Do females have a harder time discovering their true sexual identity?

Question

I'm 27 and identify as a L*****n. When I was a teenager, I identified as bisexual. I had sexual relationships with both males and females. I had a few short relationships with males but nothing compared to the relationships I had with females. Thinking I was bisexual went on for several years until I finally realized I was only interested in females. I think I tried to convince myself I was bisexual and figured if I played the part long enough, I could be. I'm not sure why I did this and felt this way.

I was never under much parental, social or religious pressure to be a certain way. I have always been a non-conformist and have never cared much about what anyone thinks of me. I think mostly it was a personal struggle. Most of my female friends who identify as L*****n have gone through the same thing I did in their younger years. However, most of my g*y male friends have always known they were g*y and didn't go through an experimental/questioning phase.

Generally I think being a L*****n is more acceptable in society than being a g*y male. Sure, anyone can experience homophobia but it seems to be targeted more towards g*y men. This isn't a fact or anything, just from what I have noticed. It just makes me wonder even more why many lesbians have a harder time coming to terms with their sexuality than a lot of g*y men.

Any opinions?

Answer 1

hey abstract, thanks for the story ummm I am 20 and consider myslef bi, but deep down know i am prob a L*****n.......i think given literally a few more years I will feel comfortable enough with myself to drop the bi part, - with things like g*y marrage being more accepted.....the thing is when you are a bit older, you really dont care what people think of you, but at uni i still hear conversations like "i dont get why someone would want to be g*y" or just "he is a f*g" etc.....and i am prob not strong enough to deal with that yet..considering i have found relatoinships with men hard enough! x

Answer 2

yes they do

Answer 3

I think that, if lesbians do have a harder time coming to terms with it, it's because society represents lesbians as being something that men have a part of aswell. I might be reading too far into things but, personally, i struggle with the fact that, while g*y men get treated more aggressively than lesbians, I can't be affectionate anywhere with my girlfriend without having a group of guys whistle and jeer at me. Even though i can't blame the guys. I mean, what L*****n p**n isn't actually marketed to men? and how many depictions of threesomes involve one guy and two girls?

I don't think it has anything to do with not being able to realise that they like girls. I just think that we, as people, are still taught that women please men an men get pleasured. This means that if a guy knows he likes men then he has to gain the courage to tell people that that is what he likes and he's not afraid of it. Women, on the other hand, have to both sum up the courage to come out and relearn what they've been taught about pleasing men and especially, the L*****n role in pleasing men. I expect that this is why alot of girls go from straight, to bi, to g*y.

Please don't think that i'm saying that it's easier for g*y men, because i'm not. I know it's much harder because of further social ideology regarding gender roles, which is even more irrational. I'm also not making any comments on bisexuality being related to the whole "women please men" thing, it's a completely different issue.

Answer 4

I pretty much was the same as you , in the beginning BI and still with men and not sure why, but i think men actually have a harder time with it all, i mean you only have to look at straight men who love lesbians (hot ones) buut i guess the thought of 2 butch lesbians together not such a turn on for them?? When 2 guys are together they get the most stick for being who they are, society just dosent seem to like the idea of 2 men nor 2 women SERIOUSLY beng together in a relationship.

Answer 5

<THEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN IN THE OLD DAYS>

<WHEN MEN WHERE AND WEMON WHERE WEMON>

<BUT NOT THE ONES THESE DAYS>  

Answer 6

I never had a hard time coming to terms with my sexualilty...  

Answer 7

Months ago I was confused about my orientation (L*****n or bi). And I realized I am bi. I can only speak for and about myself so I kinda agree with you. About how society accepts g*y and L*****n people I think it's different because people "know" that there are two "kinds" of lesbians. The girlie L*****n and the butch L*****n. Actually I think that society loves to label everything and everyone they see. But with g*y men it's different because the stereotype of g*y men is feminine men but there are masculine and feminine g*y guys and girls. I think society worries too d**n much about labels and is against equality between people.