Do children adopted from foster care go back to their birth family?

Question

I am an adoptive mom and I wonder if my children will go back to their birth family when they turn 18. Does anyone have experience with this?

Answer 1

Let me ask you a question...are you into genealogy, or know anyone who is?  Do you like to investigate your family history?

Are people who look up their roots doing something wrong?  Are they betraying their current, living relatives?  Are they "going back" to their dead ancestors in some way?

Why should an adopted person be prohibited from finding out about their own roots, their own heritage, their own biological families?  I mean, if you didn't know anything about the people who created you, didn't know where you got your eye color or your weird big toe or the shape of your nose, wouldn't you be the least bit curious?  

Maybe you aren't the type of person who gets into that; but some people are.

And many adoptees are curious about how they came to be, who they came from, where they got many of their traits, both physical and personality.  It's a very natrual thing, and there's nothing wrong with it.

A loving parent would want their child to feel whole, to be happy and secure, and sometimes to feel whole, a person has to know who and where they came from.  You might have to swallow your pride and face your insecurities for the sake of your child's emotional well-being...but as a parent, isn't it worth it for your child?

I would think so, I mean I would do anything for my children.

Answer 2

My child did, and it was a closed adoption --- never even got to hold him when he was an infant due to hospital policy regarding taking babies for the adoption market if the mother was young and unwed.

I got my son back.  I'm his mother and our connection survived 20 years of total separation.  And yes, we have severed every legal connection his former adopters had with him.  I have adopted him back.

So, yes, with adoption or foster care, the child can return to their natural family again. It is a chance you take.  The worst thing you can to is force them to "choose" or use emotional blackmail or abuse to make them feel horrible for having or wanting a relationship with their natural family.  That's part of what drove my son away from the people who raised him.

Answer 3

Most people want to find their roots, know who they are and where they came from, and look at other people who look like them.

That has nothing to do with you, whatsoever.  It doesn't mean they won't love you, and it shouldn't hurt your feelings.  You should encourage reunion, support them through it, and love them unconditionally, no matter what.  And, you should be secure enough in your attachment to them that, if you do have fears, you don't share those fears with your children.  Share them in a support group, with your spouse, friends, family, etc., but NOT with your kids.

In most cases, adoptees who were supported in their reunion tend to develop stronger bonds with their adoptive parents.  Just love them, no matter what, and you - and they - will be just fine.

Answer 4

There are many factors involved - it's very complicated.

If you are a loving mother - and love unconditionally - it's very likely your adoptee will stick around - but they may still wish to search out their first family - simply to put the pieces of their life together.

If you make it known that you don't want them too - you place loads of pressure on an adoptee - that they just don't need.

An adoptee didn't ask to be taken from their first family.

That was a decision made by adults.

All humans need to know those that look like them - act like them - have talents like them - to form a better self image - and for better psychological and emotional health.

Making an adoptee choose sides - is perhaps the WORST thing any adoptive parent can ever do.

An adoptee ultimately wants to be allowed to know and love ALL of their families - and be loved in return.

You may have fears - but they are yours - that you must deal with.

Do not project those issues onto your adoptee.

That would be cruel - especially since an adoptee already goes through enough upheaval in their life.

An adoptee didn't ask to be an adoptee.

Open your heart - allow for growth - love your adoptee - without exceptions - and he/she will love you back in return.

Looking for their truth - has nothing to do with that love.

Answer 5

Once they are adopted, they are yours for keeps!! Its like they were born from you. Dont worry, your kids are yours! Once they turn 18 they are legal adults anyway. They may want to search for thier biological parents, but that doesnt make them not yours.

Answer 6

i do, i was adopted and they don't have to. it just depends on if they want to meet there real parents and if the real parents will even come in contact with your child or children. in the state of north carolina you have to be 21 years of age for the place were you were adopted from to show you any files(besides the medical history if the parents filled that out) or help you find your real parents. if your child or children want to know or meet there real parents the best thing for you to do is to be honest about everything you know and tell your children, because if you don't then it could turn on you. or sometimes your child or children don't want to knwo anything about there real parents and they don't care, thats how my brother is. me well i want to know. but no the child or children do not have to go back to there real parents after they turn 18, the birht mother doesn't even have the right to claim them at all. niether does the birth father. i hope this helps you out

Answer 7

I will let you know in my state children not adopted who age out often go back.  They are turnded on the street and rather be in  a bad situation than  on the street. they end up taking care of their parent/s and or being abused still.

Those who get adopted especially older ones have a realtionship with the family  (not bio parents but extended family)   but still love and stay with their adoptive parents.  There are exceptions to every rule though

Answer 8

Once you have legally adopted them, they are yours no matter how old they are.  When they turn 18, they are considered adults - it's a non issue.

Answer 9

"Going back" to the first family doesn't mean that they sever themselves from your family.  Many adopted persons choose to reunite with their first families.  They want to know their origins.  It's not about whether or not they were happy with their adoptive families.  

I am adopted and reunited with my first family.  It is an entirely separate issue from my  relationship with my adoptive family.  If an adopted person severs him or her self from his or her adoptive family, it's likely for the same kinds of reasons that a biological child severs him or her self from his or  hۀer family.  

It's not about picking one family over the other.  We're no less capable of having multiple relationships are varying types in our lives than any other people.

Answer 10

My nephew found his birth mom after he turned 18, they all have a good relationship.  I would rather not wait till my son's 18 to find his birth mommy.  He knows her as we are adopting out of foster care and the relinquishment was just completed this year.  If she would just clean up her act, I would like to have an open relationship with her...I think it would help my (our) son alot.

Answer 11

It's always a childs right to contact their birth parents after 18 years of age. They can't take the child back, because legally the child is an adult and besides you are the adoptive mother, meaning they don't have parental rights to the child in question. But if the child wants to contact or the birth parents want to contact, then it's their decision. At 18 it's up to him/her on what they want to do. Just continue to be a great mom. God Bless.

Answer 12

If they wanted to track down their birth family they can when they turn 18 but once you adopt them they are your children by law.  Many adopted kids though growup and want to search for their birth parent(s) and family line to know where they came from.

Answer 13

i can answer this question from experience. I am a child that was adopted from birth and i am about a month away from turning 18. Which means if i wanted to I can go look for my birth parents. It depends on what kinda of adoption it is. If its a closed adoption like mine: the biological parents and the child cannot come in contact until the child reaches the age of 18. The adoptive parents and the biological parents NEVER MEET!. In a open adoption the biological parents and the adoptive parents meet and the child stays in contact with the biological family. The type of adoption is chosen by the biological parents. If the child wants to return once finding their parents, they can because they are legally an adult. Its all on the child.

Answer 14

they can when they are eighteen but until then they cannot unless they have open adoption in which they would live with their aadoptive parents and see their birth parents.