Do like this short poem i wrote?

Question

this poem is something thought of and i just used my self in it

love vest

i used to have a vest on my chest not bullet proof but hurt proof one that wrap around your heart to keep it at a comfortable rest but the time came along when i open up and gave it a test will this help me rise above all are sink into the deepest depths are leave my heart out my chest my mind cofused and my body in a bloody mess

Answer 1

I like it, I like it a lot but you need to include punctuation to make it easier to read!

Answer 2

I do like your idea and vision, however it is subjegated within the context and wording, which in turn makes it very hard to read, good attemp though.

Answer 3

overall it's pretty good..mihgt need editing though.

how about mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

I think you hit on a lot of what people feel in general when they go out on a limb with love.  It would help the reading immensely if this was in a more standard poetry form with line breaks though.  Other than a few word choice issues here or there I thought it flowed pretty well and you kept it to the one subject.

Answer 5

I love it