adopted" - which means, basically, that I'm no longer separated from my own heritage, genealogy, biology, history, or medical information.  Not just for myself, but for my children & their children (my grandkids).  

I still can't get a copy of my original birth certificate...the one that was issued between my birth up until I was adopted at age 3.  Even though I know the information ON that OBC. I can't 'legally' obtain a copy.  My birth mom wanted to get a copy for me before she died, but wasn't able to.  

I CAN get a copy of my own OBC...if I can persuade the woman who "un-adopted" me 3 days after my dad died in 1997 to sign a permission slip allowing me to have a copy of my birth certificate.  Oh, and I'll need to provide a copy of my adopted dad's death certificate, too.  

I know my own history, heritage, medical information.  Yet there are millions of adoptees who don't know theirs.  I suppose I should just shut up and be happy I have my own.  Why should I worry about anyone else's right to information?  

Thanks for putting it all in perspective for me!

And thanks for the question...

Answer 21

It's hard to live in your past when you don't know what your past is.  I won't get tired of talking about adoptees deserving the same rights that other citizens get.  I don't live in the past, I live in fear of the future.  I have already had an ovarian tumor, what other medical conditions run in my family that I don't know about.  What else do I have to look forward to?  I don't know, because I don't know my past.

Answer 22

no they don,t but people ask questions,you ansewer them

Answer 23

The past?  Of what are you speaking?  It's quite the present that I cannot go to the office of vital records and obtain a copy of my own record of birth upon request, just like non-adopted citizens.  Unless you would like to help adopted citizens regain their equal treatment under the law, of what concern is it to you, anyway?

Do I tire of talking about this?  Well, I'm on an adoption forum.  Of what else should I speak when I'm on an adoption forum?  I could ask the same of you, since the only subject I've ever known you to discuss is adoption.  

Ziggy, if you're not going to do anything that helps others, then get out of the way so the rest of us can move ahead to make adoption better for those in the future.  You're like a big boulder in the road to progress.

Answer 24

No,i don't get tired of talking about the fact i had to wait 29 years to know  of my own self.and i plan to spend the next 29 years + supporting and assisting those who are trying to find out who they are too.

I just don't get tired of trying to find out what non adopted people have the right to know from birth onwards......

Good luck with your perspective on life!