Do any mothers feel this way?

Question

Hi, i am 26 and i have 4 yo boy and 2 yo boy, i am a foreigner living in japan with my japanese husband. I want to know if any other mothers are as irritable as i am, everyday i am irritable, impatient and sometimes bad tempered to my kids, its a shame for them, they do not deserve this, but at the same time i feel like i need a break from them, even though it wouldnt change me for the best. i am fed up living with guilt. i dont know when this began, life just isnt fun anymore.

Answer 1

perhaps you need some antidepressants! good luck!

Answer 2

i feel soooooooooo the same i have 4 kids aged between 8 and 11 months and live is c**p most of the time...my hubbieworks all day its too much hassle t go out most of the time and if i do go out and hubbies around i end up taking one or 2 of them with me...its almopst like my purpose in  life now is to cook clean and be a mummy...how do you make time for you it just dont seem possible...x

Answer 3

Sounds normal to me, motherhood isnt all soft focus and loving kids, gazing adoreably at you. if you can have a break from them you will be able to cope with it better, Good luck.

Answer 4

join the club.

i also married into another culture and, love him lots, but i regret it.  i don't fit in and after three years of trying, i don't even want to.  i find myself wondering why *I* am supposed to fit into his culture - why can't he even make an attempt to fit into mine when he's living in my own country!

you could also be suffering delayed post-partum depression.

and what's wrong with taknig a break from them!?  get a sitter and take classes in basket-weaving or creative watching-paint-dry.

Answer 5

be patience go to the psychologe tell your problem!

Answer 6

Sounds very normal to me, part and parcel of been a parent !!

It's the holidays here in UK and I have been feeling exactly the same way with my children, sometimes a break is all it takes to recharge our batteries.

Answer 7

Yes I feel like this often - and I live in my home city!! Pre-schoolers, esp. boys can really test your patience. This age only really understand the following:-

inappropriate behaviour leads to conseqences e.g. no park, no story, no ice cream etc. Children are egocentric and ultimately care only about their well being. This is normal. Don't spend ages arguing with them or vocalising your discontent. They won't understand. They do though, understand consequences.

You'll find you won't be nearly so irritable if you spend less time nagging and shouting. It doesn't work with little kids.

Let me give you an example, 4 year old kicks 2 year old and you ask 'Why did you do that?'. Kid knows the truthful answer is 'because I wanted to hurt my 2 year old brother', but balks at telling his mother so a tantrum ensues. The question itself is actually quite daft, but many of us fall into asking questions like this to our young children. Better to say 'it hurts when you kick your brother, if you do it again you will not go to....have....' AND MAKE SURE YOU SEE THROUGH THE CONSEQUENCE.

Of course, good behaviour reults in nice consequences.

Your other point about living away from home. I did the same with my husband ie living in a foreign culture however this was pre - children. I detested the place and although i tried to fit in, I could not. Don't force yourself to like somewhere. It is easy to be influeced by environments. For example, I am city person and cannot live in the country. I have a low boredom threshold too!

Good luck. How you are feeling is pretty normal.

Answer 8

Baby girl, it seems you lost all the fun and excitement God intended you have  with your children,maybe you could find out where the playgrounds are in your neighborhood, and take your kids there to play for awhile, or take you & the kids out for icecream, then ask your husband if he wouldn't mind taking care of yours & his children for a couple of hours, just so you can quality time for you w/o the kids, and go do something you want to do, mam, its natural for you to be apprehnisive  about moving to a country you're not sure about, and where things are for you to be able to do things with your kids like you did before ,where you used to live!And I certainly can see why you being irritable,impatient with your childen, they are probably feeling the same,have you ever sit down with them and ask them what is wrong? How about you thinking of things you and your children can do together(that just might tire them out), but that will be ok, because they'll know you're alittle mixed up too! So, you might find they're alittle mixed up too! How about reading their favorite books to them, and letting them show you in the story ewhat they like more about it? Finger-paint together(with lots of newspapers down,make kool-aide pops, (in your freezer) w/ sticks in them, make cookies,let them make their own, special for you, dad, and themelves;let them read you a book! I realize they can not read, but they can tell you the story from the pictures! I'll pray for you & your children, God will see you thru, He'll make it ok!He knows what you're feeling in your heart! Trust in him, He'll pull you thru!

Answer 9

You know, in all honesty...maybe your'e depressed..and thats how you show your depression. I often wonder the same thing about myself. Im 24 years old, and a mother to a 5 year old girl, 20 month old boy, and 23 weeks pregnant.  Even though I work full time, I always feel like I NEVER get a break..its work, and then come home to screaming, whining kids....to clean, cook, and Im just TIRED!!  I often feel bad for my kids....like "d**n, why would they even like me?". My husband and I are military, and 3000 miles away from family, and only enough friends to count on 1 hand.

Im honestly thinking about going to a doctor and maybe trying an anti-depressant.  

Answer 10

I feel like that often.  I usually wait for a day that seems calm for my husband and me and then I ask him to watch the kids and go out and do something for myself.

Answer 11

You need to be true to your self

what is really making you feel this way?

do you like living in japan?

are you home sick?

bored?

do you need a job?

we all go thru different stages in life

i have been there before

but i had to deal with the root cause of the problem

be honest with your self

and once you have addressed the problem

you will surely bounce back

Answer 12

I have two children as well. They are arguing a lot recently and I feel like a referee!. It is normal to get a bit fed up, I do to - but just remember to balance your impatience with lots of cuddles and well dones etc.

I expect it is harder for you as you have no family and friends nearby?

Nor do I - but they are in the same country as me and only a phone call away.

Keep them busy at pre school and playgroups if you can there - this is when mums get the odd chance to relax a little.

Good luck and treat every day as a fresh start.

Answer 13

Sounds like you are run down/ This makes you tired, bored and irritable and have no energy to do anything.  I think that a break would do you good.. even if it was for a few hours to go and watch a film.

I am run down at the moment so am sleeping whenever I can. I am irritable too but my little girl is an angle. My partner gets a few cross words though ;)

Answer 14

I feel like this sometimes.  Being a parent is rather hard, and isolating.

Perhaps you could speak to your husband about the way you feel, maybe he could take you out somewhere nice, get a babysitter.