Do i have any rights as an adoptee?

Question

I have recently found my birthmother, we are on good terms but still tip toe around who my birth father is. She is not willing to let me know his name but tells him things about him. I am frustrated and just want to meet him once. What makes it worse it that we live in neighboring small towns. So I know how close he is. What rights do I have to know am i asking to much?

Answer 1

Tell her that for medical reasons you feel that you need to know who he is. My best friend in middle/high school was not adopted, but her mom refused to tell her who her real dad was (She was kind of trampy and most likely didn't know herself) and it reallly affected her. I also used to date a guy who's mom refused to tell him who his real dad was. It just is not fair to kids not to have that info.

Answer 2

Well you have the right to vote....and the right ot a fair trial... you also have the right to ask her, however she isnt obligated to tell you anything.....

Answer 3

I know how you feel. My b-mom did not tell me about my b-father. She kept that secert to her grave. I would be honest with her and tell why meeting him is important. I would also ask why his idenity has to be so secert.

Answer 4

you have the same rights as anyone else. find out the name of the agency you were placed with and see if they have any records of your father. or hire a private investigator  or place an ad in your local paper. good luck in your search

Answer 5

you have all the rights to know about your birth parents. But as you say you are not looking for a father figure!

Mention to your mom, that her speaking about this person is making you very eager to get connected to him. May be she will stop talking about this person,who hasn't been for you anyway....or you get to meet this person!

Answer 6

No

Adoptees don't have rights don't you know ! We are second class citizens looked upon with contempt

You just go ahead and do what you want and find him

Good Luck x

Answer 7

you do have a right to know this information (depending on where you live). I am from the UK and used the agency who delt with my adoption to obtain some information. Try them. Your old enough to see your files.

If that doesnt work then you could always be patient with your birth mother and hope she will spill the beans so to speak. It takes a while to strike up any kind of relationship with your bio, I know from first hand.

I would still, in the meantime, do digging of your own though too. What harm can it do. You have a right to know. I hope you find everything you want to know, I know how hard it can be.

Very best luck to you

Answer 8

she should tell you..you are 26 and that would p**s me off ..why hide it...thats just stupid on her part..and perhaps this is a touchy subject with me because i met someone who claims me as his own...is he...its anyones guess i do know he isnt the man my mother thought was my father...he wants nothing to do with me..lol...but whatever his loss because he may have two grandkids that are great if i do say so myself..lol

Answer 9

yes you have rights as many as everyone have

Answer 10

just ask your mom who he is, and if she wont tell ask her why, you dont really have any right to know, unless its on the birth cirtificate, then you should have it somewere

Answer 11

you're 26.  you can do whatever you want.

this is a free country, assuming you live in the US.  i would go for it.

Answer 12

It's a tough one.

If he's not listed on any document (you may or may not be able to get hold of - due to stupid sealed records) - sadly it's up to your mother if she'll let you know the name or not.

I don't think it's morally right - but I'm not sure what you can do about it.

My mother wouldn't tell me - but I searched until I found out.

I got in touch with other family members - until I found out my truth. (but I'm pretty stubborn like that!!)

Perhaps you could mention that you'll search around until you find your truth. Yes - that's kind of black-mail-ish.....but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

Was he a married man - and therefore she doesn't want the full story to come out - maybe. (or something like that)

It's sad - we should be allowed to know our truth.

In fact - it sucks that others hold our info - part of US - from us.

I'm so sorry she's doing this to you.

It hurts like h**l - and it's just as frustrating.

Keep asking.

Keep saying that he is a part of you - whether she wants to admit it or not - and it should be your knowledge to have.

I wish you all the very best.

Answer 13

I don't want to be nasty (after all I have been in the same boat) but could there be any chance she was raped? Sorry if that is hurtful, it just occurred to me, that it could be a reason for not telling a child who their father is.

As she has told you some things about him, it's probably not the case. You can only tell her your need and explain that you will always be wondering and searching. Promise to be discrete. (could he have been married?)

As for rights, if she won't tell, I don't think you can make her. Unless it's on your original birth cert, I don't know, how you will find out. Does your mother have siblings, can you ask them? Or an old friend of hers...someone who would have known her at the time of your birth.

I'm in my mid forties and found my dad last month, my family would not help, in fact tried to make me NOT look. Now I have a half brother and a very loving father. Don't give up. My mother gave me a name and a lot of 'mis-information' to send me in the wrong direction.

Good luck.