Do any other homeschooled teenage girls feel this way?

Question

do you ever just want to cry for hours because youve realized that since your homeschooled many of your dreams wont be acheived. i wanted to be a cheerleader, and had always dreamed of becoming a prom queen since i was little, but i have an amazing boyfriend i cant go to dances with because his school doesnt accept homeschoolers as guests because there is no school id, i have no graduation with friends to look forward to, later in life ill have no high school yearbooks with stupid quotes to look back on and i breaks my heart so much that ill never get to do that all because my parents dont like the school system :'(

i recently(september) had to spend homecoming night all alone because his school wouldnt let me go and he just hung out with his friends. after i had bought a beautiful homecoming dress and everything that goes with it

Answer 1

i've never heard of people not being allowed to dances or anything because of not having an ID. i would check that..

but you can still be a cheerleader. look around your area for local cheerleading teams. my sister was homeschooled and still got to cheer.

if it really bothers you, ask your parents to consider letting you go to public school next year. let them know you think your missing out on life and you want to experience these things.

Answer 2

I think it is a shame your district won't let you attend.  I do know there are laws you may want to look into (in PA, anyway) to fight for your rights to attend the district functions.  Your parents pay school taxes for a reason.  That being said, I am a parent of 2 elem. school children.  I just pulled them out of school for the same reasons your parents home school you.  I understand their fears and frustrations.  They love you so much.  I do think you are getting the BEST education possible, being at home.  However, you need to have your extra-curricular activities to keep you just as happy and healthy.  Would your parents be willing to go to the superintendent of your district and fight for the right to attend any and all extra-curricular activities that all the other tax-paying families have the privilege of attending?  Just a thought.

Answer 3

Um, no. Never have felt that way. I personally think cheerleading/prom/graduation and all that c**p is lame. And I've experienced it, too. I hate it.

Answer 4

"his school doesnt accept homeschoolers as guests because there is no school id"

That is possibly the single most ridiculous thing that I have heard. I have a difficult time believing it could be true. Many schools do not have IDs and many more students wouldn't know to bring school ID to a prom. If that is really the stumbling block, print out an ID on your printer or at Kinkos or Staples, and get it laminated. Ta-dah, instant school ID.

Graduation is entirely overrated, and you can still have one at college.

High school yearbooks with stupid quotes are easy: get pictures of you and your friends, print them up, bind them (some photosharing sites will even do that for you for really inexpensive amounts), and get your friends to sign it.

"always dreamed of becoming a prom queen since i was little"

I hate to break it to you, but statistically speaking, you wouldn't have been prom queen anyway.

"ill never get to do that all because my parents dont like the school system :'( "

Because your parents don't like the school system? Seriously? You are a teenager and you don't know the specific reason why your parents want to homeschool. Maybe you should ask them.

Answer 5

So have your parents make you a school ID.  Your homeschool is most likely considered a private school in your state, just as a Catholic school would be.  You *are* in school.  Just because it's not a B&M school doesn't mean it's not a school.  You can also get an ID from your HS'ing association/group.  You can go here to get a free one, too, if you don't want to make one:

http://www.homeschoolbuyersco-op.org/hom...

There are homeschool proms, homeschool graduations, homeschool cheerleading, homeschool co-op yearbooks, all the things you mentioned you're missing out on.  Some church schools allow HS'ers to participate in their sports and activities also.  I think you *really* need to have a heart-to-heart talk w/ your parents.  They should be doing more to help you out.  If you have never shared your dreams with them, then they can't help you.  Rather than writing here, talk to them.

Trust me.  It's been 21 years since I've been out of public high school.  I've looked at my old yearbooks maybe twice that entire time.  Public high school is way overrated.  Being prom queen is *seriously* overrated and what matters is what's in the heart - not how beautiful you are, or how popular you are (your classmates would vote on prom queen).

Answer 6

No. I just want to cry because it is so d**n boring and I miss my friends.

Answer 7

Hmm well Im homeschooled..

I went to regular school my freshman year.. I was a cheerleader..

Its not all its cut out to be plus think about it like half the people you hang out with wont go to prom cause they will drop out..and if you are hoomeschooled with virtual school then u have a base school so you have an id..

Im 15 and in 10th grade I choose to be homeschooled because it is easier plus I get to leave everyday with my bf and in 4 months I get my license and I already have a car so I will be able to do whatever I want whenever I want..

my parents arnt strick tho..

That really sounds like it sucks..

Get emancipated :)

Answer 8

Well as a homeschooled 17-year old girl I honestly can't sympathize much. Most homeschoolers participate in support groups if they feel they're missing out on these things. It just takes a handfull of homeschoolers to gether together and decide to organize a group and have their own dances, sports teams to compete with other HS groups as well as private schools, homecomming in conjunction with their sports program, yearbooks and yearbook signing parties, and even graduating ceremonies and grad nights for the older students. You should see about joining a group like this. There is bound to be one in your area that you just didn't hear about.

If not, well... What's stopping you from creating your own yearbook. It could be a really fun and exciting project. Get some photo editing software on your computer and gather up all your pictures from feild trips, extracurricular activities, outings with friends, homeschool projects, typical school day things, family, friends, trips, etc.. Anything that will highlight your highschool years whether it's strictly school related or not. Create page layouts with captions, interesting boarders and designs, headings, and pleanty of blank spots near friends' photos so there's room to sign. There are companies that bind and distribute yearbooks to homeschoolers for reasonable prices. See if you can find one to bind your book for you. Hard cover, glossy pages, autograph pages, the works. Then invite your friends (both public schoolled and homeschooled) to hang out for an evening and you can look at eachothers' yearbooks and sign them.

As for cheerleading, well if you can't do this through a homeschool group, most cities have sports leagues of their own that aren't at all sponsored by the public schools. Look on your local Parks and Recreation website to see if there are any cheer programs for teens in your area. Also, in some states the public schools are required to allow homeschoolers to participate in sports and extracurricular activities on the grounds that their parents are still paying taxes for them. Find out what your state's laws are reguarding this (I suggest you do your own research first as asking someone who works at the school usually leads to an inaccurate or uninformed answer, but if you can't find anything, just call up the school and ask.). It's possible that you can participate (or at least try out for) the cheer squad right at your local highschool. I know Florida has this law for homeschoolers. Maybe your area does as well.

The whole thing about not being allowed to go to homecomming with your boyfriend is a bit absurd. Did you try talking to anyone at his school personally, or did you just accept the rule at face value? Next year, or when prom rolls around, you should contact the principal yourself and ask if the School ID rule applies to homeschoolers as well. If it does, ask if you can fulfill the requirement by providing your state ID and proof that you are home schooled. Also offer to have a parent or guardian sign a permission form of some kind. Usually schools require guests to present school id so they know who to contact if the student gets into trouble or gets hurt. They want to make sure they know who is responsible for that student. You should be able to make a deal with the principal by offering up regular ID and proof of homeschooling and parent concent, as your parent is technically your principal. I did something similar to this in my freshman year. Give it a try.

If graduation with a homeschool group isn't possible for you, there's no reason you can't have your own grad ceremony, and this one would be all about you. Not shared with over 1,000 other kids. Homeschoolers do this quite frequently. There are websites where you can purchase cap and gown in your choice of color, as well as a blank diploma that will be filled in with the name of your homeschooll, date of graduation, and parents' signature. Legally, a homeschooling parent in the US has the right to issue a "home made" diploma to a homeschooler when he or she has completed her course of study as determined by the parent. Of if you're part of an online school that issues a diploma, you can have your celebration when you recieve it in the mail. See about renting out a banquet room in a hotel or something, or just have it in your own backyard or home. Invite all your friends and relatives, have pictures from your homeschooling or projects you're proud of on display, have food and music if you like. Make it a party. And if desired, have a sit-down moment where maybe your parents can say a few words, or a close friend can speak, and then mom or dad will hand over your diploma. Google "homeschool graduation" and you should get lots of ideas.

Hope this helps!

Answer 9

No.

All that stuff doesn't exist here: no prom queen, no proms come to that, no yearbooks, no homecoming (whatever that is!) so it wouldn't happen for me (or even you) if you went to school in my country.

One thought: did you and bf bother to approach his school principal and ask about you going to that dance or did you just turn up and try and get in sans school ID or sans explaining in advance that you were home-educated?!

Is there no other official ID they might have accepted if they'd known in advance he wanted a homeschooler as a guest? Driver's Licence? Liquor Licence? etc?

BTW Heaps of homeschooling co-ops do seem to organise a graduation party for their members, maybe you should check that out. Or alternatively get together with your mates and plan your own graduation celebration - that way you can make it really personal to you.

Or you might be able to go to Schoolies.

Answer 10

First - I'm a guy, but I am also homeschooled and I've had homeschooled girls talk to me all the time about this topic, so here's my view..

Depending on what state you live in, you have a LEGAL RIGHT to attend many or most public schooled extracurricular activities, especially sports, dances, and clubs. There are legal defense options for you if the school isn't letting you get into the dance. I'm sure as soon as you hand them a printout from the right legal statutes (check online for this), they will let you into the dance. As far as prom goes, they should allow you to go, especially if it is the senior prom (many schools allow a student of the school to bring their bf / gf from another school to the dance with them.

My story:

I was taken out of public school in 8th grade (I'm a senior now), and I can tell you - I felt so much more alive and happy at public school. My mom decided that homeschooling would be best for me, and refused to let me go to public school again, and strongly disapproves of dating (her policy is I should only date if I have the intention to marry that girl, and it should be in a public setting with friends - basically a form of courtship), so I moved out when I turned 17, and made my own decisions. I'll be getting my GED this year and getting into a university where I will be able to meet a ton of new people. Sadly, that won't replace the high school experience that I missed out on, and forgiving my mom for homeschooling me will be very tough.

My advice:

So right now you can either cry for hours (nothing wrong with that, crying is a healthy process, and if you need to then don't feel bad that you cry) or you can do something about it. Ultimately, nobody decides your future except yourself. Find out what your options are as a homeschooler trying to go to public school activities.  You might not be able to do ALL the things you once dreamed about, but you still have a lifetime of wonderful opportunities ahead of you, so instead of looking back on all things lost, look forward to all opportunity before you =)

Answer 11

hehehehe

Answer 12

Sounds like you are focusing on all the things you won't get in life. If we all did that, we'd all make ourselves depressed and/or insane. And it sounds like you've made yourself depressed with such thoughts.

Is that what you want in life? Depression? Are superficial things like prom queen and homecoming (gosh, I don't even know what that is because we don't have it here--we don't have proms and prom queens either, to be honest) and high school dances so important to life that you are willing to be depressed and heartbroken over this?

If you want to be happy in life, you have to think and do the right things. What do you have in your life that you could appreciate? Be thankful for. Focus on that. It's in your hands.

Btw, if you are legally considered a private school student where you live (because in some states, homeschools are legally private schools), your parents could create a school ID for you.

ADDED: One more thought: if your boyfriend were really that great, imho he would not have gone to homecoming and would have taken you out in your nice dress instead of going and hanging around with his buddies.

Answer 13

woww . . .

that's really sad

Answer 14

that's very sad...!That's tooooo much....!

Answer 15

Maybe you should go and look for a job that's what my sister does she is home schooled and only 16 board out of her mind but still respects my parents choice to keep her home schooled so she went out and found a job it keeps her busy and at the same time she gets to meet alot of new people and some times she goes and hangs out with her friends its cool. And she went to winter formal with her boyfriend and she did not need a school ID my mom just had to fill out a paper for her to go cause she is home schooled maybe your boyfriend lied to you I would call his school and ask.don't worrie about being home schooled to much it might just be the best thing for you right now.why do your parents home school you???You can still be a cheerleader there are classes everywhere it just cost alot of money. Good luck hope you feel better about being home schooled!:)

Answer 16

aww sweetie i feel for you *hugs*

well i hope this helps you feel better, i went to 4 high schools

because i had moved around alot, that was h**l i hated it,

Im partially deaf aswell and it was hard fitting into each school i went too, because they all treated me the same, i had to have a "teacher of the deaf" sit next to me in class and take notes, i didnt need that but my parents insisted so it made it even more complicated to make friends because people thought i was dumb and.. i know its not that.

I wanted to go to one of my previous schools senior "dance" but they wouldnt let me because i didnt go to the school anymore and you can only pick a partner from school so i kinda see what you mean, the guy i liked from my old school asked me to go but when he found out i couldnt he picked some girl from the school he liked and it hurt.

Just be happy that you'll be stable until you finish being homeschooled that no one can pick on you like a whole class and a whole year level, think of the fun times ahead with your boyfriend at least he chose you out of all the girls at school right? be happy that hes yours :)

I understand this might be affecting you coz through your boyfriend and probably ur friends you can see what its like, i am angry at myself for needing to move schools because of moving around and because 1 i didnt fit in at all so had to change anyway.

Im 22 now and sometimes i wish i was home schooled by a tutor because then i wouldnt have been bullied and could focus on myself and not what people thought of me, but you can still join social clubs a hobby you like doing and meet people that way, even go to uni (college), and feel like school there, you have a long way to go chin up :)

Also to all the people who are saying shes lying or absurd for saying she cant go to her boyfriends "prom" its different in different countries, im Australian and in public schools here and MOST public schools you can only pick someone from that school to be your partner for the night because their worried about someone gate crashing or causing trouble and if its all just school people it makes it easier for the school to identify whose who etc...

Private schools here, is a different story, they can make up their own rules and the private schools here are all boys or all girls schools (only seen a couple mixed its rare here) and they have no choice but to find a partner through their local all boys school.

Answer 17

Hannah -  I completely agree with your point about country it would be the same here.

Like somebody else said it is possible to do cheerleading without going to school.  In the UK schools don't do cheerleading anyway (that I know of) and you would have to find a private club.

The school dances are also quite poorly attended as well.  If I go back in time (a depressingly long time ago) then youth club discos were better and alot of nightclubs did under 18 party nights till about 9 or 10 o'clock which were and still are very popular.

The UK doesn't have a graduation as such some schools may do some sort of presentation but most students go under duress and it is for the benefit of the parents.

You have got boyfriend which is more than many of the people who did go to the dances after spending a long time crying over the lack of a date.  I would in future get your boyfriend to check out with the school office about you attending future dances.

Speak to your parents about this and try to find a compromise on issues even if it doesn't mean you going to public school.

Answer 18

While I feel bad for you, I cannot sympathize with you.  I am in college now, but I was homeschooled K-12 and I do not (and did not) feel I missed out on anything.  Granted, I was never forced to homeschool, it was always my choice, but even if I had been forced to homeschool I don't think I would have focused on the negative aspects.  

I felt like crying sometimes for my public schooled friends when they were feeling sick and still had to go to school, or they did not have time to participate in all the activites they wanted to because they were stuck in school all day long, or they got a job and then lost all their social time, or they were ahead/behind their class but were not allowed to move on or spend more time on the subject, or they didn't have quality time to spend with friends/family, they could not graduate early, and they could not start college classes while still in high school.  

About the cheerleader/prom queen thing.  It sounds to me like you are a little too obsessed with being popular.  Maybe I am reading this wrong, and I have obviously never met you, but that is how you come across.  And unless you were willing to stab people in the back to be the queen, you worrying about being popular would actually have the opposite affect.  You would never be popular because no one would want to be friends with someone who's main concern is becoming popular.  Think about it.  

As for cheerleading, anybody that is into cheer knows that cheering in high school means nothing.  You have to get on a team, usually at a gymnastics place, take dance, gymnastics, and cheer classes, and to get on really good teams you need to have a personal coach.  I guess maybe this goes along with wanting to be popular, but being a cheerleader won't guarantee popularity.

Why won't you have a graduation with friends?  Are you in a homeschool group?  You should be.  My homeschool graduation had 125 kids in it and was (a boring) three hours long.  And we had to go to three four-hour long rehearsals.  And for what?  So my mom could have pictures of me in a graduation ceremony.  I didn't think it was necessary, but this was something my mom wanted for me.  Have your own ceremony.  You can invite who you want, do what you wnat, and make it completely unique and special.  Most homeschool groups also have proms.  Why don't you go to a homeschool prom?  Be their prom queen.

You may not realize this at age 15, but in the long run, proms and graduation ceremonies mean nothing.  I can't tell you how many times people have asked me if I feel like I missed out on prom (i don't) and turn around and say they never went to their prom.  Go figure.  No one in college or in your adult life is going to care if you were prom queen, cheer captain, or most popular girl in the school.  No one.  (Unless you are considering a career in the cheering industry.)  All they care about is whether you can get your job done efficiently, where you graduated, and what degree you hold.  And that is it.  You need to stop crying about your past and start thinking about your future.  Sorry if I came across as being harsh, but I can't stand cry babies.  Make something good of your situation and be thankful your parents don't want you in the failing public school system but are willing to put time and effort into your education.

Answer 19

I was home schooled, then after eighth grade I attended a small private high school, which was a good transition. If you can't make the transition to school, I suggest a couple of the following options. If those don't work, I would consider the public school guilty of discrimination because your parents pay taxes for that school just like everyone else, hence the reason other citizens are allowed to use public school facilities to play sports, have meetings, etc. It seems unjust to turn minors away from events without offering some kind of alternative, when they clearly can't help the situation. Here are my suggestions.

1. If you don't have a driver's license, get a non-license ID at the DMV. One my friends didn't get her driver's license till she was 22, so she had one of these.

2. Remember that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I have often found that people don't allow things because they don't understand the circumstances. Find out who is in charge of ID's at your boyfriend's school, call that person, and explain the situation. Keep asking, be firm but polite. If you do talk to someone and the response is unhelpful, go to the next person. I would explain that this situation should be addressed not just for you but for future students who may be home schooled who would also have the same problem. Ask if another kind of ID would substitute for a school one. Ask if he/she can mail or email you a letter of permission so that you have evidence when you show up.

3. In terms of cheerleading, there are independent cheerleading leagues not affiliated with schools. See if there are any in your area, or more conveniently, see if you can join the squad of the public school you are districted to. I have heard of home schoolers playing on public school sports teams because their parents are paying taxes towards the school and technically public school is open to everyone. Plus, your parents are actually saving the other taxpayers money by not sending you there. Do you belong to a home schooling group? I played sports that way. See if there are other home schoolers who may want to start their own team.

4. See if any large home schooling groups have their own dances. I have heard of home schoolers all getting together and planning a prom.

Remember that the school may be giving you a hard time because you have the label of being "home schooled." Educators tend to frown on home schooling and may not want to lend you a hand - which is even more reason to keep trying. If you are persistent and mature, maybe you will be able to find a solution together.

Answer 20

You sound bitterly disappointed. You should speak to your folks. There is no reason you should be sulking when you could be enjoying many great experiences while you homeschool. I personally think you have built up a fantasy of what high school is like and are day dreaming about that instead of getting out and making homeschool the best it could possibly be. If you aren’t careful, you’ll spend your teen years pining and as an adult you will wonder why other homeschoolers were able to have so much fun when they were kids. Don’t miss out now. You can’t ever get “now” back.

    Meanwhile, my dreams for myself were never that small and I hope my daughter's aren't either. Why not dream bigger for yourself? If you want to be a Dallas Cowgirl, start taking gymnastics and dance now and go live your dream. High school Graduation was long, dull and pointless. If you want a great graduation experience, plan yours now and plan for college graduation too, while you are at it. The highlight of my high school graduation was getting to see a couple of stoners arrested in the parking lot after the ceremony. I still have my year books. A bunch of people I didn't know well told me to "Stay sweet", whatever that means. I went to high school and was never a cheerleader or the prom queen. My best friend was a prom queen. She said it was OK, but hardly the highlight of her life. Meanwhile, there is no reason you should not be allowed at those dances with your boyfriend. Have your folks call the school board and if that does not work, have a lawyer or HSDLA call them. Nothing should discourage you from making your life into what you truly desire it to be.

Answer 21

I have been home schooled my whole life and I have never had that problem. Yes I have wanted to go to school but not because of reasons like these.

1. I have been involved in any activity that school's have. If you want to be a cheer leader there are many cheering organizations that you can be involved in. All the school's in my area too (unless it's a private school) will allow you to be involved in their cheer squad if there is room.

2. Sure you won't be prom queen but who says you would have made it in school anyways. Not saying you couldn't but just cause you go to school and "apply" for it doesn't mean that you'll be prom queen.

3. I have never heard of a school that doesn't allow outsiders to come to dances as long as they "pay." I have gone to my ex b/f's school dance and I am going with my close guy friend to his prom. So either your b/f goes to a private school or he's not being very truthful because I've never heard of such things.

Answer 22

I'm homeschooled, but not necessarily in the same situation. I went to public school from kindergarden to grade 10 but in grade 10 I didn't like any of my teachers, most of them hated me and I skipped a lot of school. I almost got myself kicked out for missing more time then I actually went so I switched to homeschooling. I was pretty depressed when my friends got to go to prom and I didnt (my boyfriend and I both dropped out in grade 10 so even if I didn't have a school ID I'd have a drivers' licence but since he wasn't in school either neither of us got to go) but I got over it eventually when I realized there were bigger fish to fry. Since I wasn't getting distracted by the usual high school activities I was getting better grades then the average student and would have a better chance of getting into my university of choice. :)

Answer 23

What's sad is your pathetic devotion to all of that c**p. People have a choice, they can choose to be miserable, or they can choose to find the good in their lives. People who are rich and famous and have everything placed at their feet suffer from depression because nothing is ever good enough, just look at what it did to Brittney, Lindsey etc. But that's besides the point.

If your parents are so overprotective they won't let you drive, what in the world makes you think that if you *were* in school that they'd let you be a cheerleader (yeah, they're going to let their teenage hormone ridden daughter run around in a skirt that shows her buttcheeks, bouncing her chest in front of a hundred hormone ridden football players)

I have never heard of schools turning about homeschoolers from dances. I have heard of many many homeschooled groups that have dances, proms, clubs, classes. There are ID's for homeschoolers (my kids all have them, from the exact same company that prints out the public schooled ones)

It sounds to me that you want everything handed to you, and aren't willing to find alternatives or work for anything. I have no pity. Grow up.

Answer 24

I understand....

I know what you're going through....

I hate homeschooling because of those things....

I'm misreable because of homeschooling....

=)

All my best!

-Max

Answer 25

Oh man do I feel for u...I've been homeschooled for 3 years and I'm now a shophmore. It's hard to know ur missing out on things and I know ur sad, I just want to say u are not alone. Hang in there maybe even join a youth group or something and get active, it helps. Bye.

Answer 26

Do you and your parents belong to a local home school group? If not, join one where you will get access to school ID's and information regarding groups and extra curricular activities. There is no reason for you to miss out on these things because you are home schooled. Our group has there own scout troop, yearbooks, graduation ceremonies, dances etc. We are also allowed to participate in the schools activities. If you don't have a local group, start one, I'm sure there are a ton of home schooled kids you don't know about. Good luck Hun!

Answer 27

I went to public high school and was bored out of my mind.  I got involved with the student exchange club and went abroad my senior year.  My classmates all moaned:  But you'll miss the PROM!!  You'll miss GRADUATION!!  You'll miss being in the YEARBOOK!

And I said:  WHO CARES???  I have the opportunity to get the heck out of this dump and go somewhere fascinating where they don't speak English.  Now nearly 30 years later, I made the right choice.  I didn't miss anything from high school.  Not one bit.  And I look on my year abroad with very fond memories and experiences.  Hiking in the Andes was wicked!!