Do adoptees recomend adoption?

Question

Okay, in some of the answers that I have found adoptees do not recommend other people adopt or give up their children for adoption. What's up with that?

Answer 1

I would only recommend adopting out of foster care.

Too much money is made in any other form of adoption making it easy for the agencies, facilitators and lawyers to be unethical in their practices.  

Adoptees are not given their full civil rights.

The natural parents are often not given their full rights, either, and many times the natural father isn't notified or given legal opportunity to parent his child before the adoption is final.

Adoptive parents aren't given full information on raising an adopted child, it is NOT like raising your own bio-child, and IMHO they are way overcharged and taken advantage of too.  

If you REALLY want to do what's right for a CHILD, take in a foster child who is in need, or sponsor an orphan.

Answer 2

I was adopted.  I DO recomend adoption.  The best gift you can give your child is a loving stable home.  Do I think birth parents should be selected carfully, YES! Do I think Mother should meet them, YES! Do I believe in open adoption, NO!  Just my opinions.

Answer 3

I would say that is depends on the situation.

I would also say that it has to be done for the child and not for the mother.

If the mother feels that she couldnt give the child all it needs, then I say give it to someone who can give the child everything.

Nothing wrong with adoption

I dont agree with only adopting from foster homes. I think that every child deserves a chance of happines. Not just th fostered children.

Answer 4

Yes, as a very last resort and when it is essential.  Unfortunately this is not how adoption is practiced in the USA, sigh.

Answer 5

Hello--

I am adopted, and feel that putting a child up for adoption should be an extreme case; I'm a bit traditional in feeling that pregnancy should be planned as much as possible. Thus, putting a child up for adoption should be for a good reason--unable to support financially (but still, with the mother not having known before getting pregnant that she couldn't), illness in the mother, etc. It is always a better option than abortion, certainly.

On the receiving end, though, adoption is a great thing. Definitely adults should adopt children, for it is a wonderful and unique love that is different but just as great as that of a family that gives birth to their children.

So, definitely adopt, but only give up for adoption in an extreme case; it is your baby, and you knew you could possibly get pregnant, so plan ahead.

Sorry for the bias. :)

Also, as for the later comment that says there is pain for thinking that, "your Mother didn't want you" I would have to say I disagree to an extent. Some situations certainly are more painful than others, and mine was relatively easy (adopted at birth, never knew birth parents) so I do have some feelings of resentment, but it is not terrible pain constantly--just sometimes a little ache occasionally. It certainly hasn't ruined my life; if anything, I'm proud of it.

Answer 6

The adoptee loses his/her mother and entire family. The life-long effects of abandonment are harsh.

Answer 7

Yes I do recommend adoption. In fact I’m an adoptee that will hopefully adopt one day if I am able too.  I don’t think any would should have to pay a armload of money for a baby or child, therefore I think Private adoption should not exist or that they need to put a cap on it not go beyond say 25 grand even that is quite a bit of money.

Answer 8

"Do adoptees recommend adoption?"

THIS adoptee recommends adoption only as a last resort, when all other avenues for a child's best interests have been exhausted.  There are many alternatives to adoption that would benefit a child more.

Ignoring the bad is not emotionally healthy.  Ignoring the bad is exactly how the bad is perpetuated, generation after generation.  If you don't examine the bad, how can you possibly prevent it from happening again?

Answer 9

I think you'll find the opinions widely divided in this forum.  Those who have negative feelings about adoption seem unwilling to admit there is EVER even one positive that comes out of adoption.  And there are those who support adoption who don't always recognize the sometimes negative effects adoption can bring.  Personally, I'm an adult adoptee who would HIGHLY recommend adoption but I can only speak from own experience.  I grew up with a wonderful family that gave me everything a child could need or want.  I was born in Korea where girls are not highly desired at all.  In fact, many parents in Asian countries committed infantacide (killing their baby daughters) during this time so I personally feel very lucky that my parents chose to give me a freakin' chance instead of just killing me like alot of people did back then.  Only boys were cherished in old Asian cultures because most people lived on farms so boys were much more help.  Anyway, like I said, I recommend it.

Answer 10

I don't think adoption is right in all cases. Sometimes I think it is downright wrong. On the other hand I often think it is what is truly best for the people involved.

I think it is best for a woman to explore all of her options and have access to all of the resources available. Many women choose adoption without really knowing the potential pitfalls. They are told half truths about what life will be like after, often they are lied to outright. Nobody wants to talk about how the adoptee may feel or how traumatic loosing their mother can be. Nobody wants to talk about a-parents who don't have enough support in place to deal with the issues that may come up.

If a woman wants to parent and is not pointed in the right direction to do so I find huge fault. If someone wants to adopt but isn't educated about adoption related problems or isn't able to receive support and guidance about the unique family dynamics that accompany adoption I find huge fault.

Adoption is one answer to a host of adult situations. It is not something that "fixes" a child's problems. It is something that "fixes" an unplanned pregnancy, infertility, fear of parenting, fear of childbirth and many other adult troubles. Never have I known a newborn to want anything more than a nice boob and a snuggle. We put our needs onto these children and expect them to be thankful for it.

I will never recommend adoption without also recommending other options as well. When you are dealing with something as important as another person's life you need to inform them of all of THEIR choices, not only the choices you feel are best.

Answer 11

I was adopted, I agree with adoption so much, I have 2 adopted kids. Adoption gave the 3 of us life. What is not to recommend?

Answer 12

I believe in adoption only in cases of abuse, neglect, addiction, or for true orphans--children whose parents and all other relatives are dead.

The current 'Robin Hood in reverse' method of adoption is dead wrong.  Mothers being convinced by their families, agencies, attorneys, and society that they need to give their children up to infertile people who are 'better educated', or have 'two parents' or more money is immoral, IMO.

There is something very wrong with the system when adopters  spend 10-50K to take a baby away from it's mother who might just need a little monetary help a couple years to keep her child.

Answer 13

I think that there are lots of hurt feeling and abandonment issues surrounding adoption and there are some here who want to prevent others from causing that pain and irreversible problems to a child unnecessarily. Although there are also quite a few here that are really in need of counseling to deal with these issues because there is no way their pain and bitterness in not effecting their children. As for everything else in life you need to take what as said with a grain of salt. There is good and bad in everything and those who are wise enough can see it. Take the good and use it and ignore the bad.

Answer 14

I'm a adoptee. Here is my feelings---yes, I do recommend adoption, especially in cases where the parent or parents are found to be unfit(i.e. drug addicts,abusive,neglectful). I recommend adoption if the birth mother chooses adoption for her child(i consider this then her choice). In that type of situation I would hope for an open adoption. Personally I know of one person here that does not recommend adoption and she does not speak for us all.

What I want is better adoption laws and regulations. I feel that what is best for the child should come first, before the first parents,adoptive parents and the adoption agency.

Answer 15

This is very much a catch 22 question, as everybody's circumstances differ, so what may be acceptable to me, may not be to someone else.  

Yes, I am an adopted child, and met my biological family when I was 19 - 11yrs ago.  I had a fantastic upbringing with all the opportunities any child could want, but as I got older, I felt very resentful towards my adopted parents for doing so!??! Go figure?

When I met my biological family, I found I had 2 older sisters and 1 younger, so I was the 3rd born, and the only one given up for adoption.  Fortunately I was the lucky one, as my sisters had a really crappy upbringing.  

In saying this however, I am totally against adoption.  I have one child of my own, and as a parent this is just not an option.  I say 'suck it up and deal with whatever issues you may have to want to make you give away your own flesh and blood' To me, this is a weakness of the worst kind, and complete denial of responsibility for the situation you may have gotten yourself into.  There is nothing, or no one ever closer to you than your own child.  That alone should give you enough strength to do what's right by an innocent life that never asked to be brought into the world.  

As it stands, I'm kind of in emotional limbo with both of my families, as was never close to my adopted family, it just never felt right...to no fault of my adopted Mother (she did the very best she could), there was just no bond like the one I feel with my own child.  And as for my biological family?  Well they might as well be strangers.  Once I, the novelty wore off so did the contact. Dead loss.

Answer 16

I don't recommend infant adoption.

cuz I've lived it

Answer 17

This a very difficult and emotional question for me.  My natural parents have shared with me the difficulties they had faced with the idea of having me and the circumstances in their lives at that time.

So from their perspective, back then, the options, quite honestly, were bleak.  If I were to have counseled them back then, I would have been hard pressed to come up with good reasons to keep me.

Having said that, if it were my daughter, or someone I loved, I would NEVER recommend adoption.  

The Reason?  Being adopted, has ruined my life...sort of. Emotionally, I am wrecked.  Yes, as I've stated previously, I've accomplished much in my life, however....

To think, all your life that your Mother didn't want you.....oh, there's no words for that pain....enough said.

Answer 18

I'm a reunited birthmom and I wanted to vote 15 times for sunny.

Answer 19

I am an adoptee and I believe very strongly about adoption.  There are many situations that may prevent a person from caring properly for a child.  Some good, some bad.  If a child is being neglected in any way, cannot receive medical attention when needed, no food or shelter, there may be an abusive environment....  I could go on for days with other situations similar to these.  If a child is in a situation like this, then yes, I think that being put up for adoption would be best for them.  There are so many people in the world who cannot have children and want them so bad.  There are a lot of people in the world who can have them and don't take care of them or want them.  Its a sad reality.  In some cases, adoption helps to balance that out sort of speak.  I am adoptee who has 4 children, one who is adopted.  So I guess I am one of the few who DO support adoption very proudly.