Do other adoptees feel like charity cases when....?

Question

You see questions that ask for donations to help a person to adopt? I don't know that is the way i feel. By saying you are going to do a yard sale, bake sale or some other fund raising to get money to adopt, i equate to contributing to a charity.

I understand that adoption is expensive, and that is why i want reforms in adoption, i feel that it's too expensive and it takes advantage of a persons want to adopt a child. However to label a fundraising for adoption, how would the adopted child feel if they found out that their parents put up fundraisers? I guess i feel that most parents of their biological children don't fundraise for them, so why should it be any different of children of adoptive parents. If someone can explain the reasoning behind the fundraising and asking for donations, without seeming like a charity case; i would so appericate it.

Thanks,

Answer 1

These folks want YOU to pay for their lifestyle choices.

I feel sorry for the child they adopt.

Wonder how this would make a birth mom feel?

Or staff in charge of adopting out orphans over seas?

Answer 2

I agree with the poster who said if your child were sick and needed a kidney, you would fund raise.

Did your parents fund raise to adopt you? Then YOU shouldn't feel like a charity case.

Answer 3

I'm not an adoptee, so I don't know how you feel, but I have a thought to offer.

What if a family had a fund-raiser to pay for a transplant to keep a child alive?  Would you expect that child to feel like a charity case?

To me, it just says they really, really wanted you!

Answer 4

Now this is just my opinion about what I think is behind it...

Adoption not done thru foster care is expensive. Even people with good solid incomes could spend years trying to save up the costs. Perhaps they decided to adopt only after they are 30, and have little savings. So how do they raise the money before they turn 50?

Often family and friends are more than willing to help raise funds and give money to help with the costs. I don't think it is so much about charity, but helping out family and supporting them in their choice to adopt. We adopted from foster care so our cost was extremely minimal, but I know that my family and my husbands family were so excited at the prospect of being aunts uncles grandparents cousins etc that they would have given anything they could if it had cost us more...they would not have done this out of charity...they would have done this out of excitement and love for us.

Biokids are born: there is no need to pay lawyers, adoption agencies, etc etc.  

Answer 5

I have a cousin who said she wanted to adopt because she couldn't have a baby.  They were looking into adoption but at that time "couldn't afford it"  

20 mintues after she told me that she said they were going to buy a $30,000 sports car.   Interesting priorities.

We are not wealthy and live on jus my husbands income but do ok.  Our biological son was hospitalized 3 times before he was 4 months old.  We borrowed some money from our 401K to pay for it.  We did not choose for him to get sick but we did choose to have him and provide for him.  

We also have had foster children and I can assure you they never went without anything because we agreed to provide for all their needs without a hand out.

Answer 6

No.

I get angry KNOWING that these desperate adopters are CREATING a demand for children when they can't even afford the kid.

You never hear that they've saved, say, $15K, and they need another 10.  no, they need it ALL.

Poor and irresponsible does not make the ideal parents to me.  Two adults who can't save money hardly seem capable of providing the "better life" the child's mother was surely promised.

I think of these people who want money from others to adopt as the charity cases, not the doubly unfortunate kids who end up in their care.

Answer 7

This doesn't really answer your question. But, my feelings are that if you can't afford the adoption it probably shouldn't be done not to mention the other expenses involved once the adoption is finalized. My thoughts are the same when a family decides to have a baby. I understand that accidents do happen but many times people breed not taking into consideration the results (lifestyle changes, expenses to raise a child, etc..) Of course many also don't care and choose to do so anyway.

My wife and I adopted a beautiful girl almost 2 yrs ago. We had tried but had fertility issues and the opportunity presented itself to adopt. My wife is in nursing and got a call about her. We were already financially stable and could pay for the adoption. We didn't need to use an agency (it was considered a private adoption) so the expense was much less and we found out about her 10days before birth. She'll be 2 on Sept 2 and is the joy of our life.

Answer 8

I have to wonder about people who can't afford to even adopt the child in the first place.

What happens when the child needs braces?

Or if they break an arm?  

Or if they DO need an organ transplant?

Are these adopters going to be begging for money every time something comes up in this child's life?

I mean, come on.  Adopting is a CHOICE, and a choice that the PARENTS are making.  If you can't even afford the initial adoption, how in the h**l can they afford what comes later?  I would have to be pretty skeptical.

Not to mention the fact that the majority of first mothers are coerced out of their babies for the reasoning of giving their children a "better life", well what kind of "better life" are they getting if their adopters have to beg for the money to adopt them in the first place?

What a joke.

Answer 9

What about natural parents that accept charity? Isn't that kind of similar?

Answer 10

First of all, many parents, whether adopted or natural have fundraisers to have kids, but usually they don't call them that.  They merely sell items on ebay, or have a yard sale.  I never did anything like that to adopt, because the way we handled my son's adoption, it didn't costs those great costs.  We did it privately, where we talked about our beliefs, got to know each other, our parenting techniques, and what we planned in the future for our son (and when I mean our, I mean all 4 of us parents).  My son is 10months old now, and last night we had a wonderful dinner with all 4 of us there.  They are talking of placing another child with us, due in September, and we're offering to help with the needs of the baby if they decide to keep it.  All of our focus is on the kids,  Yes, in all honesty, I want the baby, but much more than that, I want them in my son's life, and I'd be glad to give them things for the baby if they need it, just as I have for many other friends who have babies.  On the other hand, I know that the baby's best interests would be with us, because they don't keep jobs, they choose to live in a camper, because they choose not to get jobs. He has lost jobs for many reasons, but all were reasons he chose to do, from sleeping in way too many times, to various things.  She hasn't worked in 7 years, leaves her 6 year old with her abusive husband, (not this baby's father-he's a good hearted man).  Our lives are so intertwined since my son's adoption.  We've been good to her, and she's been wonderful to us, because she placed her son in my arms with her blessing.  Every day, I hope that her situation improves, but I don't see it doing so, until she helps herself.  If she chooses not to, I don't believe she needs to keep the baby.  Although I'd help with the baby, it is not my responsibility to support their bad habits, and I refuse to do so.

The child is never the charity case.  Our jobs are to take care of the children.  Many people who adopt are proud, and won't hardly take any help.  Adoption is much more expensive than giving birth (for normal pregnancies), and insurance doesn't cover it.  I wish regulation would take place, add more government workers, and place kids in loving homes, rather than rich homes.  I wish more people would consider private adoption through an attorney, to someone they've met, and will continue to be a part of their children's lives, rather than going through an agency, who will place the baby almost anywhere, were the fees are paid.