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Question

So much pain I try to hide

So much hurt I keep inside There is no where I con go

To escape from this h**l I'm in

This pain is suffocationg me

I don't know how much more

I can take without breaking into pieces

(chorus)

Please help me to break free

From these chains that are holding me sown

Please help me to escape

From these walls that are holding me back

Please help me to break free

Please help me to escape

From this pain I'm in

What do you think of it so far?

Title?

Improvments?

What else can I add?

btw

write poetry

first try at writing a song

only 16

Answer 1

Title: This Pain I'm In, maybe...

Answer 2

I don't recommend asking people for help when it comes to writing poetry or songs...because then its not an expression of you...another person's ideas have been thrown into the mix...and it wont turn out the way you want it to, i think...of course, thats a matter of personal choice, its just that you cant expect anyone to share your exact vision of what this song will be...Good stuff, just elaborate and finish it off....your way, lol. I'd like to see some of your poetry too...

Do me a favour and take a look at this?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 3

So much pain that I hide

So much hurt

I keep inside

no place to go

To escape from this h**l I'm in

This pain is suffocationg me

I don't know how much more

I can take without breaking into pieces

(chorus)

Please help me  break free

these chains that are holding me sown

escape

From these walls that hold me back

Please help me  break free

Please help me  escape

From this pain I'm in

edited...its really good. keep writingXD

try to limit using the word "to" sometimes you dont really need it but get the same wording