Do men require a long time to heal after a break-up? And what's his motivation for telling me I'm "pretty"?

Question

A guy I have feelings for recently moved out of his home when he found out his girlfriend cheated on him, and ended the relationship.

Recently, I posted a new profile photo on facebook and he sent me a message out of the blue that said "you're prettier than ever." I'm thinking of asking him if he'd like to get together for lunch and catch up (it has been years since we've seen each other).

So my questions are: Do men need a lot of time to heal from a break-up or are they open to new possibilities even while still grieving the ended relationship? And secondly, what's a guy's motivation for telling a girl she looks "prettier than ever."

Please no pigeon holing/generalizations! There's more than one possibility, and I'm interested in your take on this. Thanks so much.

Answer 1

the answer to part of your question is IN your question: "Please no pigeon holing/generalizations! There's more than one possibility"

each man takes each relationship ending differently.   you can't say all men get over every relationship a certain way.  you just have to see how your friend feels about it by talking to him.  i would move slowly though, if i were you.  you don't want to be the rebound.  

Answer 2

I disagree with GoodGyrl. Men are human beings, not robots. Most men DO feel hurt, and some men are absolutely devastated by breakups, on a scale that most women would not be able to comprehend. Men may be slow to get attached, but once we do get attached, it is very difficult for us to let go.

I resent the assertion that most men are just out looking for s*x.  

Answer 3

Most men don't. They just sleep with someone else and move on. Unfortunately, the human emotion can't really be trusted right after a break up. Generally, people want to be "petted" - meaning, they want someone to validate them so that they can mentally say, "Whew ... it wasn't me." A guy's motivation for telling a girl she looks pretty is just that: she looks pretty. Some will do it just to say anything to flatter you and get you into bed, some will be honest and just leave it at paying you a compliment without expectation.

We would naturally have to make a  **few** generalizations, since we don't know this person you're speaking of.

Answer 4

In my opinion you should definitely get together with him.  What I think is going on is this, he had an eye opening experience with his girlfriend and his eyes were opened to other things as well which is why he seems to be just now noticing how pretty you are.  As for how long men need to heal it depends on the man and the situation, I would think getting over someone who cheated on me would be much easier than if I thought everything was going great and she dumped me out of the blue.

You should definitely pursue this, it's very possible he has had feelings for you but suppressed them while he was in this relationship, that would explain why he seems to be taking more notice of you now.  These are just my opinions as a man.

Answer 5

it really depends ont he person and how hurt he was. if he slowly knew this for long time and slowly knew things were wrong it could be ready now and sometimes they have to be with themselves for awhile but him saying hes ready and moving is good sign and you can talk to him and find out what is up. he'll let you know if he talks about her alot then hes not over her any more. you have to be kinda friendly and find out.

Answer 6

Men are not that different from women..  especially if she left him .. he will be on the rebound.. and any relationship he starts now.. will probably.. not last.. because he enters it for all the wrong reasons.. his feelings are hurt to have been dumped and he thinks like women do as well they can get over it by going straight into a new relationship.. often however they need more time.. men and women.. to get first over the anger and also over the pain .. and other feelings it may cause to have been the one who has been left.. for some there will be mixed feelings.. a feeling of anger.. a feeling of loss a feeling of pain.. a feeling of losing a bit of self esteem therefore I believe for men and women it's good to get over those feelings before they date again.. then they won't be on the rebound and the next relationship really happens because they are ready for it.. not because they want to replace what was lost but are not emotionally ready yet.. the same goes for guys and women...x*x I would approach such a relationship very slowly.. as a friendship and not more.. because he is on the rebound and if you look for romance with him now.. it will go the wrong way.. but if you can be  a friend then it may lead to more but you need patience...

Answer 7

By asking if all men need a long time, you're asking for a generalization.  Some people need time, some don't.  He may have said you were pretty because he wants to get over his ex by 'getting under' someone else.  He may have just wanted to pay you a compliment.  By all means, suggest getting together with him.  Talking face to face is probably the only way you are going to figure this out with any certainty.