Do other adult adoptees have memory gaps?

Question

My partner remembers everything about her childhood. (Well, maybe not everything. But ALOT.) I remember very little about my life before I was 18.

I'm just curious, do others have big holes in their memories?

Answer 1

I'm not sure... I don't remember

Sorry, I couldn't resist. But seriously, my memories of childhood are quite "spotty" too & limited to bits and piece until about age 11 when I was removed from my abusive adoptive parents home and placed in foster care

Answer 2

Wow.  Thanks for asking this, Phil.  I've read that it's not unusual for adoptees to block out a lot of our childhood.  

My childhood memories are quite spotty and limited mostly to significant events and/or things my a'family told stories about.  What I do remember often comes in flashes like pieces of dreams.    

I never felt I belonged in this world, particularly as a kid.  I mentally flinch from many of the early memories I do have.  I suspect that having to fake memories and invent my childhod is what made a creative writer of me.  I observe things very keenly and always have, but it's almost as if part of me is preparing for an exam.

Answer 3

I think it's just the opposite for me.  I have very vivid memories, some of them quite disturbing.  I know this can happen to anyone, but these are just freaky memories I have.  Also, I remember dreams that I had as a very young child about topics about which I wouldn't have known at that time, except for the dreams.

My best friend, also adopted, had large gaps in her memory.  After participating in therapy, she was able to retrieve memories of her past.

ETA:

As I read other peoples' posts, I know that despite my vivid memory, I also recall a strong sense of "not belonging" on many levels, not just on the familial level.  I also had so many difficulties with identity and a panic-causing fear of being left.  These feelings, too were so intense that I remember them in a very vivid fashion.

Do all adoptees experience adoption this way?  I don't think so.  This is just my own personal experience, and I can't just pretend it wasn't like that to avoid possible judgment.  That would be lying and I won't do that.

Answer 4

I have very few memories before the age of nine - the same age when I was told I was adopted.

Answer 5

i think i am on the fence with this one.  i have many memories, but they are foggy at times. if someone says something it will jog me and i start to put things together. but there are somethings i remember like it just happened.

the oddest of all this was when i was probably 10 or so i looked at my amom and asked where i was before they brought me home. she told me i was in a womans house. they went there to get me. i looked at her and said "was there like and entryway? like you came in the door to a wide room and there was a desk there, to the left was another room and it had a large wrap around leather couch. it was dark. there was other kids there but i was the only baby. we were all sitting on the couch together"

she stared at me like i had just breathed fire out my nose.

all she could mutter was 'how....how did you know that?'

and all i could do was shrug.

i recall that (mind you i was 5 weeks old when i came home) but i dont remember barfing in aunt bettys new purse. odd huh?

Answer 6

I sure do, Phil.

And my earliest memory was six-- most people I know have much earlier memories.

I think much of my childhood, I was numb.  Probably depressed, actually.  I know I did a lot of daydreaming, which I've read is common for adoptees, too.

I really believe I sort of 'checked out' to cope with feelings that had no place, and would never be acknowledged by anyone.

I have been married twice, and both husbands had terrific recall of childhood memories.