Do other PARENTS make you crazy?

Question

I have 3 kids and meet a wide variety of parents. I am trying very hard to be accepting of other parenting styles and I understand that everyone has a different perspective, and many are different from mine. What I have a problem with is the parents who's kids are out of control or openly defiant and the parents stress and jabber on about their kids' behavior problems. If they are asking advice, I offer some of mine and I know that it is up to them to take it. If they are not asking, I keep my mouth shut.

Some of these people I might have liked if I had met them away from their kids. What I need is a way to tolerate them since many I will have to interact with over the years. What do you say when a parent is complaining for the 1000th time about their kids and yet not willing/able to change their parenting to fix the problem? Gritting my teeth and keeping my mouth shut is getting really hard and I find myself stressing about running into these parents. I'm not looking for ways to help them or necessarily build a friendship but I need a way to manage my feelings so I can 'be nice'.

Does anyone else deal with this problem?

Answer 1

well you need time away from your kids if their are that bad they need time away from theirs as well...so make dates to go out without them..for a coffee or to the mall...something

Answer 2

yes I have had that problem with a friend of mine who has a son the same age as my 3 year old daughter. she is constantly complains about her son's behavior. I have given her advice on how to handle certain situations but it seems like the next day there are always something else to complain about. I just take it like this I've given you the best advice I can if you choose not to take it that's your problem. now as for how I do my best not to say anything so I can remain nice is by looking at my own child, seriously I look at her as my reminder to be nice because that badly behaved child isn't my child I've done my job and I  can't make everyone else's problem my problem, she is also a reminder that I am a good parent.

Answer 3

I hate unruly kids, so I stay away from them but I know I'm going to have a hard time when my daughter starts making friends and going to school.

I'm just going to keep my mouth shut UNLESS these kids will be in my care (ie sleep overs, play dates, etc.), then I'll speak with the parent if the kid is just unbearable.

Answer 4

Noo, I've never felt like that. I figure, their children, their problem.

I have enough stuff going on in MY life, I don't take the time to worry about other Parents and what is going on with their children. I take care of my kid and I let others take care of theirs.

If someone asks my opinion, I offer it and that's that. I don't sit and dwell about it ..

You are putting wayyyy too much time and effort into other people. You have 3 children of your own, you need to worry about those kids and focus on them. You can't worry about the rest of the parents out there ..

.. and WHY would you even want to?

Answer 5

I mentally pat myself on the back, and think how great I am at parenting. I've learnt the hard way not to offer advice to any parents. If they know that they need it, they also know where to find it.  If kids are disruptive, I limit contact to public places like the park.

Answer 6

Maybe they don't agree with your parenting techniques either.  I deal with this by minding my own business.  Talk about complaining I just read a 2 paragraph complaint.

Answer 7

I was around so many parents while my kids were growing up & never saw this at all. Most of the time we attract to us what we project. This must be an issue for you. Can you stop judging these families? Once you do you will notice the kids are fine, the parents are fine & life is good.  

Answer 8

Being A Football,Wrestling and Cheer Mom I have MANY occasions where I run across Parents that have ABSOLUTELY no idea of how to deal with nor Discipline their kids...If any of them ASK me about my Parentong Style and Why My kids are Obedient and Respectful (which there have been several occasions that they HAVE ASKED) I WILL tell them...BUT if they DON'T ask I just shake my head, laugh and KEEP MY KIDS AWAY FROM THEIRS...Honestly this is what I do!

Answer 9

I hear you loud and clear.  There are some moms I know that just drive me crazy as well.  It's not always their defiant or rowdy children, it's more the parents that have the mentality and attitude that "my children are better than your children and all my ways are right and superior to yours".  

I usually just make polite chit-chat and try to get out of there as fast as possible.  I try not to use any words that may turn into some kind of brag-fest.  I don't care if you're on the PTA, make a 4 course dinner nightly, have overachieving children and a house that would make Martha Stewart envious.  

Sorry but the only method i've found so far is grin (or grit your teeth) and bear it.

Answer 10

If it's bothering you this much... just have a quick hi and bye chat and keep walking

Answer 11

Absolutely! I think it is extremely disrespectful, especially in public, to have your kids misbehaving and bothering other people. Even if they are being too loud, it is disruptive. I understand that kids will be kids, but my parents raised me with an iron fist, and because of that, I was a very well behaved child that other people loved to be around. If they are complaining to you about it, turn it the other way. Don't tell them for theirs and their kids sake, but tell them how much the behavior is unfair to the people who have to be around their kids (teachers, babysitters, extended family,etc.) Tell them that they need to follow your advice if they want to mold their offspring into children that other people will want to be around.

Answer 12

Oh yes, i definetly have this same EXACT problem when meeting other parents! I wish i could give great advice, but i'm still mostly in tha "gritting my teeth" stage! i do tell, IN DETAIL my advice, as you said, when, and only when they ask. It's a huge pain though, i know.

Answer 13

Not yet, but I'm sure I soon will.  The thing is, people are really sensitive about how they raise their children.  I would be too.  It is hard to accept advise or criticism from someone.

But, if they keep going on about a particular complaint, you could always suggest "have you ever read that book ....?"  and give them a naem of a good parenting book you know of.  Or even an author or a parenting style.  I personally think Jo from the Supernanny is great and she does write books and has a website.  

You could just save the comment for when they complain.  Keep it short and too the point.  If they complain next time you see them, then say, "Did you ever check out that book, website, theory... I told you about?"