Do i have to give a wedding present?

Question

I asked a similar question before but the circumstances kind of changed. About 8 mos ago I got married and the only things i made my friends pay for was the flight (i gave them hotel, food, transportation, didnt make them buy bridesmaid dresses, and discouraged gifts as we are all young an poor). My old friend didnt come because she said she couldnt afford it (but she told me she gets paid well so I just think she chose not to spend the money)...but i gave her 8 mos notice to save for the flight...She didnt get me a gift or a card or anything. I decided to go to her wedding (I felt bad b/c no other friends of hers will be attending), paid alot of money for the flight, and she is making me buy a bridesmaid dress (that there is no way I can alter and wear again as its very bridesmaidy) which, with alterations will come to 200$. The point is, my husband is all pissy about the money (especially that she refused my suggestion of a dress that can be worn again) and doesnt want to get her a gift, i kind of dont want to either...what do you think?

P.S. sorry for long post

Answer 1

She doesn't sound like a very good friend... and seems very self-centered.  I wouldn't get her anything either.

And you shouldn't feel bad that none of her other friends aren't going, odds are she acted the same way to them as she is to you and pissed them all off.

Answer 2

I think you being a part of her wedding and the expense you have to put up front to do it is present enough.

Sure two wrongs do not make it right. But your expenses to be a part of her wedding are far more than you ever expected of her and she chose to to be a part of yours.

Friendships, real friendships withstand petty stuff like thsi and the question of whether or not you gave a present never comes up, or should.

If it becomes a big issue then consider letting her know you have had things come up that prevent you from being a part of it, regretfully.

Your heart has to be there for you to want to be a part of it.

It is incredibly distasteful of her to ask for cash in place of gifts. She seems like a shallow type of person or she would have been by your side when you got married.

Answer 3

ok first of all, you dont want to p**s off your new husband, and you dont need to be spending all this money when she didnt do anything for you or your wedding, so i would just not go(since she isnt a sincre friend) and just send her card with a $10 gift card in it or jsut $10 bucks, save your money and do something to keep your hubby happy!!

Answer 4

Be the better person. Life would kind of suck if all you did your entire life was seek revenge. I say give her $20 in a card (that's what my mom does) or a $50 gift card to Walmart or Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Answer 5

Write the couple a very nice card. By the way, you can always politely decline to be a bridesmaid due to the cost. (The bride sounds like the kind of girl who would understand the choice to spend the money on other things!)

Answer 6

no, i don't think you should. you are already spending enough time and energy on her wedding and she didn't have the same courtesy for yours. get her a card wishing her the best of luck.

Answer 7

ya know, this is up to you, but I think you are being a little bit petty.  She is probably registerd at Macy's or some store like that.  Get her a $25 gift card and send a nice note. Boo hoo, get over it.

Answer 8

Give her a card with $10 in it.  That's cash.  She gave you nothing, but don't lower yourself to her standards.  

Answer 9

No gift...the cash is just tacky...buy her a lovely card and write some heartfelt sentiments about how their love to each other is the best gift of all =)  

Answer 10

this sounds like a simple problem. dont pay for the dress. shes supposed to be your friend right? she didnt even come to your wedding. and now she expects you to come... AND pay for the flight and a dress? shes supposed to prvide the dress for you. its not your job. i say you stand up for yourself.  

Answer 11

Personally, I'd skip her wedding altogether.  Maybe there is a reason her other friends aren't coming!!  But if you're truly committed to going, I would skip getting a present.  You're already giving your time, energy, and money to the event (and your bridesmaid dress), so you would be just fine to skip a gift.

Oh, and "only wanting cash" for wedding gifts is a red flag.  Are you SURE you want to attend this wedding?  

Answer 12

well, you really can't be mad b/c she didn't go to your wedding. Maybe she gets paid well, but you don't know what her bills are and stuff, and the rest of her financial situation. That being said. I paid for a flight to the bahamas, my bridesmaid dress, the alterations, a hotel for 5 days in the bahamas, and i still gave my best friend a good chunk of money. But that;s just me. I guess you could tell her that being in her wedding is your gift to her. OR you could make her a little basket with like wine and cheese in it or something. Technically it is her wedding, so she can choose the dress that she wants you to wear. I know that sucks ...but hey, that's life and you chose to be a bridesmaid, so you should have known how it was going to be...and if you didn't want to do it you should have said no. I think that if you are going to be upset with her, and are using all these reasons to not get her a gift, and be mad...you should just back out of the wedding all toghether.

Maybe she wasn't able to pay for the bridesmaid dresses and all that other stuff.  

Answer 13

Wow, there's a reason why her other friends are attending, she's a real piece of work. That said, you should still get her a little something, a card holding all of your reservation info (no $ amounts on it, just the information) for your airfare and hotel.  

Answer 14

gift card