Do my son hate me? Did I lose him while trying to save him?

Question

Four years ago my son was 14 and selling drugs and going to prison. I didn`t have a man in the house so I sent him out of town to live with his dad.Now he`s back at age 18 and he is a perfect gentleman. Don`t like the saggy pants thingie, Don`t use drugs or wanna wear certain colors or have any kids but he is convinced that i sent him by his dad because i didn`t want to deal with him as a teen when the truth is, i was terrified that i would lose him to the streets but he don`t believe me.We had a great relationship together before he left.We use to do so much together but now he don`t even wanna too much talk to me. He is always so sad and so distant.We both are hurting.He keep saying that he wanna go and live with my crack head cousin.What am I going to do?I pray all the time for him. I even got one of our youth ministers to talk to him. He won`t even embrace God anymore. I might lose him all because i tried to save him.I`d rather die then to live and know that my son hates me.

Answer 1

wow you really stepped up as mom and did some tough loving

I think your son will understand just give him some time.  If you explained your self to him, it may not be now, but maybe in a couple years or maybe you have to wait until he has his own kids.  

Now that I am a mom I realize all the stuff my parents did for me was in my best interest.  Stay strong.

Answer 2

No, you didn't lose him because you tried to save him, you lost him because HE MADE BAD CHOICES!!!!!

HE CHOSE TO SELL DRUGS, ETC!!  Until he straightens up his life and gets some values and principles in his life, he probably won't be very responsive to you.  IT"S NOT YOUR FAULT - you tried to save him!!  It's up to him to decide whether to waste his life or not!!

Answer 3

He will probably never understand until he becomes a parent

Answer 4

That's a tough one. It's obvious he is a different boy to when he left, so maybe you can't have the same relationship that you had before. Understand that he is different, so try and build up a relationship based on who he is now. Maybe religion isn't the right way to go? Try doing things that he wants to do, and over time you should be able to develop a strong relationship. Don't try to force your way into it too soon, as it could have a worse effect. I truly hope that you and your son can work through this.

Answer 5

He wants you to feel bad about what you did. Don't let it get to you. You can see what you did was right. He straightened his life out. and hes a better person today. He just wants to play the guilt game on you. Don't let it get to you. Hes a grown man now. tell him if thats what he wants to do. Go live with his cousin then tell him go ahead. Hes laying the guilt trip on you. And yo ucan also tell him, you don't have to let him stay there. He is of age. and you can have him removed if need be. by the police. tell him and make sure he knows you will do it. Hes using his hurt to get to you. hes playing with your mind. out smart him. tell him what he wants to hear. then lay the guilt on him.

Answer 6

you know when i was younger i pretty much did the same to my mom and yeah i made alot of bad mistakes but now im older and i understand the things my mom did was beause she loved me. he will come around,just be there for him every step of the way

Answer 7

I think he'll understand if he'll have kids they'll be the same with him.