Do creepy men know they're creepy and?

Question

what's the best way to maintain a professional relationship with someone who always uses indirect, covert ways to flirt BUT DENIES it when confronted?

Answer 1

They must..we men tell them often enough..and you women do too don't you? They just don't get it or don't care. I'm not sure which but there are many many men just as embarrassed by these creeps behavior as you are.  

Answer 2

Ignore them.

Answer 3

Some do, and enjoy the effect it has on others, whereas some are simply not very with-it.

Regarding the annoying co-worker, what he is doing is a form of bullying, also known as workplace harassment. He seems very clever about it, but he is still just a bully at heart.

I've put some links below about workplace harassment, which have some great advice for recognising and dealing with this type of behaviour.

In the meantime, I would urge you not to play into his hands by responding to his remarks at all, and take good care to limit the interaction you have with him.

Best of wishes :-)

Answer 4

Many do. I think they find themselves hilarious.

An old friend of mine used to get drunk and behave very creepily towards girls... we were never concerned for them because these were tough punk girls who know how to throw down, but anyway... his predilection for skeezin' girls out made us name him "Little g*y Jay Creepyhands" and every time he came over with a bottle of whiskey we'd do a Boris Karloff's hands impression and cackle "CREEPYHANDS HAS ARRIVED! GLUE YOUR PANTIES ON!"

Answer 5

Most creepy guys don't think they're creepy, they think they're cool.

Answer 6

some do and some don't, they are also individuals and cant be pigeon holed.

Answer 7

NO.creepy men don't realize what they are doing actually creeps others out.They don't know that the things they do is creepy.

Answer 8

Just ask them to stop if it bothers you. they will keep doing it if you do not say something.

Answer 9

Creepy men don't know they're creepy until we tell them here on Y!A.

As for your second question, just because a ball is thrown at you does not mean you have to catch it.  Continue to behave towards the idiot in a professional manner.  Act like his stupid comments were never made.  And there's nothing wrong with pretending you didn't hear them.  Cultivate the art of the straight face and the cold stare.  For God's sake, don't play the part of the victim or the flustered girl.

Answer 10

Many know, but some are clue less and some may not even be flirting.  For instance my father-in-law is like this-people probably think he is flirting with them all of the time but he just talks a lot and likes to give people his phone number and get it.  He is always talking to women giving them directions or whatever.  He always opens doors and compliments people or teases them--it probably seems flirtatious but it isn't.

The best way is to either ignore it or firmly state that you do not appreciate that kind of behavior.

Trust me, I have worked with the elderly and a lot of old men play into the old and senile thing a little too much when you know they really know what they are doing.  I have known girls to where fake wedding rings to work so they won't.  You can't cuss them out or anything so you just tell them that kind of behavior isn't appreciated.  I once told an old man that and he continued with his comments so I changed the subject and starting talking about his daughter in law.  Once he knew that I knew her--he never did again, lol.

Answer 11

I would think the best way to always be with someone else (if you can) when this person is around. Try not to ever be alone with them. If it becomes unbearable, report this person to HR.

I think some guys think you will eventually give in - give him a chance. But if you don't want it, take steps to show that you don't.

Answer 12

do creepy guys no there creepy???  who cares wat they no or think...  jus try to avoid them...

an if the jerk denies hes flirting... then jus play dumb an pretend u dont no hes flirting...  jus ignore it...

Answer 13

Sorry to tell you, but creepiness is common in women too, and precocious behaviour in women is more readily excused.

Fout thumbs down?  Ah, bring them on, it still does not invalidate the truth of my position.

Answer 14

Creepy guys exist in the "uncomfortable zone." They don't think they're doing anything wrong and when confronted they'll react poorly or resentfully to it.

The people saying to ignore it have either had some stroke of luck, or they haven't dealt with the typical persistently creepy guy The typical creepy guy just doesn't get it, and will keep doing it, the shoulder rubs, the weird looks, the personal-space hogging, the weird comments, until someone does something.

I'd recommend a confrontation of some kind. For example, lets say you have a "shoulder rubber" for a creepy guy. Lets call him Bob. The next time he comes by and places his paws on you, you HAVE to say "look, Bob, seriously, it creeps me out when you start rubbing on me like that, okay? I'm just not a touchy person and it bugs me. I gotta ask you to stop doing it."

Bob is going to be resentful. He may make smart-alek comments a couple of times. This is why it is ESSENTIAL that you get at least two other people on your team for this one. When the inevitable awkward moment in the lunch room occurs when Bob comes up behind you and then says "Oh, that's right, YOU don't like to be touched. SORRY!" You're going to need backup to set Bob straight and let him know that you're well within your rights to not be touched, and that, in fact, they find it kind of weird too. Chances are, the rest of the office, spurned your cohorts, will feel empowered to voice their own discomfort over it.

Bob may mope for a while, but chances are he'll approach you later in private with a "geez,I'm really sorry, I honestly didn't realize it was bugging you." You see, often enough, the creepy guy has lower-than-normal self esteem, and these issues make him respond in many unsavory ways. He'll recoil at rejection, but his overwhelming need for affirmation will probably bring him back around to you, and he'll put the effort into rebuilding the relationship without getting all handsy.

Answer 15

I honestly don't know.  I think many lack the social skills to see what they are doing is not appreciated by others.  Often times you can simply say "When you do _____, it makes me thing/feel ______.  It probably makes others feel the same.  I think if you did ________ instead people would appreciate it more."

Something to that effect.  In my experience with people like this they know they have social problems but are really unsure of how the things they are doing are perceived.  Sometimes they just need a little advice or help.....and sometimes you need to stay as far away from them as humanly possible.