Do any B2B's have a family member who has refused/ignored your wedding invite? How do you deal with that?

Question

I'm getting married in two weeks and even though I've been trying not to think about it, I'm a little sad because two important family members have decided not to attend -- my Grandmother and my fiance's Father.

Grandmother has treated my Mom like c**p for the last 20 years & would often take her anger at my Mom out on me by doing mean stuff like not attending my high school or college graduation.

Finally, I stopped calling her, so instead of her calling me, I just didnt' hear from her. I sent her a wedding announcement, invite to my bridal shower and an invite to my wedding, but she has ignored them.

Fiance's Dad is being just as big of a prick. He and Mom are divorced and hes got a "new family" now I guess. Fiance's uncle hand delievered the wedding invite, but Dad refused to take it.

Fiance pretends it's cool, but I know he's hurting, especially since he Dad used to be mentally and physically abusive (ie: fiance broke his 6 p.m. curfew by coming out to dinner with my family & I for my Moms bday. When he got home, his Dad chased him out of the house with a machete trying to kill him)

Even though both Granny and his Dad are horrible, we both still feel bad that they won't come. :-(

Answer 1

I did this to my uncle. He was married to my Aunt Sue who died with ovarian cancer. She was my aunt and he was by marriage. I did not respond to his marriage invintation and I am not going to attend his wedding next week because he is marrying the most obnoxious, low life woman that has been to prision for imbessilment and everything else - he was cheating on my aunt with this woman when she was going through chemo and everything.

I do not respect him anymore and so I choose not to attend his wedding. I think he is disrespecting our family because he never did anything with my aunt that he does with this woman. My aunt always wanted for them to go out and do things and he never wanted to do anything with her - but this woman he's about to marry he will do everything with her.

My aunts b-day is next week and guess what? He is getting married right after her b-day. That is very disrespectful.

But to your question - Some people just do not attend because they think it is the wrong thing for you to do. They think that you should not get married so they CHOOSE not to attend or reply.

Now I am ready for the thumbs down that I will probably get.

Answer 2

Sounds like he is upset because of the kind of father he has, not because he isn't going to be at the wedding. Why in the world would you want someone so volatile at your wedding. He really need counseling to put his father's actions in perspective and maybe behind him to get on with the future.

As for your grandmother, well the same thing, why would you want her there. Someone who has treated your mother so badly. You should ignore her. She should know her bad behavior isn't wanted in your family and will not be put up with.

You are starting a new life together and should find some closure with these issues from the past.

Answer 3

The main thing of all this drama, it is because all of you are hurt for some reason. Forgiveness of one to another it is necessary to break this pattern, that is all what you need. Once you people forgive each other, chaings will be broken in the spiritual realm. Otherwise this pattern will continue.

Remember, for some reason God says in His word to forgive one another, otherwise God will not forgive you of your sins, desobedience, until we forgive one another, and ask for forgiveness to God. Once, all of you do as God says, there will be peace between all of you. What all of you do wrong, bring consecuences. Forgiveness is the key to happiness. Otherwise you will be living doors open for bad spirits to take over the situations. Whether you believe it or not, this is the true.

If you want, and can do it, make a re-union with them but do not say the reason, pray to God before this, and find the way for them to forgive each other. Do it before the wedding or even after, and you will see the change. I know that God will help you with the situation.

If they do not go to the wedding there is nothing else that you can do, but pray. Pray to God, pray is when you talk to Him. He loves all of you. He wants the best for you. You are doing something correct before His eyes, so, talk to Him. But before you start, ask for your forgiveness, this help for you to get your desire to be answer. Tell Him whatever you want in your wedding and you will see the result of your prayer.

All weddings celebration are beautiful, so do not worry. Just relax and enjoy it. Be blessed.

God bless you.

Answer 4

Well the Grandmother is easy, she likes to try to control things/create drama by not showing up to significant events.  It's easy to handle that, don't pay attention to the fact that she's not there.  No attention.  No drama.  No regrets.  You'll have a nicer day without her.  And when no one calls up yelling at her for not coming she won't get the payoff she wants.

Boy, Dad is a lot harder.  Even though Dad sounds terrible, and maybe someone you'd be smart to keep out of your life, it is normal for your fiance to want his father in his life.  Tell your fiance that whether his dad comes or not that is not the last word on their relationship.  Tell him that once you're married you'll be by his side to help him try to build a relationship with his (crazy ***) dad and if the relationship never happens you'll still be there and so will your family and the rest of his.  Getting married means be each other's support structure.

I'm wishing you both a happy and machete-free wedding!

Answer 5

We got married on 5/10/08 and dealt with this issue.

My maternal grandmother and aunts refused to come because I invited my father.  They were still angry with him for things that happened in the past and were angry that I forgave him.

My husband's mother and grandfather did not attend our wedding because they did not approve of our pastor and because we invited his father.  

Although it hurt both of us very much, my husband and I made the decision to look at it this way.  We will not focus on the people who are trying to control us by not attending.  It's their choice and we can do nothing about it.  We will focus on everyone who attended to share our special day with us.  When it all comes down to the big day, the only people TRULY necessary are the bride, groom, and officiant.  The day is really about the love between you two.  Do not let it become about anything else.

I'm sorry you're going through this, I know it's tough, but you and your fiance can be there for one another.  In the end, it'll only make you a stronger couple.

Answer 6

You have to look at it as maybe not being there is best not to cause drama or issues on your day.  I think they are only hurting themselves by doing this.  And in the end, why would you really want them there?  

Answer 7

Honestly it sucks and it hurts but when your wedding day comes you will only be focused on eachother. Whoever is not there won't even matter to you. Just enjoy your day and celebrate with the people who will be there to support you. My grandmother also didn't show up to my wedding. It was more her husbands decisions than hers but it didn't ruin my day at all. My husband and I were so focused on how much we loved eachother and how happy we were it didn't matter who wasn't there. We appreciated all of the love coming from the people that were there.

Answer 8

as for granny. when my daughter get marry; like h**l i am going to invite my mother in law.  i would not worry about her

try to stay out of him and his dad affair,  when i met my husband he wan'[t even talking to his dad and now they are like best friend. and i just stay out of it.

Answer 9

Your wedding should be a day of love and joy, spent with the people that surround you without condition, not a time for drama and pity parties from the family members that seem to put themselves above all else.  Enjoy your wedding without them, it will be their loss, not yours!  Best of wishes