Do i have the right to get intimidated?

Question

yesterday i had a bad argument w/mom. about my son. my son had ADHD and yesterday his being very hyper....for some reason my mom told him this...."omg, i'm wondering what other people will think. if they saw u like that"....(in a very high tone)

i felt so bad that she even told my son that......i mean, who cares what other people think....its not like there the one. who's feeding me and my son...u know what i mean??

plus she's my mom she need to understand that my son has ADHD...also lately she like to compare him to her other grandkids......

will u feel bad too?

Answer 1

I also get very defensive of my kid but you have to first realize that your mom loves you and wants to help in your life, not cause you grief. A person who does not care, does not get involved.

For their generation, it is particularly difficult for them to deal with issues that get noticed and attract attention. The important thing is to help her to communicate effectively so that hurtful things are minimized and she takes a more balanced approach, also placing equal or more importance on the positive aspects (improvements, achievements, etc.). If you take a less defensive attitude, you may see better ways to deal with her.

Incidentally, my family is dealing with a similar issue and decided to treat the issue with medication. I can honestly say that we have seen some very positive results, most significantly that the grades and classroom behavior have improved considerably. If you decide to go this route, treat the medication as "vitamins" and do not let the kid feel that he is any different from anybody else. People will notice the positive change and you should see a boost in self esteem.

Answer 2

Definately She has no right to think that way of her granchild (your son) if anything she should be the one to understand and support him and help him in anyway that she can no put him down for it. If things dont get better the best thing to do and i know i would do is keep him away from her.

Answer 3

Yes... but more about grief for how people aren't truly kind to each other so often. I wouldn't spend much time feeling bad about my hurt feelings even though it would hurt some. It's that kind of fear and judgement that causes suffering.

"Forgive them for they know not what they do." - God.

People like your Mom , even all of us sometimes, lack God's kind of love. She needs to focus on Love and not what other people think. People live in fear of each other too often and not with Love like God says. You may not change anyone else by reminding them of that but you can acknowledge your Mom's failings, love her anyway like God does us with all our failings, and hope maybe someday she will overcome her weakness of fear of what others think and live fully in God's kind of love. ALL of mankind is in need of mercy.... whether they understand why or not. God have mercy on us all.

Chris

Answer 4

Your mom probably didnt mean it like that. You know how frustrated you can get with a child that suffers from ADHD. My son has it also, sometimes I lose my cool and then feel horrible afterward. So just give her a break, I'm sure she didnt say it just to be mean.

Answer 5

i would be mad i know how you feel my 6 year old has adhd and autism and my family don't have time for him if he goes off on one of his tantrums they tell him he acts like a mad man not that they help with the kids any way maybe tell your mum to think before she makes a comment about your son. good luck

Answer 6

Tell mom she hurt your feelings. My mother always compared us kids to each other and guess what-none of us talk to each other. I never brought that up to her because what it comes down to is we all make our own choices. She's not to blame but when she started comparing my kids to each other I asked her to stop.

I do however listen to what she has to offer and she does the same for me. She is older and wiser and has been through it before me. There is very little new in parenting-just the same stuff with new names.

Treat Mom well with respect and ask for the same. That's a big lesson for kids to learn-you love someone no matter what.  

Answer 7

Yes, my son had a friend and he was hyper and my husband could not stand him, but I understood him having a brother who was violent, so ADHD was so much more managable, this kid got saved because i was liek his second mom, and my brother got saved because I understood my brother, he was always gettign beatin up by my mom and dad, they thought thwey could beat him inot submission, yea right, I never saw anone with a strong will like my brother. Anyways, sorry if you are not religious, I am just trying to make a point of what happens when you have th eability to except people for who they are, but you can;t change how some people react to ADHD kids either. My husband is having a tuff time with my daughter to, he kind of treats her liek the black sheep, so I have to go rambo on him sometimes, and let him know enough is enough.

Answer 8

Talk with her and suggest to her that she work on her patience and tolerance.  Children with adhd need encouragement and support.  I understand sometimes people lose their patience, especially older people but she should not compare him to the other children.  Remember to keep your conversation with your mom about the subject friendly and constructive and your son does not to be privy to what is said.

Answer 9

I would feel bad because she's my mom saying this.  However, just reading it sounds like she was trying to get him to calm down and to get him to try to understand that he's being very hyper right now.

Answer 10

Stop her from seing him, what a horrible person!

Answer 11

It's wrong. My dad used to tell me that I should be more like other kids, and sometimes that really bugged me. But maybe she expressed her feeling the wrong way. Like she ment he should be a littlebit carefull or something but made it sound rude exidentaly.

Answer 12

I thinkt hat in her own way she was trying to tell him to think about his behavior.  My daughter has ADD-without hyperactivity.  She too, needs to think before she acts.  Tell your mom that you appreciate the fact that she is trying to help, but that she needs to be more sensavite to the fact that he has feelings.  Tell her that she needs to find different words to make him calm down.  I am very frank with my daughter as to what her problems are.  If she is not paying attention I say "you need to try to focus"  or "I know it is hard for you, but please, you need to calm down"  As far as comparing him to the other kids, all kids are different, ADHD or not.  Just say, please don't compare him, he is not like the other kids.